


The Spare - The Life of Regulus Black in Sweater Weather

by Anemone_nemerosa



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Sweater Weather - Lumosinlove
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexuality Spectrum, Brainwashing, Drinking, F/M, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Homosexuality, How Do I Tag, M/M, Orion Black's A+ Parenting, Self-Harm, Swearing, Sweater weather, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting, lumosinlove
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:55:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 51,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25691653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anemone_nemerosa/pseuds/Anemone_nemerosa
Summary: Regulus quietly eased himself down on his bed, not making a noise and comprehending what he just overheard. His brother is clearly dating the person he called after dinner. But the voice on the phone was male, he called the person Remus. Sirius is dating a man. He is gay... playing in the NHL.Holy shit.
Relationships: Regulus Black & Black Family, Regulus Black & Sirius Black, Regulus Black/Jo Hayes (my OC), Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 49
Kudos: 120





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Sweater Weather](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20750912) by [lumosinlove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumosinlove/pseuds/lumosinlove). 



> Sweater Weather spin-off, inspired by the most wonderful lumosinlove. Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling, the Sweater Weather AU with OCs belong to lumosinlove, my OCs from this fic belong to me.
> 
> I've created some OC's in here, which I like and care for so please don't use them withour my permission.
> 
> "Ne nous laisse pas tomber. C'est ta seule chance." Don't fail us. It’s your only chance.
> 
> Warnings:
> 
> Past and present abuse, homophobia, slurs, mentions of forced outing, self-harm, a bit of blood, swearing, drinking, underage drinking (USA), is something missing?
> 
> Please be careful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ne nous laisse pas tomber. C'est ta seule chance." Don't fail us. It’s your only chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweater Weather spin-off, inspired by the most wonderful lumosinlove. Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling, the Sweater Weather AU with OCs belong to lumosinlove, my OCs from this fic belong to me.
> 
> Warnings:
> 
> Past and present abuse, homophobia, slurs, mentions of forced outing, self-harm, a bit of blood, swearing, drinking, underage drinking (USA), is something missing?
> 
> Please be careful

As the plain slowly descended into landing on Slytherin Airport, Regulus' fidgeting with the cuff of his suit was interrupted by the harsh grip of his mother’s hand on his wrist.

"Regulus, arrête ça!" _Stop that!_ she spat, her voice low but coldly settling into his bones nonetheless. "It is high time to drop your childish attitude. You are a Snake now, don't befoul your father’s reputation by acting all shy and flustered. You are expected to brim over with pride for following his legacy."

Straightening his shoulders, he gave her a small nod "Bien sûr, Maman."

His father, seated on his other side said nothing, he rarely did. His face stony, unyielding, like most of the time. When Regulus got the call a few weeks ago, he had seen his father emit more emotions than the last years combined. Orion stood in front of him, almost smiling and giving his shoulder a firm squeeze. "Just as we expected from you, son."

He was, and still is absolutely determined to make his parents proud, exited to prove to everyone that he is just as good as his famous brother, if not better. Especially as Sirius turned out to be such a disappointment.

* * *

Regulus felt his brother’s eyes on him as he walked from the interview towards the podium for his official draft ceremonial and tried to pass by quickly without being too obvious. Sirius, however, oblivious as always, pulled him into a hug he could only jerk away from. Regulus did not look into his brothers face. Determined to suffocate any reminiscent feelings still left from their shared childhood, he rushed past him without sparing a glance.

_How dare he acting all brotherly after not no more than a few brief calls since last Christmas. He left his family -left Regulus- behind as ruthlessly as to be expected from a Lion. Why is he even here? For publicity, no doubt._

In the locker room, Regulus looked in awe at the emerald green jersey. BLACK was written across the shoulders in bold letters, just above his number, the 72.

"Ne nous laisse pas tomber. C'est ta seule chance." _Don't fail us. It’s your only chance_ , his mother hissed, pulling him back into rapt attention.

Aware of all the reporters in the locker room, Regulus just quickly shot her a look, indicating that he understood while carefully pulling the item over his head. Once the jersey was in place, the room was bursting with camera flashes. Regulus, stood in between his parents, showing what he hoped was a look of self-esteem and determination on his face. He never felt comfortable within crowds.

_However Sirius did this so confidently._

"We are so very proud to finally have a son following his father’s footsteps into a career with the Snakes" hearing his mother telling the reporters turned his focus hastily turns back on his surroundings.

* * *

The evening rushed by in an overwhelming blur of people congratulating him during an extravagant dinner at Malfoy Manor.

His father was immersed in a highly engaged conversation with Karkaroff, consisting of their chances for the Cup, slagging other Teams and elaborating the high standards Regulus will have to meet. Lucius and Rodolphus were mostly eavesdropping on the exchange while their wives, his cousins Narcissa and Bellatrix, busied themselves with drinking champagne at an alarming rate with his mother.

No one spoke to Regulus, but he was content to listen. Most people underestimated how much information could be gathered by unsuspecting bystanders and his mother made sure he always kept what-ever he overheard for further use.

By the time women began to cackle and gossip unashamedly, Orion made a quick effort to excuse himself and his wife, most likely to avoid his family being witnessed in a fairly unflattering, borderline-embarrassing situation.

After bidding his parents farewell, Lucius instructed a housemaid to show Regulus to the room he would inhibit during his rookie season. Luckily, the Lestranges did not want him to billet in their house. While Narcissa and Lucius were acting with polite indifference around him, he always suspected Bellatrix to be more than just a little mad.

As he was silently led through elegant corridors with polished furniture and ornate carpets, almost indistinguishable from his parents Maison, his nerves began to act up a little. His trunk was already in the room and he was left to himself. The bedroom was plain in a way that radiated wealth but lacks any means of recognition.

_Just like home_ , Regulus thought drily while stepping into the marble-covered bathroom for a shower.

Lying awake in the dark, he finally allowed himself to process the commotion that was his day. After an exhausting flood of questions, photographs and people staring at him, the trimmed and polished drafts presented on TV seemed amusingly off the mark. Was Sirius draft a similar ruckus?

Six years ago, Regulus was not allowed to come with his mother but secretly watched it on TV in the kitchen with their house-maid. His father refused to accompany Sirius.

“I will not set a single foot in that wretched city. If you want to pull through with this, you have to go alone!”, he spat over dinner the night before and stayed in the basement during the next day.

Back then, he did not understand the tension and certainly did not want Sirius to go and leave him alone under the strict supervision of their parents.

"Seras-tu toujours mon frère, Siri?" _"Will you still be my brother Siri?"_

"Je serai toujours ton frère, Reg!" _"I will always be your brother, Reg!_ " ... _Yeah, of course. Connard stupide_.

Much later he would learn about the end of his father’s career but until then Regulus clung to his brother whenever he visited, if he visited, less and less each year.

Huffing angrily, Regulus dismissed Sirius from his thoughts. This was his draft, the start of his career, the golden opportunity to prove himself to his parents and the world. He should sleep instead of wasting his energy on futile memories.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rien d'extraordinaire. Nothing out of the ordinary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweater Weather spin-off, inspired by the most wonderful lumosinlove. Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling, the Sweater Weather AU with OCs belong to lumosinlove, my OCs from this fic belong to me.
> 
> Warnings:
> 
> Past and present abuse, homophobia, slurs, mentions of forced outing, self-harm, a bit of blood, swearing, drinking, underage drinking (USA), is something missing?
> 
> Please be careful

Three weeks into practice and Regulus had to admit that he was much less well-exercised than he had estimated and started to panic. _What if he was just not good enough?_ He could not disappoint his parents after they put so much time and money in his career.

He was the sole focus of their ambition, the one chance to bring the name Black back to his fathers beloved Snakes but his muscles burned every night. How much stretching he did and which cool-down routines he rattled through after practice seemed to make no difference. Additionally, he had developed the new and thrilling habit of falling asleep everywhere as long as he did not move for a concerningly short amount of time. And everywhere, unfortunately, included not only the armchairs in their team lounge and every seating-accommodation at Malfoy Manor but also his stall, the bench during practice brakes and even the shower - if he got carried away enough to lean against the tiles.

Of course, his teammates would not let him live that down but he expected that much. He was a rookie after all, which basically translated into prey. So, he never batted an eye when he woke up with his laces tied, buried beneath a pile of gear, his clothes missing, or sporting a rather inept and mundane moustache. Hell, once he just fetched the marker simply overdrawing a particularly hideous artwork without even batting an eye... much to the obvious disdain of the initial artist.

_Who needs dignity anyway, right?_

Impartial to his exhaustion, his parents insisted on weekly phone-calls. His father reprimanding him to work harder and his mother chiding him for acting undignified taking part in these preposterous squabbles. _You don't say!_

While Regulus agreed, that drawing lopsided beards was not the height of humourist creativity, it seemed to be part of being a rookie. His father never mentioned these locker room encounters so he figured they were legitimate. However, he sometimes wondered why his parents even made the effort to talk to him. Besides Cissy and Lucius reporting to them every week and telling Regulus off for the very same things, at least his mother surely had realised by now that he noticed the detour of his mails over her account and the not-so-invisible invisible spy app on his phone. _Honestly woman,_ _if you really want to eyeball me, you should stop teaching me your ways._

But he did not mention or even care about it. In addition to usually being too tired for lengthy discussions with her, Regulus knew, or more like expected, she meant well. Ever since it was clear that Sirius would stay with the Lions, she reinforced her efforts to keep him away from inadequate influences. The actual definition of _inadequate influences_ remained more or less elusive for him. So far, he concluded that, whoever was less influential or not meeting largely unknown political opinions was out of bounds. His brother seemed to have managed a category on his own: Not to be left unsupervised.

As disappointed as he was in Sirius, he caught himself now and then thinking of the encouraging words Sirius always had when Regulus performance was subpar to their fathers demands. Orion usually dismissed consolation as sissyish and contra-productive, unnecessarily lowering expectations and therefore yielding inferior players. During practice, Regulus learned to appreciate his father’s attitude. He surely would not get through the hard training and harshly yelled commands and slanders Karkaroff constantly fired off, if his father hadn't expertly prepared him for this.

* * *

A few more weeks in and Regulus began to feel human again. He thankfully stopped to fall asleep during practice and in the shower and the team got bored with pulling the same four pranks on Regulus. Equipped with an insufficient quantity of both, wit and innovation, they did not come up with new shenanigans and resorted to blunt teasing. If not still preoccupied with coping, he would have been disappointed by the lack of intellectual challenge these guys provided.

Except the circumstantial bashing from his team, his life seemed to have returned into familiar territory. While it was not pleasant as such, he was at least accustomed to being helicoptered by his parents, each in their own dominion.

His father ensured that Regulus never lost focus “Train harder, get better and outperform Sirius.”

While his mother had set Lucius and Rodolphus on him to control his appearance as public representant of House Black "People look at you now Regulus and every misstep of yours retraces to us. So, remember, your private live does not belong in the media. You are a hockey player, son of Orion Black, a proud Snake and this better be all they get to see."

_Rien d'extraordinaire_. _Nothing out of the ordinary._

Separating his feelings and opinions from his expression and demeanour was something Regulus identified early as crucial skill if one wished to live at relative peace in the Black household.

The sound of his mother’s hand whacking across Sirius' cheek and the quiet weeping of his brother sometimes still reverberated in Regulus ears, even years later. He was not supposed to know about this but it was a rather common occurrence whenever Sirius' temper got the better of him.

_Needless to mention it became their common evening routine during the months, Sirius' puberty was peaking._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My unique selling point is being son of Orion Black and brother of Sirius Black, Regulus concluded with a pinch of bitterness but he would be daft to mope on the opportunities he was given instead of seizing them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweater Weather spin-off, inspired by the most wonderful lumosinlove. Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling, the Sweater Weather AU with OCs belong to lumosinlove, my OCs from this fic belong to me.
> 
> Warnings:
> 
> Past and present abuse, homophobia, slurs, mentions of forced outing, self-harm, a bit of blood, swearing, drinking, underage drinking (USA), is something missing?
> 
> Please be careful

Early mornings have always been the favourite part of Regulus' day.

Much unlike his brother, he was an exceptionally early riser, usually waking up around five in the morning. No one else was awake at this time and he did not have to bother with pretence, with permanently schooling his expression, calculating every movement, every word.

After he got a grip to his initial exhaustion, he slowly came by waking up as usual and immensely enjoyed his solitary peace. As the Malfoys never emerged before seven, Regulus put his two hours of unmonitored time to use by hiding out in the ginormous library and burying himself in books one wouldn't suspect in this house. Copies of umpteen different fantasy and science-fiction novels were refurnished with dull grey covers, titles written in tiny letters across the spines and carefully placed in unsuspecting corners.

_Either I profoundly misjudged my dear cousins’ taste, or the interior designer allowed himself a little bit of artistic licence while filling the shelves_ , Regulus thought happily after propping _Hitchhikers Guide the Galaxy_ on top of _The Lord of the Rings_ and moving on to the collected works of Terry Pratchett’s _Disc World._

In stories, he could immerse himself, putting his sense of humour and feelings into practice a bit before they would shrivel up and die of neglect.

* * *

Regulus' reality, unlike books and stories, required rapt attention and close observation if he was to figure out the unspoken rules of the dynamics within the Snakes. And rules, they had. He repeated them to himself quite often to prevent any grave missteps.

First thing to internalise was that Severus Snape, Captain of the team, was not the man in charge. This position was firmly occupied by the main goalie, Tom Riddle. While being genuinely interested why Riddle wasn't official Captain of the Snakes, Regulus sensed that the next rule was to never question it, or anything else, for that matter.

Another commandment was to always, under any circumstances, stay true to the determined and grim attitude expected from Snakes: During interviews, at practice, in the locker room, even in public places _...also while folding your socks, flossing your teeth, doing the laundry and taking the trash out..._ Regulus droned on mentally, allowing himself a little internal eyeroll.

As much as the players boasted their rough manliness, gossip was omnipresent in the locker room, everyone eager to collect various secrets and rumours. Apparently, their main leisure activity was to fuel the plethora of squabbles between and within the players' families and associates.

The next statue ( _order of mention does not necessarily correspond with importance_ , he reminded himself) was to stay within your rank. The loyal core around Riddle played first line in nearly every game, consisting of Severus as centre, his wingers Lucius and Rodolphus and Carrow and Macnair in defence. While everyone seemed dubiously loyal towards Riddle ( _ne demandez pas),_ the first line also had some kind of group-solidarity. It became custom to refer to the first line as Death Eaters due to their hard and unforgiving operations, praised by Regulus' father as the only true way of playing hockey.

The second line consisted of tolerated, but less engaged players, neglecting solidarity in favour of ascending the food chain. With Nott as centre, Dolohov and Mulciber at his sides and Crabbe and Goyle in defence, they were considerably weaker than the first line. The second goalie, Yaxley, had basically no time on ice. Riddle dominated every game.

The third line was pretty much cannon fodder. These players were only allowed on ice to run out the clock, having a strong defence and weak but ruthless centre. Regulus often wavered between exasperation, uneasiness and ridicule while observing such absurd antics but he'd be damned, if he wouldn't put these insights into use.

* * *

Right after the call confirming his draft Regulus was sat down by his parents and instructed meticulously.

“Without question, Regulus will need to work hard but that’s not enough. There are plenty of good players in the NHL and he needs a unique selling point.” Orion muttered determined, looking at his wife.

“Just let him stick with the husbands of dear Bellatrix and Narcissa”, his mother eyed both of them over the brim of her fourth or fifth glass of red wine, “they already got into Riddles circle and I will ensure they get him-“

“You do no such thing, Walburga. I will not risk rumours of a Black descending to nepotism. Regulus may benefit from their company in public appearances but he needs to prove his worth on the ice.”

For the first time, Orion’s eyes left Walburga’s face turning to his son with a contemplative look, dark eyes boring into grey ones. _It's indeed fascinating how they always speak about me and never bother to speak_ with _me_ , Regulus found himself thinking.

He was banking on the belief that succeeding Orion’s hockey career would finally deem him deserving to be looked at by his father, not looked down on.

Rookies were expected to keep their heads down and stay out of it until they demonstrated their use. Regulus however was not only a talented rookie, he was a Black and Severus prospect to massively piss of Sirius. So, instead of staying put he quickly rose, much to the disdain of the uninspired pranksters of the third line and the delight of his parents.

_My unique selling point is being son of Orion Black and brother of Sirius Black,_ Regulus concluded with a pinch of bitterness but he would be daft to mope on the opportunities he was given instead of seizing them. His status allowed him to associate with the Death Eaters, benefitting from their special treatment and favouritism from Karkaroff. It was the privileged practice and disproportionally high time on ice for a rookie that fuelled his career. He would get stronger, gain experience, become a recognised force much quicker than a rookie usually could and if his family’s reputation got him on the way, so be it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regardless of how hard he tried, he would always be seen in relation to Sirius. Thank you, brother. You just have to fart to overshadow my life. Merde... connard stupide!

With an exasperated huff, Regulus chucked _The Hobbit_ into a corner of his room.

After realising that no one even seemed to know of the existence of the light fiction in the library, he began to keep all relevant books he found in his room. By now, the stack on the floor was reaching his hip. But whatever he did, he could not distract himself from the impending game against the Lions this evening. He had neither seen nor heard from Sirius since the draft, he did not expect a call, and was rather indecisive on how to react to his brother.

It was the first time the brothers played against each other in an actual game, in the NHL no less. Of course, everyone supplied their unrequested suggestions, or rather demands. The Death Eaters wanted him to rile Sirius up, taking his focus off the game. His parents insisted that he had to outshine his brother, presenting himself as the genuine heir of Orion Black.

_God forbid anyone considering to ask me about that,_ Regulus mused.

It was not his very first game in the NHL but surely the most sensational so far. The media was all but hyped about the game but the 'Brother Rivalry' overshadowed by the 'Captain Rivalry' and Sirius' broken ankle. He was relieved that Severus took up so much media presence but he did not fool himself. A lot of eyes were going to be on him. Hence his indetermination.

Following the Death Eaters lead to distract Sirius with chirping and slurs was not a viable option. He would probably rise in their graces but also draw public attention for gamesmanship, without doubt overshadowing his actual hockey performance, which he wanted to be noticed for. Of course, his parents would not appreciate Regulus taunting Sirius either. They wanted him put Sirius to shame by performance, not immature behaviour.

They expected Regulus to outrank the Captain of the rivalling team with six years of NHL experience is his sixth-ever game. _Personal relations be damned, this is a hideous demand_ , Regulus scoffed, finally giving up on distracting himself from his brother and stepping into the shower.

Regardless of how hard he tried, he would always be seen in relation to Sirius. _Thank you, brother. You just have to fart to overshadow my life. Merde... connard stupide!_

* * *

It hadn’t always been like that, Regulus had to acknowledge. As small boy he looked up to his bigger brother. He cared for him in a different way than their parents. While they clothed, fed and trained him, Sirius was the one who hugged and comforted Regulus when their father scolded him for being shy and introverted.

“A hockey player does not hide in corners!”, Orion used to spit, his patience always on the meagre side.

Sirius loved him in a different way than Walburga and Orion, cheering him up instead of punishing him when he messed up.

“You need to toughen up, boy” his father explained one day, “You have been pampered too much. Crying and asking for cuddles is for girls.” 

But his older brother would hear nothing of it. Sirius instructed Regulus to sneak into Sirius' bed after nightmares and during stormy nights. Thinking of it now, Regulus realised that he must have been as much of a comfort for Sirius as the other way around.

From the beginning of Regulus life, Sirius was famous for his talent but it did not affect their relationship until he was getting prepared for a professional career as soon as he turned twelve; spending the summers in training camps and receiving additional private lessons at the rink in their basement. They saw each other infrequently and Sirius was mostly too tired for playing with Regulus if he got a bit of spare time. That did not stop them from secretly snuggling up in bed.

However, their dynamics began to shift as the rising success of his brother took up all attention from their parents. Whatever concerned Sirius was more important and Regulus began to feel a constant sting of jealousy souring his mood. Then puberty hit Sirius hard, causing him to rebel against his tight schedule. Regulus was eight when he began asking Sirius to obey just to make their parents stop beating him and nine when Sirius gave in.

_Daft fool_ , Regulus thought while scrubbing his hair with a bar of soap. _If he had just kept his head down... but that wasn't Sirius._

Well, Regulus was able to learn from other people’s mistakes, kept quiet and secured himself a comparingly unbothered time. At least for a while.

Sirius draft to no other team than the Gryffindor Lions had had a severe impact, not only on Sirius' life. He remembers his brothers’ conflict after the call: The excitement from being picked first over all from a strong team mingled with the dread from their parent’s wrath concerning the particular team. Back then, Regulus did not understand the uproar. He was twelve, hadn't learned about the end of his father’s career and wanted his brother to be happy for living his dream. God, he even sneaked in a Lions hat for Sirius. Mrs. Kreacher, albeit reluctantly, bought the item during her weekly errands. Their ancient house-maid always had a soft spot for calm little Regulus that did not extend to his boisterous older brother, but making Regulus happy seemed to outweigh her reservations.

Once Sirius had left to live with the Dumais family, Regulus suddenly became the sole focus of their parent’s energy. As he was twelve, he was subjected to the same extensive training as Sirius and while he was absolutely able to hold a candle to his older brother, it was nothing to knock their parents' socks off. Sirius had already been there and Regulus keeping up was just expected, business as usual, not a big deal.

Eventually, learned what ended Orion’s hockey career. A centre of the Lions had sent him crashing into the boards, causing irreparable damage to his father’s spine. And while his father had to leave the rink forever, the other player wasn't even penalised. This put the drama about Sirius draft into perspective. Still, Regulus missed his brother immensely but after two years of dwindling visits, he got annoyed. Sirius rare calls more and more turned into chorus of praise for his team and especially the Dumais'. He was more and more badmouthing their upbringing and telling Regulus off for defending their parents. "Tu ne comprends pas, Reg." _You don't understand_. Of course, he never understood, did he? Little naive Reg did not just see how his brother went and found himself a better family, preferring to spend his time with them instead of his actual family, with him. No, Reg was not left-behind, he did just not _understand!_

* * *

“Je serai toujours ton frère, Reg!” _Oh, fuck you!_

It has been several weeks since he allowed all the memories and feelings concerning his brother to surface and it always hurt him but for now, he would channel the feelings of abandonment, anger and disappointment into determination. He would at least try and make his parents proud, would treat Sirius as much as any other player as he could, brother or not.

“Hockey is about winning, not fun, not comradery!”, his father used to stress constantly.

Regulus took that to heart. He stepped out of the shower, very wrinkly but ready to let his performance speak for him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hockey is about hockey only. Not friendship, not family, only competition, Regulus kept his mantra repeating in his head.

_Hockey is about hockey only. Not friendship, not family, only competition_ , Regulus kept his mantra repeating in his head. He was walking through the tunnel between Severus and Lucius, jaw set and determined but seeing his brother in the rink got through his walls. _Shit._

In an attempt to keep his cool, Regulus did his best to ignore Sirius during warm ups. _Random players do not greet each other. Number twelve is just another player_. He reminded himself and zeroed down into his well-practised cold determination.

The game went well, they were leading and had no unexpected turns, so far. The team played hard, prime example of his father’s definition of a good game. Regulus was too inexperienced for Karkaroff to tiptoe the line of rough and foul play so he was kept on the bench.

It was as frustrating as it was relieving. Even after years of unforgiving lessons and strict admonitions from his father, Regulus felt still uneasy about stretching the rules to inflict as much harm as possible. It was a tough sport and he had no qualms to plunge into the fray but there was a difference between rough and malicious. After all, hockey was about the game and said game had rules for a reason.

Watching his team, he felt the adrenaline of every close call, every stolen puck nonetheless... until Karkaroff beckoned him over before a face-off.

 _They wouldn't_.

But shuffling closer to him, he saw the look on the faces of Karkaroff, Riddle and Snape.

 _Oh, they will_.

"Black keeps looking at you.", Karkaroff stated, "Go, distract him. Malfoy will overtake as soon as possible. Don't fuck this up!"

 _Distraction!_ Regulus was struggling to keep his annoyance down. _As if I couldn't steal a punk from Sirius. I've done this more often than I care to count._ _Just you wait, Sirius won’t know what hit him!_

He knew how his brother played, he grew up watching him play, playing with him until he left. Sirius was more experienced but Regulus was nothing, if not determined. He didn't even hear his brothers’ words before the punk dropped. Regulus won the puck in the face-off but lost against his brother in the long run. The team won but he failed.

 _Sirius is already six years in and I'm a rookie, I did well enough,_ a rational little voice in his head peaked up but went mute the second his parents stepped into the locker-room, disappointment contorting their faces _._

* * *

After the Lions game, the Death Eaters, Snape in particular, began to look more after him. They seemed to be satisfied with his performance and ability to keep the despised Captain of the Lions in check. Also, it began to become apparent that his position in the team was not solely due to nepotism. Regulus trained harder, with more fever than ever, and he was good.

His parents, however, took a different view. They only saw Sirius stealing the puck from Regulus eventually. How long it took him to get there and that Regulus won the face-off was negligible. In the end, Regulus failed.

Receiving actual appreciation for his achievements, Regulus felt himself leaning more and more towards the Death Eaters and away from his parents’ orders. Eager to sustain the benevolent mood, he even tried to loosen up his strict moral code. This particular undertaking was put to a hard test as Riddle commanded him into a locker-room interview in which Regulus would hurtfully disdain his brother.

 _What on earth did I get myself into_ , Regulus had once again given up on reading and busied himself with pacing around his room instead. This felt wrong.

 _Hockey is about hockey only. Not friendship, not family, only competition_. Would he really throw his mantra, so carefully internalised over the past eleven years, out of the window? His parents would definitely prohibit this kind of plan as they regularly admonished him to not slip into immature behaviour, soiling the name of Black. If they knew...

The interview began alright, a random reporter questioning him on his draft, the team and upcoming games… Despite his parents’ efforts, he never lost his shyness and reluctance to mingle with groups. He got better at covering it up but it still stressed him out. But this was hockey talk. This he could do.

 _But of course, I am not interesting enough. Of course, they want me to get information about Sirius_ , Regulus irritation overtook his nerves for a moment and he could only just stifle an exasperated groan.

Then he remembered his task and felt his mantra revolting. He didn't want to talk about Sirius' private life, he didn't even know him anymore. This interview was so far away from _Hockey is about hockey only,_ that it just disappeared behind the horizon _._

A movement behind the reporter caught his eye. Riddle was staring at him expectantly, arms crossed, jaw set. Before Regulus could start to panic, his self-preservation-mode kicked in, shunning every thought, every emotion. He retreated into himself, eyes gone cold, and did as he was told.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Remus, you have no idea,” a heavy sigh broke up Sirius’ words. “How much I miss you.” Okay... that is... unusually close wording for a team-mate. Weird guys. Regulus shrugged and went for the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweater Weather spin-off, inspired by the most wonderful lumosinlove. Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling, the Sweater Weather AU with OCs belong to lumosinlove, my OCs from this fic belong to me.
> 
> Warnings:
> 
> Past and present abuse, homophobia, slurs, mentions of forced outing, self-harm, a bit of blood, swearing, drinking, underage drinking (USA), is something missing?
> 
> Please be careful

The day before Thanksgiving, Regulus arrived at his parents’ house. Mrs. Kreacher insisted on picking him up at the Airport and he was glad to see the tiny glimpse of sympathy the old woman could never hide completely.

The interview would be published in two days and Regulus was still contemplating on how to look into his brothers face until then. He had a bad conscience. Not only because he gave his mantra the death blow, but also because Sirius was, besides an insufferable git, his brother.True, his team-mates congratulated him and patted his shoulder after the reporters were gone but it left a bitter aftertaste that would not lessen. So, he handed the reign over to his self-preservation and did the easy thing. Avoiding Sirius' gaze at all costs.

After socialising-duty, Regulus felt himself unable to sleep. That was a rather new occurrence, beginning with the aftermath of increasing expectations and social conflicts after Lions game. And it was just as inconvenient as his former hobby: sleeping all the time.

 _My kingdom for a regular sleeping-pattern_ , Regulus was aimlessly wandering the halls of his parents’ house when he heard his brothers voice through the door of his brother’s old bedroom. He was about to bypass the door when he stopped in his tracks.

“It’s…the same. It’s nice to have Regulus playing in the NHL. Takes some of the time away from talking about me.” _Of course, it’s just about what I can do for him_...

“Why did I come a day early. I wish I had come tomorrow, had one family dinner, and then just flew out the next morning as planned.” Just as he expected. Already complaining after a few hours of Regulus' company. Of course, he spent his evening avoiding Sirius like the plague but he was not in a reasonable mood.

“Remus, you have no idea,” a heavy sigh broke up Sirius’ words. “How much I miss you.” _Okay... that is... unusually close wording for a team-mate. Weird guys._ Regulus shrugged and went for the bathroom.

On his way back, he decided to detour _via_ Sirius' room again. _Maybe I should talk to him about the interview..._ He stood in front of the door, arm raised to knock when Sirius voice filtered through the door again. _What on earth are they still talking about?_

“Come on, Loops,” Sirius said. “Tighter, make yourself come. Imagine…” Sirius’ voice broke off. “Imagine I—Imagine I’d let you fuck me.” _WHAT!?_

Regulus felt his cheeks heat up but was firmly rooted to the spot. He didn't know for how long he stood there, trying to force his legs to _move, Bon Dieu_! He heard some commotion, and expected to be caught snooping when Sirius spoke up again.

“Like a hotel room?” He was clearly speaking about their mother’s insistence of the "elegant nonchalance _"_ of every room, which Regulus deemed somewhat uninspired.

 _Do not ridicule her interior design, MOVE!_ But he did not, he stood there and heard everything Sirius had to say about his family, his brother. After the room went quiet Regulus' legs finally agreed to spring back to action and he all but fled the scene.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I wouldn’t trade places with him though. I wouldn’t give up the Lions for anything.” His brother had said. Regulus wouldn't want to trade places with himself either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweater Weather spin-off, inspired by the most wonderful lumosinlove. Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling, the Sweater Weather AU with OCs belong to lumosinlove, my OCs from this fic belong to me.
> 
> Warnings:
> 
> Past and present abuse, homophobia, slurs, mentions of forced outing, self-harm, a bit of blood, swearing, drinking, underage drinking (USA), is something missing?
> 
> Please be careful

Regulus quietly eased himself down on his bed, not making a noise, struggling to grasp what he just overheard. And it was a lot. His brother was, erm... _dating_ the person he called after dinner. The voice on the phone was somewhat unintelligible but clearly male... named Remus. Sirius is dating a _man_. He was gay... playing in the NHL. _Holy shit_.'

After a moment of comprehension, Regulus pushed the newly found insights in his brothers’ sex-life aside. There was so much more. Sirius did not just go and found himself a new family six years ago. He felt as abandoned by his family as Regulus felt by Sirius. He feared their parents. Was the brave attitude Sirius would show Regulus just to keep him calm and happy, to protect his little brother? The beatings didn't end when Sirius was fifteen, as Regulus was always made to believe and he was going through therapy because of the psychological damage it caused. All the time Sirius told him he did not understand, Regulus drove him further away but his brother was right all along. Regulus did not understand, and he could kick himself for not getting this earlier.

But Sirius left Regulus there instead of explaining to him _what_ he did not understand.

“I wouldn’t trade places with him though. I wouldn’t give up the Lions for anything.” His brother had said. Regulus wouldn't want to trade places with himself either.

This made clear that Sirius had no idea how Regulus' life went and how leaving him alone did not ease the pressure off of him. On the contrary. _Do other families actually talk about such things? Probably, but we did not talk and now the damage is done._

Then, another aspect of the conversation demanded attention. Sirius had found someone. A team, some kind of family he actually wanted to spend time with and not just showed up out of sense of duty. And this Remus, who seemed to deeply care about him. Him, not his career, not his status. That man might even love him.

Regulus felt his eyes burn. He hadn't cried in years but the bare idea that relationships existed where people cared for each other like that, without expectations, showing support and giving comfort, left him longing. He remembered the feeling of being cared for by Sirius when he was young and realised that he was secretly craving it. Envy mingled with the burning the remorse of all he ever did to his brother while tears ran down his face.

* * *

The next day went by in a blur. Regulus was confused and hurting. His carefully maintained walls broke down yesterday and he was struggling to get them up again. He still couldn't look into his brothers’ eyes, he was off kilter and felt too exposed. But he knew he needed to get a grip, needed to talk to his brother before he left the next morning.

Regulus wandered around again at night but not in the house. He couldn’t walk past Sirius room again before he was ready. Instead, he put his running shoes on, climbed out of his window and started off along his favourite path. He'd run it so often, it didn't even make a difference that is was dark. He put Sirius' sexuality on the back burner, deciding that it was more important to get a concept of how he felt about his brother after all the input from last night. Letting the call replay in his head, Regulus tried to make a note of the feelings that surged through him. It hurt horribly but he pushed through and began to classify his emotions halfway through his second laps.

He felt sorry for his brother. Sirius was abused, felt just as abandoned as Regulus, stood under enormous pressure from the media already and oh, he was a closeted gay NHL-Captain dating his teams' -almost professional NHL-player- PT. The name _Remus_ stroked something in Regulus' memory and he had looked him up earlier that day. _Somewhat typically Sirius: Never one to do things by halves. But back to the feelings-endeavour._

There was shame, quite a lot. Regulus was being big-headed, naive and too eager to please his parents, the Snakes, too eager to escape Sirius' success pressing down on him until he couldn't breathe. He had let himself get blinded.

Despite the re-evaluation of their last years, Regulus still felt abandoned by his big brother and unbearably hurt. Although he began to fathom why Sirius put so much distance between himself and the family, he promised Regulus to always be his brother, to be there for him. And then, he wasn't. This wasn't all Sirius' fault of course, there were so many layers to their relationship that his head spun and he didn't even know everything that happened to his brother.

Regulus took a short break from running and feelings before he began his fifth laps, wishing he had thought of water.

Envy was the next feeling on the list. It was a not a knew occurrence but while it usually focused on his brother’s career, he now envied Sirius for something completely different. For having friends as close as a family, a team that supported him and seemed to genuinely like him as a person. Jealousy threw itself into the mix with a pang. All these people were in company of the Sirius' happy and caring side. The side that once was reserved for Regulus only. But maybe, it was possible to deeply care for several people. That Sirius finding real friends didn't mean he had nothing left for his baby brother. But Regulus drove him away and lost his claim. As quick as the jealousy came, it was overshadowed by longing for true affection and loss of how close he once was to his brother.

 _Remus_. The name sprang up in Regulus' mind. Sirius hadn't just found a home, he found love. Something, Regulus grew more and more aware that he himself was undeserving of such strong affection. Any affection honestly. After all he had done, no one could possibly like him. The realisation just increased the longing and gave it a painful twinge.

_As if it wasn’t bad enough already._

Regulus gave up running after the fifth laps and settled on lying on a park bench in the middle of nowhere instead, like a proper creep.

 _Maybe I could do with a bit of therapy too, at the very least to sort through this mess_ , he thought dryly.

Then, there was the sexuality part. His brother was gay. This thought should have evoked repulsion in him but it didn’t. He briefly considered the common slurs and dirty jokes in the locker-room and on ice. Regulus was not sure how much of it was supposed to be harmless chirping but without doubt, it would become ammunition of certain players, if they knew it was actually true. And his parents made decidedly no effort to sugar-coat their opinions.

* * *

"Sports is stooping lower and lower these days!" Regulus remembered his father’s agitation during the Olympic winter-games in Sochi.

Tim Stevenson, a Vancouver City Councillor, urged the International Olympics Committee to add "sexual orientation" to the Olympic Charter. The politician was openly-gay and married to Gary Paterson, the equally openly-gay moderator of the United Church of Canada.

"They shouldn't have allowed that in the first place" Orion hissed while succumbing into a rare fit of rage.

Regulus, of course, couldn’t remember the marriage in 2004 but his parents would never fail to show their distaste and indignation.

* * *

Regulus had always believed blindly what his parents told him, once out of naivety, later out of self-preservation. A mode of action he began to question deeply by now. The blind trust towards his parents was crumbling quickly, and Regulus felt himself uncertain of what to do now that his moral concepts and alleged knowledge were dissolving at an alarming rate. But as many tumultuous hard feelings as he allowed himself against Sirius for abandoning him and escaping, he did not think that being gay changed something about his brother...

 _Wasn't sexuality something you can’t help? That has always been like this? Then, hadn't he always been gay and knowing about it did not make him a different person._ But Regulus hardly doubted that most of the NHL shared this train of thought, let alone their parents.

 _This can ruin Sirius' career... but isn't hockey supposed to be about the game and the game only?_ His mantra came back from the dead.

 _Why should it be of any importance for his game where he put his dick, or let other people stick their dick_ , _for that matter?_ Regulus shuddered at the thought that his brother had a sex-life but he found himself not cringing at the idea of Sirius liking men. It was more the fact that he had sex in general. He denied that brothers, just like parents did this at all. Being the living proof that his parents had definitely had sex, was irrelevant.

Regulus decided to keep his brothers secret. He would not hurt him any more than he already had.

Coming home, around three in the morning, tired but much more at ease he found himself able to really sleep for the first time in what felt like years. Come next morning, he would grow a pair of metaphorical balls ( _he already had actual ones, thank you very much_ ) to tell Sirius about the Interview and apologise. He would not talk about his brother’s sexuality, didn't want to intrude. It was not Regulus' business after all.

Regulus never overslept but this very day, he did. When he woke up, his brother was already gone.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I should have seen it coming, shouldn't I? Once again, Regulus chided himself for keeping his head too deep inside his own ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweater Weather spin-off, inspired by the most wonderful lumosinlove. Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling, the Sweater Weather AU with OCs belong to lumosinlove, my OCs from this fic belong to me.
> 
> Warnings:
> 
> Okay this one is rather heavy.
> 
> Past and present abuse, homophobia, slurs, mentions of forced outing, self-harm, a bit of blood, swearing, drinking, underage drinking (USA), is something missing?
> 
> Please be careful

Regulus had always prided himself with his poker face. He could fool anyone… except his mother. She knew he was sitting on something huge and kept pestering him as soon he stepped into the dining room. Despite his mother’s elaborate and well-practiced interrogation methods, he kept his mouth shut. _I know your methods, mother but this time I won't give in_.

On the other hand, Walburga knew Regulus, too. She knew exactly how to push his buttons but before he could crack, the interview went online and wreaked havoc over the house. It was bad but luckily, in a twisted sense, also bad enough so his mother would suspect this to be his secret, not his brother’s sexuality. For now, he was off this particular hook and had time to bury his secret too deep for anybody to find.

Sirius texted after leaving this morning "Regulus, rappelle moi s'il te plait." _Please call me back._

Regulus couldn't. Firstly, he was sure that Sirius hated him now. And justified as it was, he couldn’t hear the prove of it in his brother’s voice. Secondly, the explosion of Walburga and Orion’s wrath, that Regulus fell victim to, left him with the very first black eye his father ever gave him and the promise of his mother to never leave him unsupervised again.

_Now, Sirius has to share this special category of their mother with me..._

Every of his steps would be watched now, every word he wanted to say conformed to her liking first. Besides, even if he was brave enough to call, his phone was still spied. Due to his new status, he was watched too closely sneak out and get himself a secret one. Also, Sirius had his people to care and comfort him. He did not need him.

 _I should have seen it coming, shouldn't I?_ Once again, Regulus chided himself for keeping his head too deep inside his own ass.

He was aware, that the interview most likely hurt his brother deeply and how remorseful Regulus felt about that now, it was the intention. He also expected his parent’s disapproval, to put it in mild words, but what he forgot to consider was the reaction of the media and public. His brother was beloved and not known for the unfair game Regulus accused him of. While the hurting part probably worked out, the Snakes, but especially Regulus, were caught in the crossfire from angry fans. The whole commotion was, of course, dutifully covered by the media, which circled the progress of events like vultures. Besides the shitstorm he evoked, Regulus really didn't expect the Death Eaters to turn their backs on him immediately. It was their idea after all.

So, the public was ripping him apart and his mother only called to check on his behaviour. Why, he did not know, given that was basically grounded. His father was too disappointed to talk to him at all and the Death Eaters resumed being indifferent towards the rookie while the second and third rank of the team gloated on his downfall. If he needed to get somewhere, Narcissa or Bellatrix kept at his side. NHL-salary was rather generous and they didn't have to work, so the women were free to accompany Regulus to everything outside practice and games, except the bathroom. Narcissa was annoyed and bored by babysitting-duty but Bellatrix seemed to enjoy tormenting Regulus.

_Too cruel for her level of madness, this one._

He began wishing to talk to his brother even he would receive a lot of shit for messing up.

"Regulus, rappelle moi s'il te plait." _Please call me back_. Regulus wanted. But he couldn't.

His blissful mornings of light fiction reading didn't bring him peace anymore. His focus outright refused to stay on the books. His family, the Snakes and the interview with its consequences were all over his mind, suffocating everything else. Regulus stopped talking to people. Not that he was talkative to begin with. All the people mingling with his brain in his past couldn't erase his introverted nature. But his ingrained wariness towards others developed into something resembling paranoia.

The longer he thought about how he had let himself be used by the Death Eaters for their nasty operations, the worse it got. Not for the first time, but stronger than ever, Regulus felt not just reluctance but downright refusal to take part in any of this. The spiteful antics of his family and the Snakes were complicated, exhausting and plainly atrocious.

The stupor he seemed to have been all this time ashamed him... he understood Sirius a little better now and he would really like to talk about all of this. But there was no one trustworthy around, not even Mrs. Kreacher would keep quiet if her mother urged her to speak. Slughorn, the team’s psychologist wouldn't keep shut either if Riddle decided he wanted to know what was going on. Medical confidentiality was a mere suggestion, when it came to Riddle.

* * *

Christmas drew closer and with it came all the things Regulus deeply despised: Cheesy music and decorations, ridiculous sweaters, forced cheerfulness, _glitter_ and lots and lots of people. People in every place, at every time; there was just no escape.

 _This gets worse every year_ , Regulus had trouble to stifle his grumbling while he shuffled through the overcrowded mall Narcissa had dragged him into for Christmas shopping.

_Where do all these people stay the rest of the year? Is there a special place they are kept just to be unleashed come December? What is even the use of all that cheap nonsense people throw at each other under the glorified piece of vegetation?_

Disgruntled as he was, he had to admit that this hell, specifically designed for him, kept him a little distracted from the upheaval in his brain. Fans and media got bored by Regulus lack of response to the interview and stopped caring somewhere along the increasing lunacy that was the Holiday season.

 _At least they leave the tea in peace._ Regulus eyed the menu in front of him with narrow eyes. _Is there even a coffee-like beverage left that is not a sugary winter-themed concoction? Wasn't the pumpkin-spice thing enough?_ Narcissa needed a break and a "coffee", so they stood in the line of whatever type of coffee-shop chain while Regulus' arms were hung with heaps of shopping bags, contemplating to dig himself a grave in his mother’s garden instead.

* * *

The call for All Star with Severus boosted his mood for a while. Rookies rarely got the opportunity to participate and he knew he earned it. He was good enough. But of course, the last rookie to make it to Allstar was Sirius, who else, so again it was nothing worth mentioning at home, barely acceptable. But apparently, it was sufficient to placate his parents back to speaking terms.

The Snakes Christmas-party was just as awful as Regulus had anticipated. He was just informed that Sirius would stay in Gryffindor over the holidays. Not that he could blame him but it stung a little. He just really hoped to be able to finally talk to him but couldn't call on an unmonitored phone as his cousins' watch on him did not subside. He wished he could've stayed at home but it was made clear that his was definitely not an option. Regulus dislikes parties any given day. Disliked polite but meaningless small talk, having to feed on tiny bits of food while standing around and wearing evening attire. The prospect of this party, Regulus didn't dislike. This one, he dreaded. Since Thanksgiving and its aftermath, he distrusted most of the Snakes and avoided any contact outside of practice and while he was talking again to his parents, the trust was gone.

"No ifs ands or buts about it! You go!" Narcissa all but dragged him to the Lestrange Estate, where the party took place.

Orion and Walburga were there, too but mingling around with some important and influential people. Probably collecting more information for their pathetic little feuds. As much as he liked sitting in a theatre balcony like Statler and Waldorf from the Muppet Show, taking the piss out of people, this was getting too far to be considered amusing. Also, there was a reason why Statler and Waldorf were a duo. While never given the opportunity, Regulus suspected that taking the piss off people was more fun together.

The evening went on and the absurd blend of silly games and subtle interrogation subsided into pathetic cockalorum, open hostility and unpleasant jokes as everyone except him got drunker by the minute.

Crabbe and Goyle were the first to succumb into adolescence, reshaping the Christmas pudding into a rather unbalanced pair of _-Breasts? Buttocks? A lone scrotum? -_ while giggling uncontrollably. The same fate awaited about half of the food as the evening went on. The dubious card-game Yaxley and Mulciber were invested with two nameless guys of the third line seemed to change rules by the minute. It came to a sudden halt as Yaxley jumped from his seat and stormed over to Nott, accusing him of flirting with his wife and throwing a badly aimed punch that send a high-priced vase flying instead of crashing into Notts nose. Yaxley’s "wife" was _de_ _facto_ Carrow’s sister while Yaxley’s actual wife was tucked in a different corner, passionately snogging Rabastan Lestrange, Rodolphus' younger brother.

Amidst that ruckus, Dolohov threw up into the glogg bowl.

Regulus leaned against the kitchen counter, decidedly far away from the commotion and stared in disbelief. _People..._ He gave an exasperated huff and allowed himself an actual eyeroll, not just a mental one.

The Death Eaters kept up a bit more dignity. They exclusively stayed in their group, sipping what looked like more expensive booze. Orion was immersed in a conversation with Riddle, Umbridge, Karkaroff and... one of the NHL governors -Fudge? -. Regulus eyebrows went up. _Interesting._ But no, he would not snoop. He was done with this shit. Much to Regulus´, and judging by his father’s looks, also Orion’s surprise, Narcissa, Bellatrix and his mother showed a lot self-restrain. They mingled with a flock of other hockey wives and it took uncharacteristically long for them -Crabbe, Nott and Mulciber were already passed out, Goyle and Yaxley were close- to cackle and gossip as loudly as at Regulus' draft-party.

Rabastan and Yaxley’s wife were nowhere to be seen and Regulus thought it was rather beneficial that her husband was out cold.

By now, also the -oh so sophisticated- Death Eaters started to act out. Lucius was bickering with Carrow while Macnair drew lopsided phalli on Goyle’s and Crabbe’s faces and a crooked moustache on the bridge of Yaxley’s nose. _Close, though._

Severus coaxed Bellatrix out of Walburga’s cutches and started flirting blatantly. Rodolphus watched the scenery with mild interest.

Around the time when one should keep a careful eye on what was on the floor while walking, Regulus snatched himself a piece of the last cake-shaped cake. He was tired and in a sour mood while stabbing at the unsuspecting and innocent slice. Irritated, he thought about his brother, who probably had a lot of fun. While somewhat happy for him, the envy and feeling of abandonment would just not leave, as much as he tried.

_Surely, Remus is fucking Sirius' brain out by now._

Regulus' eyes widened.

 _Did I just say that out loud?_ His head snapped up, Bella and Severus staring at him, frozen in their tacks. _Oh no. Oh no no no nonono! Merde! Shit! Shit shit shit!_

But almost instantly the woman doubled over and sputtered vomit all over a very, very drunk Severus, who swore loudly but was unable to wobble away quick enough. Regulus sidestepped the next flood of her sick and excused himself. It was late enough to leave without gaining suspicion. On the way back to Malfoy Manor, he prayed to every deity whose existence he resolutely doubted, that Severus and Bellatrix were too drunk to remember come tomorrow. He considered confessing the maybe/maybe-not slip to his brother. But the call would be noticed and if Severus and Bellatrix indeed forgot about the slip, he would just urge on their memory. Also, his brother would be furious with him and if he ever wanted to make amends with him, wasn't it unwise to piss him off entirely without knowing that it was necessary?

The next days, Regulus was uncharacteristically jumpy. At dinners, he just pushed food around his plate, dreading the things that were to come. But nothing happened. Christmas came around and nothing happened. New Year’s Eve was two days ago, still nothing. _If they remembered, I would surely know it by now. Maybe I did not commit the biggest fuck-up of my life._

* * *

After hiding out in his childhood room until the All Star-only practices began, Regulus felt somewhat steady. He had arranged himself with the new circumstances, his revised moral-code and set of minds. His life was unsatisfactory and lonely. He was not happy but it was bearable. Practice went well enough. On ice, he could zone-out. What happened in his life was not of importance in the rink. _Hockey is about hockey only. Not friendship, not family, only competition_. His mantra made it through his mental refurbishment untouched.

What he thought off the ice was written on another sheet of paper.

At of the last All Star-only practices, shit went straight down to hell. The Death Eaters, filling up for Regulus and Severus to practice certain tricks, were in very good spirits. Regulus felt uneasy at the sight of them, huddled together and sneering. Then, he saw it. _He looks happy, in love._ His brain supplied while looking at the photos before it caught up. The caption, the comments. Regulus went numb, froze on the spot, barely realising he stopped breathing. Things seemed to happen around him but he wasn't part of reality anymore and only snippets penetrated whatever fog surrounded him.

"Thanks for the hint. I finally got the worthless faggot." Severus smirked and threw him an overexaggerated wink while turning to his stall.

His mother called, she was clearly drunk and kept ranting about the shame of Sirius' abnormity gone public and how furious their father was. He didn't bother to really listen but was certain there were no words of support for his brother or concerns about Sirius' feelings. Sirius, who was thrown into the most hateful part of the internet, who just wanted to play hockey and love who he loved, now having his private life on display for the public to rip apart. Their parents, apparently, did not know who let it slip but Regulus was sure, if they ever found out, he was in for more than a black eye.

He desperately wanted to reverse time, make it unhappen but he knew that this was not an option. This was reality _._

 _I messed up. Everything. Je suis désolé mon frère... I am so sorry brother_ The typical sarcasm and snark usually accompanying Regulus thoughts were long gone.

Mumbling something about extra laps, he turned back to the rink. Nobody said something, nobody came after him. They did not care and that was just what he needed. He ran laps until he was barely able to stay upright, head swimming, thoughts racing around but impossible to grasp, the weight on his chest suffocating. In the shower, Regulus collapsed on the floor. Sitting on the cold tiles, he was breathing hard as remorse, fear and shame mingled together to an unbearable sort of pain. Tears were running down his face, breath only coming in hard chopped sobs.

_Weak - disappointing – undeserving of affection - a meagre replacement, just a spare - not good enough - not fast enough - not strong enough - not worthy – unlovable._

These words kept spiralling in his head as he shoved his hands into his hair and pulled hard. His eyes fell on a shattered bottle beside him. Regulus was desperate to make his brain focus on something else, anything to make it stop. He grabbed the bottleneck and rammed the busted end into his thigh. Regulus did not feel the pain. Everything went blank as he watched the blood pour out of his leg and mix with the water on the floor, shower still running.

The silence brought some peace but something Regulus could not grasp felt off as he continued to watch his blood run down his thigh.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere, just let me have another look at your leg" 
> 
> Regulus started crying again, hearing only what he supposed was genuine concern and kindness in the other man´s voice. Slowly, he lightened his grip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweater Weather spin-off, inspired by the most wonderful lumosinlove. Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling, the Sweater Weather AU with OCs belong to lumosinlove, my OCs from this fic belong to me.
> 
> Warnings:
> 
> Past and present abuse, homophobia, slurs, mentions of forced outing, self-harm, a bit of blood, swearing, drinking, underage drinking (USA), is something missing?
> 
> Please be careful

Reality returned with a bolt of pain in Regulus' leg and a clatter in front of him. Some guy who looked like a maintenance-man stumbled over the mop he just dropped while hurrying over, turning off the shower and kneeling down beside him in the puddle of water, soap and blood. Regulus heard the man speaking but the sounds didn't connect to words in his brain.

He was still sobbing violently as he watched the shard being carefully pulled from his leg and replaced by a cloth that got pressed on the cut.

Eyes wide, Regulus just stared at the man in front of him. He was pale and slender, much more delicate than himself, probably in his mid-twenties. A lot of light brown hair was piled in a messy bun with a severe side cut on his left and there were tattoos. Lots of them covering on both of his arms from his wrists to the sleeves of his worn-out sweater, bunched up to the elbows.

Je jerked as he felt a soft tap on his cheek and looked the man in the face for the first time: His nose was straight with a ring in the right side and he is gnawing on his thin lips. The look in his green-hazel eyes lacked the calculation, malice and sneer Regulus was used to. There was just concern. Concern about Regulus, having a complete meltdown in the shower.

As Hays, it said on the tag on his chest, carefully wrapped his arms around him, mumbling soothing nonsense and just holding him like no one held him in years, he dissolved in another fit of sobs. And Regulus hated it. He hated that his, normally strong, control of his emotions failed him completely in front of this stranger. Embarrassment burned in his cheeks while couldn't stop sobbing and crying into the other man’s shoulder.

After minutes, hours or years - _who knows_ \- his sobs faded into ragged breathing and Hayes tried to disentangle himself from the death-grip around the other one´s chest. Regulus did not even remember putting his arms there. He was still deeply embarrassed but also unable to let go of this source of warmth and comfort, so he only grabbed him tighter, forcing a huff out of Hayes lungs.

"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere, just let me have another look at your leg"

Regulus started crying again, hearing only what he supposed was genuine concern and kindness in the other man´s voice. Slowly, he lightened his grip.

"Hi Regulus, I'm Ben", Hayes said while carefully lifting the cloth to inspect the wound. The bleeding mostly stopped and the cut looked rather nasty. _Brilliant_. His sacrasm resurfacing, Regulus felt better already but his eyes narrowed immediately as he realised that Hayes knew his name.

He opened his mouth.

"You are an NHL-player, mate. There is a gargantuan poster of you with your name on it in the entrance-hall I just happen to clean every other day." Hayes - _Ben_ \- supplied dryly before Regulus had worked anything out of his sore throat.

"As this does not seem to be a regular hobby of yours, I will not ask if you alright because you are clearly not" Regulus snorted at the deadpan expression and tone.

"I should get you to the hospital. Someone should have a look at this." Ben continued, nodding at Regulus' still slightly bleeding leg.

_Hell, no!_ Horror surged through Regulus and tied a firm knot in his stomach as he frantically shook his head. His parents mustn't find out how weak he was.

Ben eyed him thoughtfully while gnawing on his lip, got up to retrieve his phone from his pocket and Regulus felt his eyes widen in panic _._

_Merde! He's going to take a picture...that's it. I'm done for._

But Ben just pressed a reassuring hand to his shoulder as he dialled a number and put the phone to his ear. Regulus was silently freaking out and dreading the consequences of his emotional outburst but after a calm conversation to someone in, what Regulus thought might be Spanish, Ben tied the cloth on Regulus leg and gently pulled him to his feet.

_Oh sainte, he is so tiny._ Regulus could easily look over the other man’s head.

"You think you can manage to dry-off a bit and put some clothes on while I clean up the blood?"

Regulus stared.

Only then he realised that he was stark naked and that he was just as naked as he held this stranger in a death-grip... While crying on his shoulder... Sitting in a shower... Wouldn't it be for the new wave of embarrassment burning through his guts, Regulus would marvel at the hilarity of the situation. Instead, he silently nodded and limped to his stall.

He felt dizzy, his head bursting and empty at the same time. Even simple coherent thoughts seemed to slip from his grasp. He was tired and a numb version of sadness settled in his stomach. Head pounding and feeling sick, Regulus had neither energy nor capacity to think what to do about it all. He just sat there.

Ben joined him some undefined amount of time later, sat down beside him and, again, put a hand on his shoulder. Regulus couldn't help the flinch in automatic expectation of punishment. As no such thing followed, he relaxed a bit.

"If you want, I can drive you home." Ben offers and Regulus vaguely realises that he has no such place and he tells Ben so.

"Earlier on the phone, I talked to my boyfriend. Mateo is an EMP." Ben explained calmly after a moment of silence. Regulus notices Ben speaking so casually about having a boyfriend is very unlike everything he has ever known but has no energy to mull that over.

"He wants you to get your leg checked. His shift ends in about an hour and he wants you to remember that, if you come over, he is not allowed to tell anyone why you are in the hospital. You are over eighteen so even your parents have no right to know what happens there."

Regulus stared at him warily, only just comprehending what the other man talked about. Someone had replaced his with cotton wool.

"If you want, we can manage to get you into an examination room through the backdoor, so you do not have to sit in the waiting area, being recognised and stared at."

He looks into the open and friendly eyes of Ben, the encouraging smile on his face, and just nods. It was probably about eleven in the evening by now and he was sure that the Malfoys were too busy celebrating the harm he caused his brother to even realise he’s not there. They barely did on normal days. Ever since moving there, Regulus made it a habit of remaining silent and invisible in the house.

* * *

They arrived at some dodgy delivery entrance. While Ben guided him quietly through the Kitchen or something, the wheels Regulus brain slowly began to turn again. 

_Why did I step into the car with that guy? Shouldn’t I have learned by now, that trusting people is a horrible idea? Where the actual hell are we even going?_

But whatever Regulus anticipated, he did not expect to just be sat in an examination room to fill out some forms in peace and wait for an endless amount of time until a man entered the room.

Dr. M. Alves it said on his tag and Regulus vaguely suspected that this must be Mateo. The fog in his brain had started to properly clear up a while ago and he assumed that he could think clear again.

The man in front of him seemed a few years older than Ben and smiled professionally but there was also a genuine warmth in his dark brown eyes and wide face as Regulus stands up to shake his hand. While generally broader than Ben, the man was even shorter, his black, slightly shaggy hair only reaching up to Regulus' upper lip. _All these tiny people..._

* * *

"Regulus, you are just the tiniest little baby brother!"

"Sirius, get a grip. I'm eighteen and actually 6'2." Regulus huffed exasperatedly. Sirius was six years older. How was Regulus the mature one?

"But I am bigger." Sirius sing-songed.

"It is just an inch!" - "Still."

Regulus felt a fresh pang of guilt at the memory of what seemed the last of the very few careless conversations they had after his brother was drafted, shortly before his own draft.

* * *

"Regulus," Dr. Alves said, the warmth not leaving his eyes. The artificial light made is dark tanned skin look a bit queasy and accentuated the bags under his eyes.

"Ben called me and explained to me how he found you" Regulus grimaced at the memory. Dr. Alves seemed to notice and continued gentler, if that was even possible

"First, I want to check your leg and then we see how to proceed from there, OK?" Regulus just nodded and pulled down his sweatpants before he sat down on the examination table, realising that he forgot his underwear in the locker room.

Alves did not bat an eye. His, now gloved, hands carefully removed the blood-stained cloth and softly prodded the cut, eliciting painful twitches from Regulus' leg.

"The cut was caused by a glass shard?" The doctor asked and continued after a curt nod from Regulus.

"I need to make sure there is no glass left." He mentioned for Regulus to get up and ushered him into a second room. Luckily, he checked the cut for glass with an ultrasonic device, as two little chips were still in the wound and needed to be fumbled out with a pair terrifyingly long tweezers. _Splendid._

Back in the examination-room, Alves began tapping his nose with his finger while staring blindly at Regulus leg. He looked up into Regulus' face and seemed to recognise the insecurity there as he smiled again his warm smile.

"You play hockey, so we need to think of the best method to close the cut", he explained. "Regular stitches might pull to much during strain but glue will most likely come loose with too much movement." He looked up again, expectantly, but as Regulus had no idea what the doctor wanted to hear he just shrugged noncommittingly.

"I think the best option are butterfly-stitches that you can replace by yourself when they come loose." After tending the cut and showing Regulus how to correctly disinfect the area and replace the stitches, he sat down across from him.

"Now," he began carefully, "it is time to tell me what happened." As Regulus' face shut-off instantly, he continued "I am not allowed to tell any soul about what you tell me in here."

Regulus only looked at his feet, not sure what to do with the second person this night to seem to care for his wellbeing. Not to get him back on ice quicker, not to gain useful information... only for the sake of him feeling better. But could he really trust him? He trusted other people before. People he thought he knew. _And look how well that worked._

But this guy was not allowed to talk and breaking medical confidentiality would have very bad consequences for him. Unlike Slughorn, no one would protect him. So maybe, just maybe he could risk it. Also, there was no one here... not his cousins, not his parents. That was what he had hoped for since Thanksgiving. He was sitting in front of an uninvolved human being offering to help.

And for the second time this night, his eyes welled up. For the second time this night, he was embarrassed for his feelings. For the second time this night, he hated his lack of control. For the second time this night, he cried into the shoulder of a stranger, overwhelmed by the thought that this is how care feels, how his family was supposed to treat him. 

For the first time in his life, he spilled out all his carefully guarded feelings. And spilling, he did. Once he started, everything came out in a flood. He talked about his brother, his abuse and loneliness. The expectations of his parents and the shame he felt for how he treated his brother in his pathetic attempts to escape Sirius' success pressing down on him. He talked about his wish to please his parents, the abandonment and loneliness he felt himself, the envy and desperate longing for support and affection and his feelings of being undeserving.

Before he came to the part of how he accidentally outed his brother, he could stop himself. Mateo was a queer, too and might take this rather personally. Regulus could not deal with more people hating him right now.

Although he felt a bit bad for keeping quiet about the incident that had finally sent him off-kilter, he couldn't remember the last time he was so relieved, so at ease.

With the words "My shift ends now so I close up. Ben waits somewhere outside." still in his ear, Regulus stepped outside in the night, breathed the fresh air and had no idea what to do with himself. He checked his phone: No messages, so no one noticed his absence.

This thought elicited both elation and disappointment in him but before he could really think of it, Ben rounded the corner of the building with Dr. Alves in tow, both smiling at him.

"I know that sounds like a weird offer from strangers but if you want, we can take you with us to stay at our couch for the night." Dr. Alves offers still smiling warmly. This smile stared to unsettle Regulus a little. _How can anyone be that friendly all the time? Where is the catch?_

"No, thank you Dr. Alves." After a second, he added, considering his previous meltdown in the arms the two guys, looking at him expectantly. "That would be inappropriate."

"I am not at work anymore, so its Mateo. I am not than old" Dr. Alves countered cheerfully, completely oblivious to what Regulus had actually just said.

"You are known enough for someone to notice you missing eventually, so you don't have to fear us murdering you and selling your organs." Ben chimed in with a failed attempt of a joke.

_How very wrong you are..._ Regulus thought, considering the lack of messages on his phone. 

Now that he's calmed down again, he began to take in just how ridiculous his situation really was. These weirdly empathetic people didn't know him at all but offered him to stay on their couch?

_Well admittedly, Mateo probably knew him very well now but Regulus was not in the mood for rational consideration._ Who does that? What is the goddamn catch? What did he have, that they want?

Again, they seemed to sense something was going on in his brain. Regulus had always prided himself with his poker face. He could fool anyone. Or, so he thought. _Are they like, psychic... or did I lose all my, composure over the night?_ He couldn't afford to be read like an open book when he got back to his life.

The older men exchanged a look.

"We just try to give you a place to stay for the night as you don't seem too inclined to go to your usual place now." Regulus was impressed by how Dr. Alves - _Mateo_ \- avoided the word 'home' after all he heard and, in addition to so much tact, still tried to comfort him well past his shift. That is devotion.

Then, Regulus recognised the looks on their faces for what they were and felt cold again. He found the catch.

"No, thank you. I do not need your pity. Please find someone else to rescue and elate your conscience or what-ever you try to achieve with that."

What happened next was not what Regulus expected. He expected them to look blank, caught maybe or calculating. He did not expect the hurt in both faces, Bens expression quickly turning into anger.

"Now listen up you little shit!" he spat. "What I saw this evening was a desperate and very hurt young man sitting alone in a shower, crying and shoving a shard in his own leg! Of course, I am concerned, of course I try to help you out, it is the decent thing to do."

"Ben –" Mateo tried calmly. "No, Matty, that’s going too far! I know nothing about your upbringing, Regulus and Matty is not allowed to tell me anything but we are trying to help you! Yes, there is pity, and yes, we would both feel better if we knew you stayed at a safe place this night. But do not dare to accuse us of any ulterior motifs or calculation behind that, except giving warmth to someone who seems to desperately need it! So, get a grip, you fucking little menace, get in the car and have soup on our goddamn couch."

Reg could only stare, gaping like an absurd portrayal of a fish. No one except Sirius had ever had talked to him like that.... Plainly insulting him into feeling better. _What. The. Fuck._


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quiet but reckless voice in his mind - very different from the sneer that chimed up just a minute ago and sounding suspiciously similar to a younger Sirius- reminded him that he fucked up already and that he might as well go and enjoy his time while the universe and/or his mother were probably already in preparation to take him down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweater Weather spin-off, inspired by the most wonderful lumosinlove. Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling, the Sweater Weather AU with OCs belong to lumosinlove, my OCs from this fic belong to me.
> 
> Warnings:
> 
> Past and present abuse, homophobia, slurs, mentions of forced outing, self-harm, a bit of blood, swearing, drinking, underage drinking (USA), is something missing?
> 
> Please be careful

They stopped in front of a big apartment-building, windows mostly dark, it was almost one in the morning. There was no doorman, no entry hall to the building, just a corridor leading to stairs and a concerningly dingy lift. Ouais, enfin… _maybe I pay with my kidneys for this, after all._

The door to the flat opened, Regulus was pushed in and all but froze. He had never seen such a place.

There was no entrance hall in here either, the front door directly opened into a small living room with an open kitchen and a dinner table shoved into a corner, half hidden behind an overloaded laundry rack.

The windowsills were crammed with pot-plants in several states of... health? survival? decay? Books and knickknacks were messily shoved into the tall but sloping shelves lining the walls, which were painted in a soft warm yellow, making the room look sunny and warm, even in the middle of the night.

Nothing, not even the chairs or precariously crooked shelves seemed to belong to the same set of furniture. And was one of the table-legs different from the others?

It was... all over the place, really.

The worn maroon rug in the living area clashed horribly with the big, ugly purple corduroy couch and the mismatched and multicoloured throw pillows.

Posters of 80's movies -Regulus recognised _Ghost Busters_ and _Back to the Future_ \- and lots of unframed photographs almost covered the wall behind the couch.

On the far wall were three doors, one closed, one revealing bits of a very messy bedroom, the other ajar, sporting a poster of a rather ancient wooden privy... _What. The. Hell._

Regulus did not know what to make of this. He somehow loved it instantly while simultaneously cringing over all the chaos and all the stuff crammed in here. His, stylistically uninspired, mother would probably die of shock at the view and somehow that made the place a little more endearing to him.

However, he always thought of himself as tidy and some part of him died just a bit at the sight of the mismatched socks and shirts littering the part of the bedroom-floor he could see. This place, starkly contrasting the house he grew up in was bursting with life, messy and welcoming instead of an assembly of model rooms resembling what was shown in some posh interior-design magazine. This is what a home looks like, Regulus decided.

He allowed himself to be ushered further inside.

"Leave you shoes here please and put your coat..." Regulus turned around as the sentence did not continue and saw Ben looking at the overflowing coatrack behind the door.

"...Put your coat somewhere you will find it again" he concluded, nodding to himself.

Mateo already went past them into the kitchen and dived headfirst into the fridge. "We have some left-over Minestrone from yesterday, if you want, Reg."

Regulus turned, having disposed of his coat on one of the chairs. As he didn't answer for long enough to be considered impolite, Mateo lifted his head from the fridge, noticing Regulus blank stare

"Is it OK, if we call you Reg? Regulus sounds so stiff..." _This warm, infuriatingly disarming, smile_. Regulus could only nod.

These people rendered him speechless at a disturbing rate. Usually, he chose not to speak but with them, he often couldn't.

The only one who had ever called him Reg was Sirius and even he stopped that years ago. Could he really be Reg again? Was he allowed to? _No_ , a malicious voice echoed through his head. _You do not deserve that comfort. Remember what you did._ Regulus felt sick.

"Soooo... Minestrone?" – "I am not hungry, but thank you" Regulus looked at Mateo, hoping he would not call him Reg, regretting his thoughtless agreement.

"When’s the last time you eaten?" Ben asked as he came from the Bedroom in striped Pyjama-bottoms and an old shirt. Regulus tried to remember if he had had lunch today.

"If you need to think about it, it is too long ago. You eat." The man stated as Mateo chuckled and put a pot on the stove.

"Do never deny again that you are a freaking mother hen", he joked while walking into the bedroom, probably to change, too.

Regulus hovered in the room, wary and utterly confused. He struggled to maintain a safe distance, still trying to fathom what's going on and why these strangers were more welcoming and affectionate than his family ever been.

A quiet but reckless voice in his mind - very different from the sneer that chimed up just a minute ago and sounding suspiciously similar to a younger Sirius- reminded him that he fucked up already and that he might as well go and enjoy his time while the universe and/or his mother were probably already in preparation to take him down.

* * *

A while later he was seated on the ugly, lumpy couch, nursing a bowl of minestrone. He was clad in a much too small shirt ("this is the biggest shirt we have, you are just a giant") and borrowed underwear (his blood-stained sweatpants were soaking in the sink along with his, also bloody, shirt) and wrapped in a baby blue blanket with pink chickens on it. _Why does such an item even exist?_

The TV provided mindless background-noise while Ben and Mateo chattered along about anything and everything. Regulus just sat there in silence and listened intently. He never met people who would just go on and lay out their life in front of a person they just met. Let alone a person they found bleeding in the shower, mid-meltdown... Maybe their life history hinted on why they were so careless with private information.

And they really were. They told him everything and Regulus was confident he could write their memoirs by now.

Apparently, Mateo grew up in Manaus, Brazil _So, it was Portuguese, not Spanish_. ("That's where Rio Negro and Rio Solimões meet to form the Amazonas" _The more you know_...) He came to the US to study medicine on a scholarship, is in the last weeks of his training and only stays in Slytherin because

"One cannot choose their training hospitals on that scholarship. No offense, mate." _None taken._

They recounted how they met almost five years ago at an airport. That, after spending eight hours waiting for their delayed flight, they were joined at the hip. "Metaphorically and literally." Regulus went bright red at the innuendo while Ben patted his back sympathetically, shaking with suppressed laughter. He and Mateo were huddled up together in a yellow blanket with... Flamingos? _Where did they even get these bird-themed things?_

Ben had a sister, Josephine, who stayed here during semester breaks ("But do call her Jo or she will end you.") After Regulus gave a pointed look to the closed door, he was informed that he did not need to worry about their noise as she slept like the dead and even overslept a fire alarm in the building last summer.

Jo was 18, like Regulus but already in her Sophomore at Boston University as she skipped a year in middle school. "Got herself a scholarship and does computer-sciences, the insufferable nerd and know-it-all."

"She's really great, Reg. Ben is just her brother and thus, bound to think she’s annoying." Mateo interrupted Bens speech about his sister.

Regulus allowed himself a minute of going over the relationship with his own brother. Sirius was annoying. Very annoying, to be exact. But if anyone except him had called him out in the past, Regulus remembered feeling a little surge of protection against the git he was related to... maybe this was a siblings-thing.

He focused back on the conversation in front of him, fascinated by the insight of other people’s relations and upbringing. 

The siblings grew up in Bristol, Great Britain, and moved to New York when Ben was seventeen and Jo ten but he did not elaborate on why they came here. _That’s why I couldn’t place the accent._

Ben had studied Art History at NYU and actually worked at the Art Gallery in the city-centre. Cleaning the rink in the evenings was his means to save money for a tattoo shop he wanted to open in Boston, where they would move, come February, for Mateo’s new job.

He got informed that a note has been shoved under Jos door, announcing his presence, a spare toothbrush was presented and then, at nearly half past two in the morning, he is left for the night with a hug (!) from both of them. _How touchy they are._

Regulus was not cuddly, never had been.

 _Really?_ _You loved to snuggle up with Sirius in bed_. The voice of reckless young Sirius supplied unhelpfully. This whole situation was completely surreal but also comfortingly normal.

_This is a dream or, more likely, a godamn fever-trip. C’est pourri! This is shit!_ Regulus sighed.

These people were mad... hell, they didn't even know him. Yet, they took him in, fed him (very good) soup and freaking hugged him good night. They probably even stayed awake that long, filling the air with their complete life-story to keep him from feeling lonely... _Allez savoir pourquoi! God knows why!_

Reckless young Sirius suggested again to just roll with it and Regulus began to wonder whether he, instead of them, had gone mad.

This life he had a short glimpse into, this night was not real for him. He couldn't have that, considering the family he was born into and his obligation to live up to their expectations. Not to mention that he absolutely did not deserve being cared for after he _de facto_ kicked his brother in the face ruined and his career.

The tiny voice piped up again, but Regulus silenced it with an exasperated groan. _Yep, mad._

He surely would not sleep here on this odd couch. He would sit here, mull over all the shit that happened in just this one day, wait for them to wake up to thank them appropriately, return to the Malfoys and sleep there for a week to recompose himself.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the hell? Reg asked himself not for the first time since meeting Ben in the rink-showers and he was starting to freak out a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweater Weather spin-off, inspired by the most wonderful lumosinlove. Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling, the Sweater Weather AU with OCs belong to lumosinlove, my OCs from this fic belong to me.
> 
> Warnings:
> 
> Past and present abuse, homophobia, slurs, mentions of forced outing, self-harm, a bit of blood, swearing, drinking, underage drinking (USA), is something missing?
> 
> Please be careful

Regulus was woken by a heavy thud and someone swearing loudly. He was completely disoriented, his brain sluggish and not quite connecting what happened last night and how he ended up ...here. _N’importe quoi… Whatever…_

Blinking blearily, he spotted someone hopping on one leg, clutching their other foot in their hands, still generously swearing. _Erm..._ He snorted at a remarkably colourful curse and the head of the girl, so it seemed, snapped up.

She looked him up and down through dark-rimmed glasses and the floppy top of her ashy-brown pixie-cut, presently sporting a rather impressive bed head, while gnawing her bottom-lip like Ben sometimes did.

"Sorry." But her barely concealed grin belied the soft mumbling. She wasn't so sorry.

He slowly began to comprehend what was amusing her. Regulus was sprawled on the couch, his feet tangling off one end, drool sticking to his cheek, half-entangled in the chicken-blanket and clad in a hideous shirt with cow pattern that barely covered his midriff. Short, he was the epitome of sophistication, grace and elegance. _Ouais, enfin… c’est naze. Yeah, well... that sucks._

He could feel himself turning beet red and sat up, violently scrubbing his cheek.

"Good morning, you want Tea?" she asks. Regulus nodded without listening to what he just agreed to. _Maybe I won an Alpaca... Okay... I'm not awake yet. That is not an awake-Regulus thought._

While she turns to... get whatever he agreed to, he stood up and stretched in an attempt to wake up properly, feeling like he had barely slept at all. A glimpse on his phone confirmed his feeling: Half past five in the morning. He had about two and a half hours of sleep. He allowed himself his internal eyeroll, stretched again and winced, rubbing his stiff neck.

Then he took a look at the girl coming back from the kitchen with two steaming cups in her hands, a bottle of milk wedged between her upper arm and her ribcage and a paper bag of sugar pressed with her chin to her chest.

Regardless of the rather odd way of transporting stuff he notes that she is, no other way to say it, minuscule. Her shirt was reaching over her wide hips below mid-thigh and was most likely even smaller than the one he... clearly pulled off.

The girl -Josephine, he assumed- probably was around 5'2'' as she just reached the height of Regulus' shoulder, making him around a foot taller. _How does she get to, like, half of the stuff in this room_?

After briefly considering the height of Ben and Mateo, he wondered whether the door to the flat was a portal to the shire and he was now surrounded by friendly hobbits. _Definitely mad._ He snorted again. Since when did he even do this?

Jo dropped her cargo on the living room table without spilling anything, plopped down the couch and busied herself with the tea. When he settled down beside her, a cup was pressed into his hand while she poured milk into her own, gesturing for him to help himself. Concerning tea, Regulus had always been a purist. A bit of Lemon was acceptable in Earl Grey and that's about it. He eyed her milky-tea. _Wasn't she british?_ _Païenne._ _Heathen._

"I'm Jo. I sort of live here. Had an OK night?" she asked, not facing him.

"No" Regulus sore neck began to give him a tension headache and rubbing at it did not help at all.

At first, she just huffed at his deadpan answer but then looked up at him and he got a first look of her face. She was as pale as her brother, her face slim with a gentle jawline and high but not overexaggerated cheekbones. Her eyes were framed with very dark lashes, a dark blue borderlining green with hazel flecks around her Pupils similar to her brothers but also very different, open and sparkling, the bridge of her slightly broad button nose was sprinkled with pale freckles and the tip sported a silver septum-ring. Her full lips were currently being gnawed at, paired with a raised eyebrow. This soft and expressive face was about as different from his mother’s as possible and Regulus' stomach gave an undignified churn.

"Quoi?", he was suddenly very irritated, "I had about two hours of sleep and my brain is pounding through my skull! I have no nerve for idle chatter and polite exchange of pleasantries."

Jo gave him a second glance, put both their mugs at the table and sat down on top of the back of the couch, directly behind Regulus.

"What-" he started again but was curtly interrupted "Oh bloody hell, belt up!" _What?!_

"I am not nearly as socially gifted as the other two himbos. I do not beat around the bush, I do not small talk, I was a nice and considerate host, offered tea and stuff although I prefer my mornings calm and solitary. I do not have the patience to deal with snappy dudes on my couch so hold still. I'm gonna fix your neck and we try again." _So, bullying people into feeling better runs in the family..._

That said, she pulled his shoulders back so that he was sitting straight and began carefully kneading his neck up to his hairline. I hurt. A lot, but somehow her hands tingled on his skin in a completely irrational matter. Then, Jos hands reached up to the base of his skull and her thumbs very precisely and firmly pressed on two rather sensitive spots he didn’t even know were there. Regulus gasped and tensed up.

"I know, but it gets better soon. Ben used to twist his neck all the time. I know what I’m doing." her voice was much softer now. Then, she pressed into similar tender spots on his shoulders and shuffled back to sit beside him.

"Better?"

He took a few breaths to realise that, indeed, the pain was almost gone. "Yes."

"Nice. Shall we have a civil and less snappy conversation now?" It came over rather rude but there was a smirk in her eyes and a corner of a lip was twitching slightly.

"Why are you even awake now?" Regulus mumbled after sitting in silence for a while.

"Just am. I've always been an early riser and as resident introvert I do genuinely enjoy mornings on my own to prepare for a day full of dealing with people and have other exasperating encounters."

Regulus turned his head towards her. "Are you always this plain about things?"

By now, Jo had tucked herself in the corner of the couch, sitting cross-legged and playing with a hole in her sock.

"As I told you, I do not beat around the bush. I mean, I am capable of cordiality but interaction with people is bound to lead to miscommunication. Why make it worse by hidden meanings, hinting on things or even expecting that the other one is a mind reader... People are hard work as is; Many of them are daft, stubborn or worse, both. I prefer to keep strangers at an arm’s length."

Instead of a witty remark, Regulus gave an embarrassing little chuckle. _How very eloquent..._ He liked her view on society. "You are a little overdramatic now, don’t you think? Besides, you just gave me a neck massage. That was closer than an arm’s length."

"No and no." He risked a side glace at her, caught a short smirk and smiled into his tea, realised what he was doing and gave an internal admonishing glare at his composure.

"I suspect you know the difference between literally and metaphorically, too. So m'just gonna continue in the belief you're shitting with me. Here you go with the literal answer: The massage was self-preservation. You're an unbearable little git when in pain."

Regulus raised his eyebrows in a mock expression and leaned in the opposite corner of the couch "I see. Am I now of decent demeanour, your grace?"

"Surprisingly tolerable." She returned the with a smirk.

They bantered and talked about random stuff (A great amount of time was put into determining the best _Disc World_ Series – Truce between _Ankh-Morpok City Watch_ and _Death_ ) for what felt like hours and seconds at the same time. Regulus profession was not even part of the conversation and he didn't think he had ever talked for so long with someone without getting to hockey and the mess that came with the name Black, eventually.

He felt strangely at ease here, catching himself paying less attention to his meticulously established guard. He barely scanned Jos words for hidden implications or concealed prying, like he was so used to do. It became so much second nature to him that, until now, he didn't even realise how exhausting this habit was.

_What the hell?_ Reg asked himself not for the first time since meeting Ben in the rink-showers and he was starting to freak out a little.

After an uncommonly long silence he noticed Jo looking at him again while gnawing her lips. It seemed to be a giveaway that she's about to ask something uncomfortable.

"Reg?" The use of the pet-name felt like a slap. He should really tell them to stop this.

"How do you know my name?" Apparently, Regulus was still not used to being known.

"The note this morning only read: The guy on the Couch is Reg, be nice." Jo really tried to sound light-hearted.

Regulus was starting to get suspicious again. "Ah. What?"

"I do not want you to feel like shit so tell me if you do not want to answer: Why are you here?" Jo shiften unconftably in her corner.

"I do not want to answer." Regulus prepared himself for the inevitable interrogation.

"OK." _Here we go…_ _Wait._

"That’s it?"

"Sure, why would I pry?" The girl furrowed her brows while looking at him over the brim of her cup.

He felt strangely content until now, that he remembered why he was here and asked himself what these people actually wanted from him. The knot in his stomach was back with full force as he felt the waves of guilt washing over him.

He ruined his brother live and was sitting on a couch, drinking tea and joking around with strangers? He got up abruptly, plucked is clothes from the heating unit and changed quickly, not giving a flying fuck about giving the girl a prime view of his naked arse. Jo stood between him and the couch, her brows still furrowed.

"I need to go." With that he was out of the door and only just heard her calling

"Hey idiot, you can come back this evening if you want to" before the doors of the elevator closed. _Smooth, Black. Real smooth._


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- “Are you serious?” Jo asked after a short silence.  
> \- “No, that’s my Brother, I am Regulus.” he answered absentmindedly. Ben and Mateo snorted but Jo just looked puzzled.  
> \- Regulus looked back, similarly puzzled. “Sirius Black, the famous, freshly outed, Captain of the Gryffindor Lions?”  
> \- Still nothing but a furrowed brow... “NHL?”  
> \- "Yeah, yeah, heard of it but hold on, your full name is Regulus, like your real name? And your brother is, in fact, named Sirius, that’s not a fake, too?”  
> -“That is your Question? And no, its Sirius Orion and Regulus Arcturus Black, actually.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go. 
> 
> This is a little fluffier, I think. But still, stay save.
> 
> Thank you for reading, leaving Kudos and Comments =) That makes me very happy.
> 
> Also, I initially thought the next chapter would be the last but I got carried away... so there's more :P

Out of precaution, Regulus decided to sneak into Malfoy Manor through the kitchen window. He scoffed at the thought that everyone always assumed he was a model son. Sure, he kept his head down, all appearances and he was once very eager to please his parents but that didn't mean he hadn't a rebellious streak.

Sirius often got caught trying to sneak out the house... through the back door... too obvious. _Idiot_. But he learned over time. Regulus, on the other hand, learned to pick locks and sneak out of windows quiet early on. It was much stealthier and more unsuspected from the obedient, quiet kid.

Around 16, Regulus did this very often, trying to live a little under the thumb of his parents and while pretending not to. Sirius was bold, brave and often getting shit for it. Regulus was collected and sneaky. His escapades went unnoticed. It was all about the right balance. He asked to go out often enough to be considered normal. His parents said no more often than not and Regulus just had to ask for events he was not really interested in. When they said no, he would obediently stay at home and just sneak out to the stuff he actually wanted to go to. Unsuspecting.

He went to several high school parties and concerts, albeit hating crowds, because that was what teenagers did right? What they enjoyed. Regulus did not enjoy the drinking, the stuffed rooms and the gross drunk make-out sessions. Maybe he was born as snarky old man, always been more of a Waldorf, in need for his Statler.

Once in his room, Regulus showered, changed and was just in time for Lucius to take him to practice.

* * *

The mood in locker the locker room was disgustingly cheerful. Several Death eaters were reciting their favourite slurs against Sirius and all the “faggots”, how they called queers, in general, accompanied by hollering, whistling and applause.

Regulus thought of Sirius, of Ben and Mateo, how kind and loving they treated him, and it took all his badly patched up self-control to keep his expression blank and polite. _This is not right._

He did not return to the shire this evening. Instead, he spent a long time running in the neighbourhood of the Malfoys, trying to sort through the last days.

When he collapsed exhausted into bed this evening, he came to the conclusion that there was actually no way he could get through the mess in his very own… _The psychologist-thing was meant as a joke at Thanksgiving, Black…_

* * *

The next evening, he nervously rang the bell besides the name tag Hayes/Alves, not knowing whether someone is even at home but he was let into the building and a moment later he found himself unable to knock on the door to their flat. These people owed him noting, why would they even let him in again after he practically stormed out yesterday?

The door was yanked open anyway and a relieved looking Mateo pulled him inside. “There you are, we were worried!”

“What? Why?”

“You were rather upset when you bolted yesterday” Jo provided from the kitchen, a spoon in her mouth and an almost empty can of ice cream in her hands.

“Hey, there you are!” Ben chimed happily, stepping out of the bathroom in his pyjamas and towelling his hair.

“Are you guys mad?” Regulus blurted suddenly, “You don’t know me, I stormed out yesterday after all you have done like an ungrateful asshole and you are actually happy that I'm back?”

“Sure.” All three answered as one, baffling him completely.

“Why?” He was almost desperate, “You have absolutely no gain from me being here... I am just a rookie so no one will buy my secrets from you, I am rather rich but you have nothing to properly blackmail me so what do you want?!”

“Are you serious?” Jo asked after a short silence.

“No, that’s my Brother, I am Regulus.” he answered absentmindedly. Ben and Mateo snorted but Jo just looked puzzled.

Regulus looked back, similarly puzzled. “Sirius Black, the famous, freshly outed, Captain of the Gryffindor Lions?”

Still nothing but a furrowed brow... “NHL?”

'Yeah, yeah, heard of it but hold on, your full name is Regulus, like your real name? And your brother is, in fact, named Sirius, that’s not a fake, too?”

“That is your Question? And no, its Sirius Orion and Regulus Arcturus Black, actually.” Jo anything but shrieked, joining the other two hobbits already shaking with mirth by now. 

“Ok, that’s - that’s just bad, I'm sorry” she wheezed after a few minutes.

“I always thought these were aliases… I see that I need to revaluate my bad-name categories.”

“Alors, I call you Josephine from now on?” Regulus was met with a surprisingly deathly glare that sent Ben and Mateo straight into another fit.

A grin started to tuck at the corner of Regulus’ lips but there were still pressing questions.

“Jo, you have no idea of the disaster that went on? You didn’t even check Twitter?”

“Nah, I don’t frequent social media. While I prefer to limit my direct interaction with other people, assholes accumulate there and throw all their bullshit around, guarded by the anonymity of the internet. I think a dentist appointment is less annoying.” The grin tucked again. This weird mixture of slang and hoity-toity wording was just gold.

“But you do watch ice hockey?” He was not sure why that was important for him. Maybe to find out, what she knew about him, maybe because to find out more about her.

“Sometimes yeah. For me you are Reg, the rather giant dude that slept on our couch, that prefers his tea bitter and gross and does not say thank you. The guy with the enjoyable dry humour and good taste in literature that luckily balances his abysmal taste in movies.”

At that Regulus laughed, too. He didn’t know, why exactly but he felt giddy with the idea that these were the first people who wouldn’t define him through hockey and his family. That although they knew of his profession, here was just Reg, not Regulus Arcturus Black, Son of Orion Black, number 72 of the Snakes. _Maybe I can have this, after all._

Is this, what Sirius had with his team, with Remus? Another pang of guilt let the laughter die in his throat, his eyes welled up. _Not again…please._

But there was no time to recompose himself. Quickly, he was shoved onto the couch, wrapped in the chicken-blanket and surrounded by these idiots caring for him for some reason he still did not understand.

For the third time, his walls broke. _Where there even walls by now?_ Regulus felt rather leaking with emotions.

But of course, he could not keep it in around them and spilled all his life to the three of them, not in as much detail he told Mateo in the hospital but also not keeping his role of Sirius’ outing to himself. Once all was out, there was a tense silence... of course there was, he just told the gay couple in front of him that he forced his brother out to be tormented by a crowd of imbecile haters on the internet.

Regulus was sure, his little excursion into a happy family ended now. Just as he guessed on the first evening here but instead of scolding and disapproving, cold glares he found himself hugged by Ben, again. _He gives good hugs;_ his brain supplied uselessly.

“It’s a shitty move to out someone Reg, there is nothing to sugar coat.” Ben sighed.

“But what they did with that information and how the people online reacted is not your fault.”

Regulus said nothing, just closed his eyes and buried deeper in the shoulder of Ben, who practically sat on his lap to reach the height for such an embrace.

“But your feelings were hurt, too at that time and a lot of people used you. Fuck your family. You know what, I’m your mom now!”

Regulus just continued crying silently into Ben’s Shoulder, Mateo’s hand rubbing slowly over his back, chuckling at Ben’s statement.

“Mother hen.”

This showed what he had suspected for a while now, proof that his parents were not just a little strict. That something in his childhood went horribly wrong and he had no idea what to do with that information except crying it out.

When he calmed down a bit, Ben and Mateo got up to make some tea and finish dinner while quietly talking in Portuguese. So, it was something he was not meant to understand. His stomach knotted uncomfortably.

“Reg?” Jo tried quietly, she had not reacted in any way so far. He had even forgotten that she was still perched on the carpet beside him and somehow, he dreaded what was to come next.

“Hm?”

“Earlier, at the door, as you said that you do not know of what use you are for us as we cannot even blackmail you... you were not joking?” He shook his head, new tears threating to well up. How were there still tears left and what happened to his composure again?

“You really expected us to just care for you as long as we could gain profit?” There was no accusation in her voice just sadness and concern. He shrugged his shoulders; did he think that? No, but this was the only form of interaction he knew, everything always came with a price, an expectation.

The next thing he felt was Jo not practically but literally perched on his lap, straddling his hips, wrapping her arms around him and leaning her cheek against his temple. He knew already that, opposite to her brother, Jo was not the touchy feely type with strangers.

He was not considered a stranger anymore, after a day?

“I don’t know if there is anything one could say to make it better, so I will just keep my mouth shut and hug you until you believe that we like you and care for you. Just like that. As long as it will take.” She wiggled a bit to demonstrate getting comfortable.

There was nothing sexual about the embrace although they were pressed together from shoulders to hips und she just _wiggled in his lap._ It was completely opposite to the girls that approached him at the parties he sneaked out to. These were eyeing him hungrily, like a trophy. Some of them (very drunk, to their defence) even told him how similar he looked to Sirius… and how sexy they found his brother. He shivered a bit at the memory and gladly went back to reality.

“You might die of old age while waiting.” Regulus lifted his head to check the effect of his attempt in humour on her face but she just tucked his head back, giving a soft huff.

“Nah. 'M convincing but probably need to excuse myself to the bathroom or the fridge in between” 

He closed his eyes again, wrapped his arms around her waist and relished in the hug without questioning why this hug felt different, more intimate than Ben’s or Mateo’s.

After an undefinable amount of time, the men came back with plates of Vegetable Quesadillas and Guacamole.

“Comfort Food, my avozinha’s recipe.”, Mateo commented

Instead of answering his question for cutlery, Ben met his eyes, pointedly grabbed a Quesadilla, dipped it in the guacamole and shoved the whole thing in his mouth without breaking eye contact.

Reg snorted with laughter.

* * *

Of course, Ben spilled more than just a little on his shirt.

While Ben and Jo were cleaning the dishes and Ben, Mateo came over with a fresh cup of tea.

“Hey” Reg lifted his head. “I’m talking now as your fried -or co-mom, apparently- that just happens to also have studied medicine” he nodded for Mateo to continue.

“You went through a lot. Not just lately. And you struggle to cope.” _Alors, the poker face seems to be gone…_

“I do not say that you are weak, you are not! But you might want to consider the help of a therapist to sort through your feelings and your past. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of knowing your boundaries and taking care of yourself. I do not want to talk you into this, you need to want that for therapy to help. So, take you time to think about that, if you need. You can always come to us to talk but no one here is a therapist so we can only help you so far. OK? We are not disposing you to a shrink. Our door is open for you but you might want to have different type of help.”

Reg sat the in silence after this speech, hand running through his hair and rubbing his neck.

He had thought about that, more and more serious since Thanksgiving but hearing it and having the confirmation that he was welcome here …a thought formed in his brain, shortly followed by his usual determination.

"I want this to stop. I want to get better." He looked at Mateo and was met with his signature genuine, warm smile.

"You have a team therapist, don't you? It might be the fastest way to an appointment."

Reg grimaced at the thought of Dr. Slughorn. Generally well-meaning but when in doubt always humouring Riddle.

"I wouldn't trust him with taking the trash out." Regs grimace it met with a raised eyebrow.

"Do you want me to help you find someone else?" Mateo asked carefully and after a relieved nod from Reg, continued. "OK. Good, this is really good. Now for the next part."

Red furrowed his brows

"Ben and I talked, and we want to offer you to stay here for a while after All Star, out of the clutches of your family. Of course, you have to go to practice and stuff but maybe it would be healthier for you to feel less controlled, less suffocated by them. We would find something else for you to sleep on than the couch, of course." Mateo joked.

Reg blinked at the guy in front of him in disbelieve _. Encore: What the hell?_ "You would do that? Let me stay?"

"Yep. We are your moms now, after all." Ben all but yelled over from the kitchen.

_This isn't a fever-trip. This is a dream, and I hope that I will not wake up too soon._

This night, he spent in Jos bed. 

"The couch is lumpy so we will share that bed. I'm not ruining my neck for you." Was her announcement before she marched off, Reg in tow.

He was led into the room, expecting a bedroom and was greeted with a little bureau.

"Erm..." Was all Reg could say.

"Well I only stay here during semester breaks so it's mor like a multi-purpose room." Jo seemed to miss the point entirely.

"But there is no _bed_?!"

She gave him an odd look and... folded a mattress out of the closet? "You've never seen a Murphy bed?"

"Obviously."

A little while later Reg squeezed himself beside Jo in the double bed. _How does such a small person take up so much space?_

“Won't it fold up in the night and swallow us whole?" The thought made him nervous, but he was greeted with the Hayes™ way of soothing. Bullying into feeling better.

“Not with your fat ass in here. Sleep or I send you back to the couch.”

They did not sleep for a long while.

Instead the talked a lot like on the first morning that felt like years ago although it has been just two days. In these days, his life was turned inside out, fortunately. He liked this version better.

The more they talked and bantered, the more Reg understood, that she really did not calculate her moves but just did what seemed the honest, right and fair choice… which is why she was horrible at the midnight chess match: Not thinking a few steps ahead and no intention of sacrificing figures or threatening enemy figures… irritating and endearing.

Also, she had quite a lot of very good burns but apologised every time afterwards. _Hilarious... too nice for her devilish mind._

The next morning, he woke up around four, with Jo's back tucked against his side. He had slept about two hours, not able to sleep any longer anyway but he stayed in bed, secretly enjoying the feeling of a warm weight beside him.

Thoughts about his brother were still omnipresent in his mind but right now, other thinks demand his attention. Reg was pretty sure that he was falling for Jo.

He had had one or another crush in school but what he felt now was magnitudes stronger. Coming to think of it, his feelings about Ben and Mateo were also magnitudes stronger but... different. The idea of the girl he just met not being within an hour driving distance, once she returned to Boston, left a weight on his chest, accompanied by an unfamiliar longing.

But that was not the point... everything would be OK with that point. The point was, it's not the same as he heard all the other guys in school, in the locker room talk about girls… he didn't get off imagining her naked, or both of them having sex, he never thought that about anyone, actually, and was convinced the boys boasting about how they want to hit all these girls and how they got horny every time some girl with a too-short-to-be-comfortable skirt walk by, were just exaggerating… or were they not? Was there something he just didn't understand, hadn't experienced yet? It's not that he hadn't had sex before and it was nice enough, but he never quite understood why people would go absolutely nuts about this past-time exercise. It was basically wanking with extra steps.

Hell, Reg felt not even aroused by Jo's ass pressed to his thigh in her sleep but he was very sure that he wanted to hold her close, feel her skin under his hands, her body pressed to his, to kiss her and be definitely more than friends with her; And he had absolutely no idea how to explain this to her and still hope for a chance of dating her eventually... This was not what people were looking for in a partner, was it?

He groaned... was there nothing simple on this world for him?

But then again, Jo _was_ different, that's why he liked her, she had this no-bullshit attitude that let her stomp on several feet regularly. She was the only person he knew that would most likely appreciate if he just spoke his mind about the situation and have a balanced, rational and decidedly calm discussion about their feelings. He silently laughed. The thought about such a conversation was ridiculous but fairly simple. Maybe this would be easier than he first thought. He was not sure on what terms they would end but the situation would be evaluated and free of misunderstandings at the end.

He would talk to her after All Star, after facing his brother and trying to... what?

* * *

Telling Lucius and Narcissa that he wanted to stay elsewhere for a few nights went smoother than expected. After a short call with his mother she agreed to give him a bit of freedom. After the outing, his parents seemed to be eager to keep Reg as the good son. So, Walburga was in kind of open for some little claims. Of course, she wanted to know where he was staying so he pretended to need alone-time after the shock of his brother's outing and booked a hotel room until All Star as cover. He was definitely not risking his Mother taking this very fragile attempt of escape away from him.

Reg quietly packed a bag with clothes to take with him directly from the airport after All Star and spent his waiting time at the airport on the phone with Mateo, looking for a therapist. He would meet Dr. Bones close to the Hospital, Mateo worked at, next Thursday.

The flight with Snape was horrible. Reg tried to keep his thought about Sirius at bay, not checking social media at all but Severus kept sneering about Queers in general and Sirius. He laid open all the information he could dig up out about Remus and even announced proudly, that he forwarded it all to the commentators of the red carpet

 _Oh… merde._ _C’est pourri! They are in for a shit-show._

But Reg would not have to opportunity to contact Sirius before that.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The All-Star games... thats about it :P
> 
> In calls and texts:  
> Reg is normal  
> Ben is underlined  
> Mateo is italic  
> Jo is bold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello fellow people. He we go again. Inititally I wanted to stop here but there are still so many ideas that there will be a few more chapters.  
> Thank you all for reading, leaving comments and kudos. This means a lot to me <3

When Reg got from the airport to the hotel to change into his suit, he learned that his mother had, indeed, tricked him again. The contacts on his phone were mostly deleted and he had to share a room with Severus, who was less than thrilled at the prospect.

"I have to share a room with you to make sure you stay mommies little boy! Rookie, I tell you, get close to that faggot and I rip you apart. I'm not getting shit from Riddle or your mother because you don't stay at the sight side." He growled at Reg and combined with the cold glare of his deep-set eyes, Reg was convinced that he could -and would- actually do that.

"Your mother will be here tomorrow to have a look herself." They had him... he could not escape... his happy family idea was gone; The universe had hit back. He thought of losing his Hobbits, as he named Jo, Ben and Mateo and it pained him too much to let it dwell. Reg closed his eyes with a sigh and a resigned nod.

Of course, they had to arrive at that damn Red Carpet together with Sirius and Tremblay. Walking behind Sirius was bad, walking there with Severus eyeing his every movement was worse but the worst was when Reg saw the look on Sirius' face. Tired, lonely, _hurt_. He heard bits of the questions his brother was asked and hurt with him. _Hockey is about hockey, not what a player does in his spare time._

And there was nothing he could do. He had to re-watch the introduction with a proudly sniggering Severus four times this evening without a chance to sneak out and find Sirius. Reg considered drowning himself in the bathtub. He really ruined it for his brother ...and Remus. That poor guy who probably lived a peaceful live until now, that he was accused of fucking his way up. What he heard on the phone that dreadful night did not sound like he took advantage of his brother's fame.

The next morning, he briefly met his mother, who dismissed him curtly, her eyes scanning the players for his brother.

"Regulus, do what you are told. No missteps! You really thought I would let you roam freely, disgracing the name of Black even more?" her long nails were digging though his armour, her voice calm but freezingly cold. They would not let him go and stay with Ben and Mateo. He was stuck with his actual family. Although completely unhelpful, Regulus felt the abandonment by Sirius cut in his chest. _He left me with them... he knew how they were, even then._

But determined as always, he tried to help Sirius. He came here to talk to him, to -hopefully- mend fences and become brothers again.

 _How do I even get to him secretly?_ Regulus was still finalising his tactic as he noticed Severus and his mother glaring daggers at Sirius, looking much better than yesterday and signing stuff for people covered in rainbow-flags. He made an uncommonly rash decision.

Regulus quickly skated over to his brother, almost knocking him over and tried to warn him without being obvious. If he looked angry, he could play it off as scolding, if his mother inquired. But Sirius wouldn't understand that he tried to warn him, not to berate him. Reg allowed himself his internal eye-roll as he had nothing else going for him. _Connard stupide._

That damn Tremblay wouldn't go away either and there was not much he could explain without him overhearing. _Il est trop relou. He's annoying._

And before Regulus had conveyed the, rather important, message that their mother was coming for him, Snape called him over. After the skills-competitions, which he lost (much to the disdain and disappointment of his mother), he was ushered into the hotel room, petulantly supervised by Severus until the next day.

During the games, Snape couldn't hover around him and Regulus was paired to play with Sirius. He was not sure, whether he should be glad or upset about this. He missed his few days of peace with his Hobbits, missed the easy conversations with Jo, missed being Reg.

Regulus felt miserable. Sirius had made it clear that he did not want him anymore and he dreaded going back to the prison that was his life. He rubbed over the butterfly stitches, closing the cut at his thigh and somewhat cursed meeting Ben at all. Without him, he wouldn't have known how lousy his life actually was. He was not in the mood anymore to get through to Sirius although the All-Star people all but shoved him into his face. He wanted to be left alone.

That was, until Sirius spoke, really spoke to him. Made clear that he did not hate Regulus, called him Reg, told him that he would help him get out if he wanted to.

His thoughts were twirling in his brain. There was a rapid shift in their estranged relationship, one that Reg loved. But they hadn't talked about the outing-thing and he grew more and more terrified of losing it all over again when he opened up. But Sirius seemed quite happy with the prospect of sorting things out. _Alors, because he has no idea of the shit-show on the horizon._

Reg was happy, too. His brother really stayed with him. He did not go after the interviews, where he found the courage to openly support his brother, not just quietly in his mind. But he was also scared out of said mind by the prospect of returning to Slytherin, especially after that public statement.

Sirius turned to him. “Come back to Gryffindor with me. Minnie got you a seat with me and Logan. Tomorrow.”

There was an out? Relieve beyond belief soared though Reg as his brother pulled him into a hug. They hadn't done that in years. But the embrace triggered a chain of thoughts that yanked him out of his comfort. _Ben_. He thought there was an out before, but Ben and Mateo were not in the position do really help him, as much as they wanted to. Sirius, on the other hand had quite a bit of leverage.

Reg felt ungrateful.

That weird guy who found him bleeding and crying in the shower, hugged him, took him home and just made him part of the family in three days.

_"You know what, I’m your mom now!”_

_“I’m talking now as your fried -or co-mom, apparently..."_

Both, Ben and Mateo said that after Reg confessed what he had done. Even then, they wanted him to be there, to stay with them. He wanted to be with them, too but not with everything else waiting in Slytherin. His throat was tight. Reg wanted both. He wanted to keep this new-found people and be with his brother. And he felt like shit for assuming Sirius gave him a better chance for an escape.

But Reg and Sirius hadn’t talked yet. His brother new nothing. Would he still be so inclined to take Reg with him if he knew who turned his life inside-out? He needed to talk to him before they boarded the plane. And he needed to talk to Ben and Mateo. And Jo. Wonderful, funny Jo, who was open, honest and kind. Who cared for him and liked him as person, not as hockey player. And Jo, who he would probably leave behind just like Ben and Mateo for his brother. If Sirius still wanted him.

The fear of losing so much nearly overwhelmed him. He needed an out.

“Okay,” Regulus said into Sirius’ neck, voice thick. “Okay."

They would meet at Sirius room in about an hour. Time for Reg to sneak into his own room and gather his things, hopefully without running into Severus.

 _Thank all the deities whose existence I doubt that Severus is anywhere but in there._ Reg thought relieved after closing the door behind him. He felt a bit calmer now that he made a plan. He would call the Hobbits from a telephone booth he saw on his way (Apparently, they still existed).

A small piece of paper with the number was shoved into his pocket by Mateo before he went to the airport in Slytherin.

"Just in case."

* * *

"Hello?"

"Ben?"

"Reg? Hi! Is everything OK? What kind of number is this?" 

" **We watched All Star all day, you did great!!!** " Jo's voice drifted in from the off

"Erm... yes, well... um...I call from a telephone booth and I- I kind of need to talk to you guys."

" _Okaay... I didn't know these things still exist. Anyway, do you want me to put you on speaker_?"

"OK." Reg felt so nervous, his voice was tight, his gut clenched.

_"Hello there, Reg! What's up?"_

"Erm..." The Reg of question had no idea how to approach the issue, but time was pressing.

_"Come on, it's us. What's bothering you?"_

"I- I talked to Sirius and he wants to take me with him home but he doesn't know it's all my fault and Maman will not let me stay with you she will find a way and if I don't leave with Sirius I might never get out of there but I do not want to leave you guys and I do not want to be ungrateful but I feel like this but I really want out of there but maybe Sirius doesn't want be with him once he finds out and please don't hate me." Once the floodgate opened it all came out in a stumbled, confused word-vomit.

_Smooth and collected._

"Whoa, whoa Okay. Keep calm, everything's okay. Just let us go through that one at a time. Do you have enough coins?"

"Yes." He choked out.

Good. So, we try to repeat to what you have told me in some kind of order, and you tell me if we got that right, OK?

"OK."

_"You talked to your brother and he wants to help you out of your abusive situation. You think that he can really help you, but you are afraid he doesn't what once he learns how he got outed, right?"_

Reg couldn't answer. That was on point. Instead, he let out a deep sigh. "Mhm."

_"Okay. Well, we do not know Sirius. So, we don't know how he might react but at least on the screen he seemed to be getting more confident with this. Talk to him. I'm sure he sees that, while you accidentally started the whole thing, the reaction of the people is not your fault."_

"But-" Reg all but choked out. He was so fucking afraid. _But what if not?_

"I know. Maybe you have to trust him a little there."

"I- I try. There is not much else I can do anyway, is there?" A bitter laugh escaped his lips.

" _Well, you could also come back to us. I know you said your mother wouldn't let you." Ben said quickly before Reg could tell him exactly that_.

" _But if everything else fails, rebook your flight to another time and we get you directly from the airport. Please keep that in mind. Our door is open for you. We're your moms, after all._"

" _None of us is mad because you want to get out. We want you to get out, too. You are not ungrateful. It's not that you walk out on us or anything_."

" **Also, phones and stuff exist, obviously. Or did you plan to say goodbye now and never call again?"**

Jo hadn't said anything so far and Reg ached with the slight insecurity in her voice. But then all the other things they said seeped through his mind, followed by warmth. They did not hate him; They were not angry. He hadn't messed up, so far.

"I- No. No, this is not a goodbye. I just wanted to talk to you, let you know what changed."

"And that was very nice of you, my son. Now, better go and talk to Sirius, yeah? And please give us a short call or send a message later. So that we know whether we have to kidnap you on Slytherin airport, or not." Ben sounded like he was joking but practically ushered him from the phone.

* * *

For the last five minutes, any unsuspecting hotel guest on floor three would have had the opportunity to observe one Regulus Black attempting to knock at a door and failing repeatedly.

_Alors, Regulus Arcturus Black. Where are your metaphorical balls? Knock on that fucking door already!_

The moment he did, he regretted it a little. Sirius flung the door open, phone at his ear, grinning. _Hey._ He mouthed and jerked his head to beckon Reg inside. Once the door was closed, Sirius looked at him again, still grinning and gesturing at his phone. _Remus. Want to say hi?_

Reg was very sure that he did not want to say hi. He still dreaded the wrath of both of them and shook his head no, looking pained.

~~~~~~

Looking at the frantic shaking head of his brother, Sirius felt his stomach knot. _What if he's not as accepting as he told the media? Does he hate me after all?_

After saying goodbye to Remus and hanging up, there were a few eternities of awkward silence. They hadn't been alone in a room together since... a long time ago.

"Alors... Reg, erm" Sirius switched to French now. It felt more comfortable, like they were children again. "Would you like to tell me about what ha-"

"I'd rather not talk about that right now." Reg fidgeted nervously at the frayed cuffs of his sweater.

"Yeah, yeah. Sure." Sirius thought, his brother looked like he'd rather just go to bed and never talk again but he really had to ask before taking him to Gryffindor.

"Did you mean it? You really support me?"

"What do you mean?" Reg just glanced up from intensely memorising the pattern of the carpet.

"I suppose you followed twitter" At his dry tone, an eyebrow of Reg moved upwards.

"Yes, I did... But who you spend your free-time with and what you choose to do with them is indifferent to your hockey play."

"Warm words as always, loving brother." Now, the second eyebrow followed.

"Okay well, fuck you! You left me there, with our parents expecting me to outdo your every move! I know they are horrible, but you went and got better without me. You promised, to always be my brother, to be there for me. And then, you weren't. You abandoned me! Do you know how much I envied you for having friends, a team that supports you and genuinely likes you as a person, not just your play?

"Reg..." Sirius tried to reach out to his brother, but Reg backed away.

"S-Sorry, that's not what I came here for. I wanted to tell you..." but the sentence just trailed off into tense silence.

"What is it?"

"I..."

"Come on, spit it out"

"I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry about the situation."

"For what? Me being gay?" baffled, Sirius could only stare at his brother.

"No... for getting you into that situation... I did not want to hurt you or Remus"

"Well- Wait what?" Something awful was dawning in Sirius mind.

"I overheard your call on thanksgiving, you weren't exactly quiet... and please believe me I did not want this to happen... I-" Sirius felt suddenly cold all over.

"What. Did. You. _Do_?" his voice was barely above a whisper.

"It was at the Snake's Christmas... I- I was so lonely because of that Interview I was basically grounded and under constant observation... and I thought you hated me after that and... and I didn't want to - it just kinda slipped. I thought they all were too drunk to notice but-"

"Regulus." Crashing headfirst into the boards was pleasant compared to what Sirius felt right now. "Really I'm so-" Reg stammered, voice thick and eyes fixed on his shoes.

And next Sirius' fist crashed into his brother's face, sending him to the floor.

Sirius took a few ragged breaths, ready to succumb into a fit of rage but looking into his brother's face, almost a mirror of his own, eyes wide and blood tickling from his nose, not even trying to defend himself, he realised that this was not Regs fault… Sirius knew how their parents could get, knew the Snakes, knew that feeling of loneliness from when he was that young. His brother did not want to harm him but most importantly, it was not Regs fault how the public reacted and that he run away from Remus at the airport… Long ago, he promised himself to never hurt his baby brother, to protect him…. Sirius eyes welled up as he yanked him off the floor and pressed him to his chest. _I'm sorry. Je suis désolé, je suis désolé... I'm sorry... I left you there, all alone... I'm sorry..._

Regulus looked up into his face, tears streaking his face, too while both realised that although there is so much work to do between them after hall they lived through and did to each other, that they still have each other.

"Do you love him?" The brothers were sitting opposite each other on Sirius' bed, legs stretched out between them, both a cup of tea in their hands, Reg still pressing a tissue to his nose. Sirius was telling Reg about the general situation in Gryffindor.

"Yes", Sirius didn't even hesitate for a heartbeat.

"Have you actually put in the effort to tell him?" He leaned back against the headboard, crossing his legs.

"Reg, stop smart-assing."

"I see." Reg smirked a bit, " Then Maybe, you know, mention it sometime. Or is he psychic?"

"You are a git."

"I love you."

"I love you too" Sirius snorted. " but I am still mad at you."

"As you have every right to be."

"Reg, ...why did you not speak to me first?"

"You mean because talking about feelings was exactly the sole centre of our upbringing?"

"You are not helping your cause."

"Je le sais. Je suis désolé mon frère... je suis sérieux." _I know. I'm sorry... I really am._

After a few beats of a little more comfortable silence, a sudden reminder pinged through Reg's thoughts.

"Oh. I almost forgot. Can I take your phone to send a text? Mine is still spied at." He piped up rather automatically, then saw his brother's eyes narrow.

"Who would you want to text?"

"Erm..." Reg felt his cheeks heat, no idea how to explain this fever-dream-situation but the raised eyebrow with the expectant look on Sirius' face made him spill _something_. Reg thought it was a rather messily told story, but his brother seemed to follow.

"So, you had a meltdown after the tweed outing me and ...the guy that, cleans the stadium put you back together, had you checked by his EMP boyfriend and then took you home with the boyfriend to ...feed you soup and hug you good-night after telling you their life-stories?

"Yes."

"And then you came back to them two days later and told them about our family and they just offered you to live with them and -and announced themselves your mom and co-mom, while you refer to them as the Hobbits because they are short and friendy?"

"Yes."

"You are aware of just how absurd that sounds?"

"Mhm." Reg was gnawing at his bottom lip. He had not mentioned Jo so far. This was odd enough already.

"Just checking... Well, then go on." Sirius threw his phone across the bed, thinking of how lucky Reg got with these people but also looking for a catch.

 _This is Sirius' phone. I survived and will accompany him to Gryffindor tomorrow. Hugs, Reg._ he quickly typed the message and sent it on its way.

When he woke up the next morning, around five, he found himself curled up on his side, head at the foot of the bed. Lifting said head, he caught a sight of his brother, mirroring his position so that their calves were at the back of the other.

"Just as we used to." He mumbled before carefully getting up and heading for the bathroom, getting ready for his flight.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I present, Reg alone at home :P

If the last night in the hotel was weird and strained, Reg had no words to describe the flight. He did not say a word more than absolutely necessary and kept his eyes on the ground while Tremblay eyed him distrustfully and Sirius somewhat awkwardly tried to lighten the mood a little. He failed. Miserably so.

At Gryffindor airport, Tremblay rushed off, announcing to meet "his boys" rather cryptically.

 _N’importe quoi…_ Reg had his own pile of shit to deal with right now.

Sirius had ordered them a car-service for the drive home instead of a cab. The service already brought some takeaway-lunch with them, so they didn't have to stop somewhere to be stared at.

When they arrived in front of what must be Sirius house, Reg could only gape. He knew about NHL salaries and he had seen quite impressive buildings before, _lived_ in them but this massive, plain and modern house was something else. It lacked the aristocratic pomposity of Malfoy Manor and their parents house while still boasting with wealth.

After a second of recomposing himself under the asking glance of Sirius, he followed him into the house to gape some more. His first thought was that there was _absolutely no way_ his brother furnished the house himself. But before he could ingest the entrance area in detail, he was ushered into the kitchen to eat at the barstools on the counter.

After some uncomfortable small talk and even more uncomfortable silence, Reg noticed Sirius giving up poking at his Thai-food and watching Reg from the corners of his eyes instead.

"Bring it on." He just said plainly, already knowing that he would not like it.

"You think, you are ready to tell me a bit about that interview of yours?" _Oh. That was... unexpected._ So unexpected indeed, that Reg choked on a piece of chicken and needed several minutes of coughing and wheezing until his breathing resembled a somewhat even pattern again.

"Erm... What would you want to hear?" Regs eyes were still tearing from his near-death experience.

"Why would be a good start." Sirius rubbed his neck in a nervous manner _. Just like I do._ "It seems you don't hate me as much as you said back then and as happy as I am about that, I would like to understand what happened."

" _Ouais, enfin..._ the “why” might be a bit of a longer story _."_ He had to put a lot of effort in to _not_ rub his neck, sometimes quite sick of their similarities.

"You know, it hit me really hard. Listening to what you had to say. I didn't want to believe you meant it but at Thanksgiving you avoided me at all costs. Sirius sighed "I thought I had lost you to them."

"I thought, I had lost you years ago." Apparently, it was Regs turn to sigh. " After your draft, Papa and Maman made very sure I knew what happened to Papas back, and that you just left us -left me- for your team. Your calls, your visits it all got less and less and at some point, I was quite sure that you abandoned me."

"I would never abandon you." Sirius voice was quiet but determined.

"But you did. For six years." It sounded much more accusing that Reg wanted and the hurt look on Sirius’ face felt like a punch.

"I couldn’t be any kind of help to you if I stayed there; I already told you. You did not seem directly unhappy and I thought you were doing OK."

"I didn't know, either. I just accepted this as my life for a while: Buried in training and expectations to outperform you as quick as possible. Always guarded, cautious, always aware of being monitored." The last word came out choked and Reg was glad his brother didn't pressure him into talking, giving him time to reassemble himself a bit.

_Once,_ _there was a time when I would not cry every day..._ Reg gave himself his internal eyeroll. He did not like being so openly vulnerable.

"Well it was a lot... I didn't know it then but now I know that this is not normal. Our parents were so incredibly disappointed that I couldn't keep the puck from you at-"

"What?! You did _brilliantly_! Not many people can even keep the puck away from me that long and that was like your third NHL game!" Now Sirius almost yelled, eyes wide.

"I know. I knew it then. You have six years more experience but seeing them like this hurt despite all the sanity and reason I tried to keep alive."

"I know what you mean..." It was almost a whisper.

"But the team, they seemed to be proud of me. For the wrong reasons as I found out later but anyway... In that moment I seemed to at least had sufficed in _someone's_ expectations in I don't even know how long."

Sirius opened his mouth, but Reg needed to get it all out before he lost his momentum.

"I let myself be blinded by that false insecurity. And they told me exactly what to say to throw you off-kilter -that's a method of them, you know... terrorising strong players to distract them. And I didn't want to recite it to the reporter -hockey is hockey and this had nothing to do with the game anymore - but Riddle kept glaring daggers at me and I just- just wanted to be part of _something_...and succumbed into the numb obedience-mode I always hid in...”

Reg was pulled into his brother's arms and felt like crying all over again but not like the violent meltdowns he had with his Hobbits. He did not lose his control right now. Not entirely at least. He just let go a bit, allowed himself to show and _feel_ some feelings. And now, that the floodgates opened, he poured out how he wanted to talk to him the night he heard the phone-call with Remus, his time at Malfoy Manor, all the hidden books he enjoyed, the grounding and permanent supervision, Christmas torture-

"How can you hate Holiday-season? It's easily the best time of the year after play-offs!" His brother pushed Reg at arms-length away and stared incredulously.

"Yeah, all the delightfully overcrowded streets and shops, everything is either sticky or glittery or _both_ , the inescapable cheesy music and oh wonderful sugary concoctions these people still dare to call coffee. Marvellous!" Reg snaked but tried to hide a laugh at the same time so neither of it worked out.

"Oh Reg!" Sirius barked out in a laugh "You really are born as grumpy old man!"

"Well thanks a lot, that’s the desired attitude." Reg chipped across the counter, leaning back nonchalantly.

“Good luck finding someone to put up with that.”

Reg felt himself blushing and scolded his body for repeatedly throwing him under the bus.

"Ohhh... I sense, there is someone who can put up with this?"

"Leave it, Sirius." He replied curtly.

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

_Oh lord._

After several minutes of that game Reg was about to give in as Sirius beat him to it.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. This is not our childhood home. No interrogation. I won’t pressure you into spilling all your secrets to me." The soft look in Sirius’ eyes, little half-smile on his lips and the reassuring hand on Reg’s shoulder felt comfortable, _safe_. Reg sighed. Why not trust his brother with that, too.

"Her name is Jo. She's the sister of Ben -the guy who cleans the stadium and declared himself my mom. She is wonderful. No bullshit-mentality, great sense of humour and so straight forward you think she's having you on."

"But?"

"But I have no idea how even my next week looks and my life is too much off a mess right now. I need to get myself fixed a little more before."

Sirius snorted a small laughter though his nose. "I understand. But maybe don't wait for too long. In the six years that I'm ahead of you, I learned that adulthood is, in fact, running around like a headless chicken and pretending to know what you're doing for long enough to fool all the other headless chickens and yourself. It will always be a mess."

Reg couldn’t keep his laughter down. "I never thought of you as anything else than a headless chicken flailing around."

"Fuck you, baby brother!" Sirius laughed too. It felt like an odd flashback into a live that didn't seem to have ever existed.

After finally cleaning their plates, or more like shoving them into the dishwasher, Sirius seemed a bit fidgety.

"What is it?" Reg asked absentmindedly while staring down the dishwasher. _Tell me your secret. Which Button do I use to start the washing?_

"I'm going to drive over to Remus in a few moments." Sirius leant over Reg, pressing two buttons and putting a small tab into a little compartment inside the door of the device. It started washing.

"Nervous? I’m sure it’s gonna be alright."

"Yeah... but that's not it." The fidgeting veered into hilarious dimensions.

Reg raised his brow, urging him on.

"I don't want to leave you alone here."

"Please leave me alone here. I could do with some peace and quiet."

"Are you sure?" Sirius had stopped his wild floundering, looking concerned.

"There is a phone in here, isn't it? So, I can call if I manage to set the house on fire."

Sirius looked still hesitant.

"Go! Get things alright with Remus! I want to snoop around here and watch TV in my underwear." Reg turned on his heel, on a quest to find cups and tea.

"Okay. Minerva wanted to speak to you this afternoon. Her number is saved in the phone, you can just pick up."

"Are you still here?" Reg yelled from the cupboard he had his head in right now, hearing a muffled laughing.

"Alright. I – I might not come back until tomorrow.”

"Good, GO!"

After the door closed behind Sirius, Reg took a deep breath, put a cup to the counter and searched for some tea, in vain. He sighed, threw his head back dramatically and went for tap-water instead. Then, he got to his bag and put his insulin in the fridge, finding half a chocolate cake in there which drew a yearning sound out of him. He quickly checked his blood-sugar on his insulin pump, clearly advising to forget the cake altogether. _Fucking Diabetes... but I kind of need my feet more than that cake... how unreasonable that feels now._

About five and a half years ago, he was diagnosed with Diabetes Type 1. Coincidently, the weight loss and tiredness began with the massive step-up in training after Sirius’ draft and it took a while to realise that it was something else. While several doctors deemed this the end of his career, his parents did not relent until a special sports program for diabetics was uncovered, teaching him to distinguish exhaustion and low blood-sugar during extreme physical strain and keeping a strict beneficial diet. And, honestly, it did not really bother his performance. The team medics knew about his disease and could react should something unexpected happen and he just shoved some nutrition gel into his mouth every time he was on the bench to avoid hypoglycaemia. Also, his new insulin-pump hadn’t even a tube that could snag or other inconveniences; It was just a bump taped to his abdomen.

The thing really bothering him was his ridiculously healthy low-carb diet. Privately, he would like to eat much more junk but that was not an option if he wanted to stay healthy and in shape. After another longing stare at the fridge, he located the -luckily- wireless landline and shoved it into his pocket to not miss Minerva’s call while exploring the house.

He got as far as the living room when the phone rang.

And, indeed _Minnie_ flashed up on the little phone screen. He felt a sudden hit of nerves and picked up with dread.

“Hello?”

“Sirius?” Her stern voice asked curtly.

“The other one.”

“Regulus, very good then. I suppose your brother already informed you that he wishes me to take you under my wing.”

“Erm…” _What?_

“Oh, well… then you know it now.” Without waiting a beat, Minerva told him how she tried to figure out what to do next.

_And again…_ _I have no word in my live._

He could return to the Snakes, to Malfoy Manor and his parents, probably more monitored and suppressed than ever. Breaking with the Snakes might be very healthy for him, she said, but mid-season trades were near impossible and breach of contract but would definitely harm his career and chances to trade away next season. After that was said, she seemed to wait expectantly for a decision but Reg’s brain was completely blank. A minute ago, he was complaining to not be bothered with choices about his own life and now that this, frankly huge, decision was his, he felt completely at loss.

“Regulus, I need a decision here and I do not have all day.”

“Erm.” Was all he could manage. Reg didn’t know, never thought that he even had an alternative to hockey and was completely overwhelmed with all the sudden possibilities. What did he want? He knew exactly what his parents wanted, guessed what Sirius wanted… but he?

“You seem to struggle a bit with making up your mind.” Minerva’s voice was less stern now, warm and comforting. “No one can take the choice from you and no one should. It is your live and you should live it as you please. As this is a rather big consideration, I might want to advise you to see a doctor and ask for a sick-leave while sorting through it all.”

Reg gulped, his throat felt dry. “Y- Yeah. That would be good, I think. Thank you.”

“Anytime. I count on regular updates. Until then.” Her voice was back to stern as the hung up.

_How does one adult_? If his brother was right and everything was just pretending to know what’s going on while aimlessly flailing around, he could as well give up. His brain, completely blank only seconds ago, was brimming with emotions and ideas. He could do everything what he wanted and no one would tell him otherwise. While the thought itself was absolutely and utterly terrifying, being in charge of his own life for the first time sent jolt of excitement through his belly. He had no idea how to proceed from there and began to laugh wildly, border-lining hysterical, at the absurdity of it all. He was eighteen years old, never had the chance to as much as pick his own clothes and his very first very own decision would be completely life-changing. It only got worse when he realised that this was the first time he was ever alone in a house.

Full of frantic energy he allowed himself a few cartwheels around the living room, flopped down on the soft carpet and tried to calm down again. The energy and excitement wore off as fast as they emerged and Reg felt incredibly restless… and tired.

_Oh god._

Reg wanted to call Ben, tell him about the situation and ask for a bit of comfort and advice. He was sitting up when he realised that this was not what he should be doing. This was _his_ choice and while completely at loss, he wanted to develop an own feeling for it before asking others. So, instead he sent a quick text (from the surplus mobile phone his Sirius procured from a random drawer) informing his moms that he arrived in one piece and that things were okay but overwhelming and that he would call as soon as he settled down a bit. Reg laid back on the carpet, feeling woozy. He closed his eyes and woke up to the landline ringing besides his head in the, now completely dark, living room.

He picked up groggily and disoriented and just barely caught on Sirius telling him, that he would be back for lunch the next day and that Remus would be with him. A few moments later the news made it through the fog of barely-awake brain and Reg panicked a bit… if Sirius had told him. No _if_ , he surely had told him. That dude might just finish him off…

Before he could get caught up with all the new information flooding his brain, Reg went to distract himself by snooping around, just as he told Sirius he would. 

During his extensive search of every nook in the house, a few things asked for his attention. Firstly, the thrill of being completely alone came back and leaving a feeling of adventure, as infantile as it might sound. Then, certain details of the house came into focus. His first impression of the entrance hall applied to all rooms on the ground floor. No way that Sirius had furniture any of it. Most likely, there was an interior designer copying a recent style-magazine and his brother never cared to leave evidence that someone lived here. Reg found himself automatically comparing this to the hobbit-hole. It was smaller, rickety, crowded, mismatched and sported a large amount of odd stuff. Sirius’ house was none of these and Reg felt the description fitting. It was empty.

He found the staircase leading to the basement and decided to venture there before heading upstairs. This place was too fucking big for just one person. The basement, Reg found, was in fact scarily similar to their parents'. There was a fitness room, with shower and all and... a rink. A fucking rink.

* * *

"Faster Regulus."

"Papa, I'm so tired!"

"Stop complaining. You mustn't be weak to beat Sirius."

Memories of a different, yet so similar basement-rink flooded his mind. Exhaustion, fatigue, pain, shame. Reg turned on the spot and stormed up the stairs. He would not go there. Neither physically nor mentally.

* * *

For a while Reg followed through with his second promise to his brother and watched TV in his media room. In nothing but boxers.

After to episodes of the Muppet Show, Jurassic Park and ...something rather weird with a hand and a ...a satanic cult leader dressed up as Freddie Mercury? Reg gave up on media for the night. As he had not found a bedroom so far, he assumed them upstairs. Sirius had told him he could just pick whichever one he wanted. With a newly found enthusiasm he climbed the stairs, ready to explore that last storey. On top, the narrow hallway divided into two and he picked the right one first.

And Reg had to admit, he was bored as hell. Three bedrooms; One as dull as the other. Empty. Plain canvas. Listlessly, he shuffled to the first room on the other side of the hallway and threw the door open. This was Sirius' room, Reg was certain. Not because there were some personal items in here but because this room was much bigger and with the biggest bed he had ever seen.

After biting his cheek in deep consideration, Reg shrugged and flung himself onto the mattress with so much momentum, he almost bounced off again.

 _Okay this is great._ Since his growth spurt at fifteen he wasn't able to lay on a bed like a starfish without touching the corners.

After a few moments of stretched-out peace Reg remembered Remus and guessed that he and his brother fucked in this very bed, maybe even these very sheets. He felt a bit sick at the thought of his brother as a sexual being but even more like he was imposing himself in this private place. He got up to check the last room and almost missed the photographs on the dresser. He didn't want to invade any more privacy of Sirius, but he also said he would go snooping and Sirius hadn't objected. So, he leaned over the dresser and took the sight in. There were a lot of pictures of the Lions, mostly Potter and Dumais but also all the others. If Sirius was on the picture, he was always laughing, looking happy to be there. Then, there was a stack of photographs of Remus. Remus leaning against a doorframe, head thrown back in laughter, Remus smiling groggily into the camera, one eye pressed shut, hair a mess. And there were several more of these. A couple of selfies of them together but all were shot indoors. Behind closed doors. Reg felt bad for them, hiding their happiness because someone might take love as personal affront. But now, that they were out, maybe it would change. Maybe photographs in the park, at the rink or on vacation might complement the collection.

While putting the pictures back he saw it. Reg was seven there, Sirius almost thirteen. The picture was taken the day Sirius came back from his first summer training-camp and Reg was happy to have him back, proud to present his new tooth gap.

_I've never lost him. Here I am, displayed among the people that make him happy._

Regulus chose the last bedroom for himself. Directly beside his bothers'. The windows faced east, providing Reg with morning sun while the other tree rooms faced west. Apart from that, it looked almost identical to the others. Reg chose this one because of the windows, not because he wanted to be close to his brother. He kept telling himself that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for staying tuned <3


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reggie settling down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello fellow people. Iwnated to thank all of you for reading, leaving kudos, comments and supporting me! It means so much to me and often makes my day!
> 
> Warnings:  
> Please stay save and be careful if you are triggered by diabetes, sexual content or depression.  
> If I forgot an important waring, please let me know.

The next day began with Reg taking a shower and picking up his shirt from yesterday. It smelled. Badly. He officially run out of clean clothing. Naturally, he raided Sirius closet.

Clad in sweatpants and a shirt, Reg gathered all his items of clothing (eight?) and went on a quest to find the washing machine. He did not succeed within the first five minutes, dumped his clothes in the middle of the living room and went to have breakfast instead.

Well, that was the intention, at least. There was no tea and mostly starchy foods, he should keep to a minimum. Yesterday he had ordered himself another round of takeout, very balanced and disturbingly healthy for take-out but he did not want to order breakfast. With a big sigh he checked his insulin-levels, picked up the last banana and shoved it down while looking for his wallet and some car keys. Sirius had more cars than useful, so Reg just picked one with a full tank and let himself be navigated to the closest Walmart.

At the checkout, solidified annoyment awaited him.

"Sorry Sir, but your card has been declined. It seems the account is frozen." Luckily, he had enough cash with him to pay but he was beyond annoyed, straightway angry that his parents dared to freeze _his_ money. The money he earned from _his_ NHL career.

He was fuming on his drive back, fuming as he munched his boring low-carb granola with yoghurt, fuming when he finally found the washing machine, fuming when he shoved all his clothes in there and only calmed down as his brain got distracted by the fact, that he had no idea about that thing. He watched Mrs. Kreacher doing the laundry often enough when he was younger to know that some sort of detergent was needed and that one had to divide the clothing in cryptical categories.

Naturally, he did the only appropriate thing: Plopping down on the floor across the washing machine with crossed legs, googling the machine type on his phone and began reading the manual.

He was just figuring out the difference between fabric softener and actual detergent when a voice carried over.

"Reg? Where the hell-?" Sirius all but yelled. _What is that idiot even annoyed about?_

"Shhh! Maybe he's still sleeping." A concerned, much quieter voice cut him off. _Remus_

"No way, that git rises early enough to wake up the damn sun. REG!" This time he really yelled.

“Is there a particular reason to scream the house down?” Reg asked in an exasperated huff. He seemed to come from an unexpected direction, making both men jump.

“God Reg, what were you doing in there?”

“Laundry.” Reg was very aware of Remus Lupin standing there but too afraid to look at him.

“You _know_ how to do _laundry_? And is that my shirt?”

“Well, technically I’m in the process of figuring out how to laundry because I have no clean things left, which is why this is, indeed, your shirt. And pants. And socks. And underwear.”

“Ah.” Sirius brows, that had become quite agitated at the mere mention of laundry were calming down again.

“Yep.”

For the first time, Reg dared to look at Remus, but his face gave away nothing. Unsure of what to make of it, he turned into polite guest-mode and held his hand out in greeting just to be met with an odd look from both of them. Instead, he used the hand to rub at his neck, feeling heat travelling up said neck.

“Hi?” He tried. Remus seemed not impressed. _Oh shit. I wonder where they will hide my body._

“We brought stuff to cook.” Sirius chimed in, unconvincingly unbothered. _God,_ _just leave it be._ _Wasn’t the plane enough to learn that you are incapable of easing strained situations?_

Reg wanted to be swallowed by a sudden sinkhole, cringing with second- and first-hand embarrassment. Alas, the floor did not relent. He was still very much here.

“Let’s go and cook food from the stuff we brought?” Sirius tried again. This time the second-hand embarrassment won out and he gave in.

“Ok, I guess?” Reg mumbled while Remus just nodded once and made his way over to the kitchen.

“You know how to make BLTs?” Remus did not turn to look at Reg while placing a few ingredients on the counter with a bit more force than necessary.

“No. Sorry, I- I don’t know what this is.”

“Ah. Well then wash this stuff, please.” Reg was handed a bag of tomatoes and a salad. While Remus put a pan on the stove and Sirius started toasting bread. _So basically, we're having sandwiches. Why not just call it like that?_ After considering his breakfast, Reg concluded that normal wheat-toast would be fine and continued to search for a bowl to wash the vegetables in.

It was awkward in the kitchen but Remus openly staring at him while he ate was madly unsettling.

“What-“

“ _Why_ are you eating sandwiches with cutlery?” Remus blurted out just as Reg wanted to ask what was so interesting about him eating. The cold façade gone, eyes glinting with barely concealed amusement.

“We were made to eat everything with cutlery at home. Use your hands Reg, you look ludicrous.” Sirius supplied around a mouthful of food in a way that would have made their grandmother faint. _Or beat him with a stick. Yeah, that._

Eyeing his brother suspiciously, Reg set down the cutlery and grabbed the bread with both hands.

After finishing the BLT (bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich, apparently) in somewhat endurable dread of what to come, it came.

“Sirius told me about your role in the whole twitter fiasco.” Remus stated matter-of-factly. Reg took a deep breath as he felt Sirius tensing across him.

“I expected as much.”

“Do you have anything to say to that matter?” against all assumption, Remus seemed neither furious nor loathing. Just… hurt?

He apologised to his brother so many times already that it felt almost normal but meeting Remus for the first time and acknowledging that he hurt him, too was somewhat entirely different. The words got stuck in his throat he felt his breathing hitch with sudden fear. What if Remus was just gathering his anger to let it all rain down on Reg with more force, just like their mother used to do?

Some of it seemed to show on his face because the face of the other man got considerably softer.

“Regulus, I want to be honest. I’m quite mad at the situation and your role in it. But it does not mean that I hate you or that my spite will follow you eternally. I’ve seen glimpses of your upbringing and I have a rough idea about what happened, but I want to talk with you about that.” Reg was still waiting for the blow, Remus words barely sinking in.

“There is no delayed explosion awaiting you.” It was as if Sirius could read his mind. _Maybe, he just needed to remember._

Letting out a shaky breath, Reg nodded. “Okay.”

It was a horrible talk. At some point everyone had cried at least twice, and everything felt raw but after they were through with it, Reg felt much lighter than in weeks or month or probably years. Both of them did not hate him. They were not happy either, but they would not hold lasting grudges against him. It would take time, but things would be going to be okay. After everyone felt a bit more grounded, Sirius suggested to eat some of that cake in the fridge. Reg was sure it was a bad idea to eat cake but checked his blood sugar anyway.

“No.” he sighed.

“What did you just do with that phone?” Sirius shot him an odd look.

“That was my PDM for the pump?” Reg gave the look right back, watching his brother’s brows furrow in confusion.

“...The reading device for my insulin-pump?” Now it was Reg’s turn to be confused.

“What?”

“For my diabetes?” Like, really confused.

“WHAT?”

“Erm… You didn’t know?” _How did he not know?_

“NO!” Sirius eyes were growing larger by the second. _A bit more and they might pop out._

“Oh… well… I have Diabetes.” Reg stood up, lifting his (Sirius') shirt a bit to show the little white box taped to his abdomen.

“Crisse! Is everything OK? Do you need something or- or- go to the hospital?” Sirius went full panic-mode while Remus just watched the proceedings with interest.

“No? Sirius I’ve been diagnosed with 12. I’m not about to drop dead any second now.” Reg couldn’t keep his laugh and swore to have heard Remus snicker while wandering towards the fridge.

“THIS LONG?” _Aaaaand pop._ But Sirius eyes stayed firmly in place. Relieving, yet disappointing.

“Yeah?”

“But-“

“Sirius… I am, in fact, an NHL player. If it would be an issue, the organisation wouldn’t let me play. Calmes le pompon. Its _fine_.” Reg started to get a bit tired with the discussion. Remus came back with a piece of cake and resumed following the interaction.

“What- what do I do if something happens? If that thing breaks or-... or something.” Sirius, on the other hand, was not tired of the topic, at all.

“You don’t have to do anything. I can manage. When the pump has a defect, I switch to injections and get it repaired.” But his brother, ever the panicky mother-hen he firmly denied being, kept looking concerned.

“You want me to write a manual?” Reg sighed.

“Yes.”

“That was a joke.” He deadpanned.

“Do it.”

“…now?”

“Yes.” After a resigned groan and an overly exaggerated eyeroll, Reg shuffled away to get a pen and some paper.

In the background he heard Remus trying to convince Sirius that his baby-brother would, in fact, just be fine. Reg re-entered the kitchen and pinned a sheet of paper to the fridge with a flourish, sat down and continued sipping at his tea. Poker face in place. Immediately, the others leaned over to read the short note. Remus took two seconds to burst into laughter while Sirius seemed less amused.

**A guide to handle diabetic Regulus A. Black**

If found dead on the floor, dispose of body whenever convenient.

If not dead yet, call ambulance.

“Oh my god this is gold!” Remus wheezed, doubled over.

Reg just smirked at his brother’s venomous glares. He was sure now; They all would get along just fine.

The topic shifted from general stuff about diabetes to dietary specifics, to Reg agreeing to just buy his special food himself and from there quite fast to the frozen account. Sirius exploded.

* * *

Later this day, his account was still frozen, his mother picked up only to tell him that he is to return immediately. Also, he received an alarming call from Minerva, informing him that he needs to get that sick leave because he has not been there for the last two days of practice and is expected to play in a game in three days.

_My life is hell. Shall we just drop the facade of earth? Make everything fire-y and hot?_

Luckily, Sirius seemed to have acquired the power of keeping his cool as he got Reg an appointment with Dr. Pomfrey, former teacher and mentor of his team-psychologist, for the next afternoon.

"I'm off to tell all my traumatising secrets to a shrink, see you then!" He called into the house before taking the keys to a random one of Sirius' cars and heading out, not knowing if anyone, including himself, actually got fooled by his jesting. He tried to not be scared. Really, but when he stood in front of her practice, he felt like knocking on Sirius' door at All Star all over again. Terrified by the things that are to come but knowing there was no way around it.

After the appointed hour, Reg spent another thirty minutes recomposing himself in the restroom. This woman was intense. Hell, everything that just happened was intense. It was different to just pouring out his guts to Mateo or the others. They just let him tell what he wanted but Dr. Pomfrey would not allow him to avoid uncomfortable or hurtful topics. She wasn't as stern as Minerva but strict as she kept asking precisely the questions that were needed to coax everything out of Reg. Dr. Pomfrey made very clear that she wanted Reg to be on sick leave for the whole season to come down. But for her to officially do that, he needed to show up the day after tomorrow again and then for a third time. So, he's on conditional sick leave until then. But Reg wasn't at all sure what to do with that.

When he arrived at Sirius' house, he all but threw the keys on the counter, nicked thermal clothing and running shoes from his brother and stomped back out. Luckily, no one was at home to fall victim to his sudden anger. He wasn't even sure why he was so angry, but he had enough of questioning his every word and every thought for the day.

Without aiming at a particular direction, he just started his run to calm down and sort his thoughts.

 _Sick leave!_ He didn't feel sick. He had no injury, no flu, nothing. To be allowed sick leave for being confused and upset was a totally new concept for him. His parents, as well as Karkaroff and the Death Eaters, had made it very clear that the only reason you were allowed to stay away from practice was if you literally couldn't stand and that, Reg could just fine. He could even skate and do cartwheels and run, apparently. The existence of mental health care was something he only knew in theory. It would take him a while, Dr. Pomfrey had emphasised, to accept having metal health issues from his abusive upbringing, let alone getting to terms with it; That taking his time working through it was very important and healthy.

But it did not feel important at all. I felt annoying, even irritating, like wasting time. He did not want to risk his career by not playing half of his rookie year. It was all he's got going for him, after all. But that, according the shrink, was the point. That he was brought up thinking that hockey was the only thing that mattered, that defined his worth as person. And that it was clear he craved something else. Otherwise, he wouldn't have felt so bad during his time with the Snakes, wouldn't have had his meltdown, not flung himself into Ben's arms, not mended fences with Sirius. So probably, his very first step was to acknowledge having other needs than a successful hockey career and that they were, indeed, valid.

_Alors, how does one even do that?_

Sure, he knew he wanted contact to people he liked and cared for and a hobby and reasons to laugh and cake (and not just if everyone was too distracted to notice, like on the Snake's Christmas party), but he never actively thought about whether he deemed himself deserving of this. The longer he mulled that over, the clearer it became to him that _no,_ he did not expect himself to have all that, but it was never a really solid thought, more like a subconscious default setting.

 _Why are things I think through during a run always so complicated?_ He stopped at a low garden wall to stretch his legs and when he got up again to head back to his brother's house, he realised that he had no idea where he was, that he left the keys in the counter next to his phone and that it was getting dark _. It's never just one thing, is it? Merde._

Dropping his head back and groaning, he tried to retrace his path back into known territories but in the dusk, every damn street looked the same. When he finally made it back, it had been dark for quite a while. Immediately, the door was yanked open and he was forcefully pulled into Sirius' arms.

"Reggie, osti de câlisse de ciboire de tabarnak! How are you? What happened? Are you alright? Where have you been?" From where his face was shoved into his brother's shoulder, he could see Remus poking his head out of the kitchen. Then he was pulled out of the hug and held at arms-length away from Sirius.

"I- erm I was out running and got lost...Je suis desolé." Reg answered with a small voice. The fear in the eyes of his brother made him uneasy. He had expected to be told-off but not that. Not him being afraid instead of annoyed.

"God, without phone, without keys? I thought you had run off after your appointment or were lying dead in a ditch!" Reg rubbed his neck, avoiding everyone's gaze.

"But you are alright, yeah?" Sirius asked with a much softer voice and a small smile.

"Mhm."

"Good. Come on, let's have dinner."

* * *

Over dinner, Reg told Sirius that he was told to stay on sick leave for the remaining season. He didn't know how to ask if he could stay here, not even knowing if his brother would welcome him for that long. He had a boyfriend, after all and would probably prefer having alone-time with him over a somewhat-unemployed brother lurking around in his home. So, he mentioned that, when his account was accessible again, he could look out for a place for himself. Maybe go back to Slytherin and stay with Ben and Mateo. Sirius just stared at him; Expression shut.

"You wish to go back, then?" He asked almost nonchalantly. _Almost._

"'Suppose so." Reg counted the rice grains on his plate.

"Are you sure?" _...35, 36, 37..._

"Mh." _...46, 47, 48, 49..._

"Reggie, tu niaises avec la puck."

 _...52, 53, 53, 54-_ a hand landed on his shoulder, making Reg snap out of his mental shutdown.

"Quoi?"

"Regulus, I won't stop you going back if you want, but only if you _really_ want that."

"What else could I do?" Reg muttered under his breath, not looking at his brother.

"What? Stay!"

"You surely want to be alone with Remus..." In the corner of his eyes, he saw the dirty-blonde shaking his head violently. During such conversations, Remus usually stayed quiet, not interfering and Reg was glad he was so considerate.

"I just got you back! Reggie, you can stay as long as you want. Forever, if that makes you happy. I would be thrilled to have you here."

"Really?" _And here we go again, open the floodgates._

"Yes."

"I don't need your pity." He sniffed.

"That's good because I don't pity you, dumbass. So just stay in that room. It's yours now. Ca vient de s'éteindre." Sirius wiped his eyes inconspicuously. No-one could've missed that.

* * *

The next few days, Reg spent his time lying in bed and practically dying of a "common cold", as Remus called his agony. Now and then, he would get up, complain a bit, shower or eat something. What he ate, he wasn't sure because everything tasted the same.

"Well, you spent hours wandering around outside in January while drenched in sweat. Of course, you got a cold." Was everything the PT had to say.

Suffering from coughing, a clogged nose, fever and _everything_ being sore and aching, his sole joy was observing his brother freaking out. He was completely torn between mother-henning the shit out of his baby-brother and staying as far away as possible to stay healthy and fit to play. After two days he compromised on bringing the soup, Pascal Dumais' wife – Celeste – had made for him, wearing gloves, a facemask and safety-goggles. Reg laughed so hard, he succumbed into a violent coughing fit, which spooked Sirius straight out of the room just to return with Remus to ask if he was to be sent to a hospital. That one just hung his head with a snort, patted Sirius' shoulder and went back downstairs.

As he was pressed for time, he had facetime appointments with Dr. Pomfrey during his cold and was now officially on sick leave until October. While ill, he felt legit for not working.

After a few more days of immense misery, Reg was almost back to normal and getting bored again. Fortunately (or unfortunately), Celeste Dumais seemed to have decided that he needed to learn some prober adulting and he was dropped-off at her place before every practice of Sirius.

"Mon fils, you must not end like Sirius or Logan, we pampered them too much for too long and look how helpless they still are. We'll do better with you, non?" _Mon fils?_

On the one hand, he was occupied during the days and actually learned the art of laundry. On the other hand, that house-hold stuff was incredulously laborious _. Once you're done with the lot, you can just start again. This is adulthood? C'est relou._ It's a pain in the ass.

Also, Sirius now expected Reg to maintain the household singlehandedly. While Celeste and Pascal were surprisingly nice to him, he caught the looks Logan threw him whenever he was still around after training, so he made it a point to drive there himself and leave beforehand. _Maybe he's jealous 'cause the kids like me and I do homework with them... or it's still the interview-thing._

While he was getting used to living with his brother, he still missed his Hobbits and made sure to call Ben and Matty regularly and texted with Jo. These were still his favourite times of the day. He had forgiven them for not being sympathetic enough during his nearly lethal illness. Also, he tried to make the room, designated to him, a little cosier than a hotel and Matty was not churlish with recommendations and advice. Hence, he spent some time and Sirius' borrowed money to raid a few thrift-stores and acquired some string-lights, a few succulents (hard-to-kill plants), a reddish ornamental rug, dark blue curtains, mismatched throw-pillows and a ton of books. Much to his pride, the room now resembled a place someone was, indeed, living in.

* * *

Another week later, Reg buried his head under his pillow in an attempt to drown out the sex-noises he was exposed to every night since the second night. It didn't help so he pressed the pillow down harder, briefly considering smothering himself.

 _They could just do that at Remus' place._ Apparently, Sirius was uncomfortable with Reg staying alone for too long and decided to make Reg uncomfortable with him staying, instead.

After a particularly loud moan seeped through the pillow, Reg groaned and gave up. He picked up the phone his brother gave him -2:17am- and ordered himself some high-quality noise-cancelling headphones with express delivery. Then, he got up, padded into the kitchen, began blasting weird Russian techno music at full force through the sound system in the whole house- and went to read a bit in the downstairs bathroom. It had no speakers. Reg had put a password on the sound-system so Sirius wouldn’t be able to turn it off without ripping the integrated speakers out of the walls.

Thirty minutes later, Reg emerged from the basement, turned the music off and enjoyed the peaceful silence until he had to walk past Sirius' room to get to his. The door was thrown open as he walked by and was met with a withering glare sent from two pairs of narrowed eyes. Remus usually kept out of their bickering, but the music seemed to have killed a particularly good mood. Reg glared back while walking into his room, closing the door very quietly, followed by whisperes of "T'es relou!"

After the door shut behind him, he couldn't help the grin spreading on his face. He knew perfectly well that his brother hated it when Reg stayed all calm and closing the door just that carefully would probably double Sirius' irritation. _It’s my right-of-birth and duty to annoy you, dear brother._

Reg was not a complete ass, though. Or, not the only one.

This kind of passive-aggressive war between them quickly became an established routine. After the first night, Reg had, severely embarrassed, yet politely asked if Sirius and Remus could not "do it" with an open door and maybe keep it quiet after midnight.

"Vous faites du train." he had mumbled, hiding behind his tea.

That was when the sex-noise-torment grew much louder at all times of the day. At least, they closed the door.

Two nights later, Reg began with the music-treatment. He kind of enjoyed the squabbles with his brother and Remus, knowing that this was no genuine fighting.

Back in his bed, he found himself still contemplating the last weeks of his life. Everything got turned inside-out and twisted around so much that he didn't recognise his life anymore. _Aaaaand we're back at fever-trip status._

Although Reg had the feeling, his old, sarcastic self was still there, it seemed to hide in some corner for most of the day, or there was just no one he could focus it on. He was bored inside his own brain, which hadn't happened before in his life and started to concern him a little.

* * *

After about two hours of gloriously calm sleep, Reg woke up again at five, so business as usual. He stretched extensively but winced as his leg started to smart. The cut on his leg was healing well but still sensitive. Unfortunately, the butterfly stitches sealing the cut were coming loose and he did not dare jet ripping them off to replace them. Biting his lip, he decided to get them off gently with a lot of water and moved to step into the shower.

Reg felt nervous. Yesterday, he and Sirius sat together for hours to discuss what Sirius would tell the Lions and more importantly, what _not_. Sirius said that his team kept asking him about All Star as Tremblay, apparently, told everyone that Reg was at staying Sirius’ now. Reg found that this was absolutely none of their business, but his brother insisted. The guys on the team were his friends, his family and he wanted to be open and today was the day he would do that. While not diving into their upbringing, Sirius would tell them that Severus, most likely, hired the photographer to snoop around and how he got the hint that there was something to pry on.

While already suspecting that, after the damn Thanksgiving interview and Tremblay's demeanour, he was not in the good graces of the Lions, he was convinced they would outright hate him come afternoon. Even Celeste and Pascal. Although he was now able to manage basic household-chores, he dropped by regularly to practice cooking with Celeste and herd the children when Dumo and Logan were away for games. He would miss them.

Reg desperately wanted to speak to someone who did not hold a grudge against him, was not involved in all this shit but it was six in the morning.

_Jo._

She was an early riser, as he had learned while being woken by her cursing not long ago. Reg really wanted to call her all week, but things were confusing and exhausting and her schedule at Uni was rather tight, so they just texted a lot. He did not dare to really admit it to himself, but he missed her more than Ben and Mateo. That was the unofficial reason he postponed calling her.

The calls with Ben and Mateo were always fun. As much as Sirius and Remus seemed to be less angry with him and growing more accustomed to Reg being there, a basic feeling of wariness was still omnipresent, making him feel rather tolerated than welcomed. Rationally, he knew his brother wanted him around, but the feeling stayed. His Hobbit-moms on the other hand just took him in, acted as he had been part of the family for years and it made him warm and cosy all over. But then, he had to admit that he didn’t derange their lives but the lives of Remus and Sirius, who had all right to be cross with him.

Calling Jo was written on another page. Speaking to the guys made him feel less lonely but he had the vague feeling that speaking with Jo would make him miss her more, feel more alone when the call ended. This was so stupid. He'd known her for three days before All Star, just like the other two but somehow, he felt concerningly close to them.

He called Jo anyway.

"Hey. Wha' up?" She answered quickly with a mouth full of something and music blaring in the background. He shouldn't have bothered with the time; She was clearly having a blast.

"What is this ruckus?" Reg laughed instead of answering.

"Breakfast-party. It's obvious."

"Ah. Ouais, enfin... why should others sleep, anyway."

"One of my flatmates stayed elsewhere over-night, one is no' ba' f'om he' nigh'shif' and 'he o'er one is ha'd of hea'ing." She swallowed the next bite. "No one cares, so I party."

"Legit."

"Hey, wan' 'o have some p'ope' b'eakfas' toge'er an' face'ime?"

"Yeah, hold on." Reg laughed at her determination to eat _and_ speak.

He tapped the request button on his phone and propped it up against a water bottle on the kitchen table. The first thing that came into view was her room. Or mor like, the remnants of her room after a disastrous catastrophe. Impact of a meteorite or similar magnitude. Then a sleep-mussed Jo, wearing a giant dark-red cable-knit cardigan and a grey shirt, came into view as the phone was rearranged.

"Sorry for the bedhead. So, what's up? Still weird with your brother? Success on the money-front?" She seemed to take smaller bites of whatever-it-was in her bowl as her words were way more intelligible now. And her bedhead was incredibly cute. She blushed. Why did she blush? _Oh no, I said it out loud, didn't I? Why do I keep blurting out very private information?_ He felt his ears growing very hot and tried to move on as fast as he could. What did she ask? Money? Oh... that.

"Y- Yeah. Yeah... erm finally. But that was irritating as hell so let's move to less bothersome stuff." It took several angry phone calls with their mother, the bank and finally the intervention of a lawyer to defreeze Reg’s account and shut it from their parents. Having his own money now felt much better than being fully dependent on his brother.

"With Sirius it's actually fine but I don't know anyone else here that is not at least a little angry with me. Well, he is also still angry at me... let's not talk about that, too. What are you having for breakfast?"

"Ice cream, You?" He loved that she just skipped the exasperating topic without further comment.

"Not decided yet. Feels like a scrambled egg day, though." He shrugged.

"Feel you there but can you actually make that?" Her eyebrows rose in mock-challenge as another spoon of food was directed towards her mouth.

"Honestly, I can do that just fi- did you say ice cream?" Reg began to eye her bowl more curiously now.

"Honestly? I think you might burn the house down. Don't try to do that unsupervised, I like you more alive than dead. And yep, ice cream. Told you I'm having a party." Sie grinned widely at him before shoving another spoon into her mouth.

"Oh, fuck you and your sugary dea-." Reg couldn't suppress the yawn fighting through his throat.

"What is this? Not as much of an early riser as you made me believe? Just pretended to impress me?" Jo's quip was on point, but her eyes conveyed another message. So did her red ears. Too bad, Reg did not speak that language.

"Just slept two hours. J'ai cogné des clous. You don't wanna know." He shot the second part right after the first, knowing that she would ask and that he felt his ears and cheeks burning up by the mere _thought_ to talk about such topics. While growing up, this issue was always strictly prohibited. And he was terribly annoyed of himself for still not being able to- to even _think_ of words associated with sex without getting flustered. He even _did_ this once or twice but talking about it?

"I don't speak French and you bet I do!" _Sure._

"Oh, well... I don't like to talk about that." How could he even turn redder? Wasn't his blood needed to keep him alive or something instead of making his mortification visible?

"Okay then, I won't pry but is there something you actually _want_ to talk about?" And Reg believed that she really meant it, not prying, but her eyes betrayed her curiosity and he somehow wanted to tell her while _definitely not_ wanting to tell her.

"It's- It's... Sirius. He and Remus are very loud while... erm you know..." Reg's spluttering was not directly advantageous in the pursuit of feigning to be a totally experienced and cool adult.

"Fucking?" _Calisse, whyyyyyy?_

"Mhm." It was all Reg could get out while decidedly staring at the water bottle the phone was propped against.

"And that bothers you?" Jo seemed rather amused by his anguish, which made it all a bit worse... someone actually confirming that he was pathetic. And Jo of all people... He mumbled something while staring down his tea and Jo could only make out the words _uncomfortable, sleep_ and _icky._

"Oh, dear. I would love to tell you that I can relate but I can't. Ben and I shared a room in New York for seven years. I became accustomed to him fucking in the lower bunk before I even turned twelve."

At that, Reg made a weird choking noise. " _Oh god_."

But Jo just shrugged and chuckled softly. "Oh well, it toughened me up. It's hard work to fluster or freak me out properly and that comes in handy at times. Speaking of which... freak them out back?"

"With what? I don't want to- to do _it_ with some random person on the kitchen counter just to prove a point!" He did not mention that he did not want a random person anywhere, to be honest... perhaps not even a non-random person.

"Please don't. No-one said you need to show them." Something in that answer, Reg couldn't place. But there was definitely _something_.

"True. I'm interested." This time, Jo was gazing around, overly interested in a spot on her shirt.

"Jo? You heard me?"

"Yeah... but wouldn't that be mean of me? Help you embarrassing them..." She looked up, gnawing her bottom lip, brows furrowed; Antagonism clearly written on her face.

"Go on now!"

"But what if-"

"Nooooo, please save meeeee!" Reg did not whine, thank you very much.

"Ok, well... How about giving out sex recommendations? I'm confident Sirius would be mortified to get tips from his younger brother."

"Uh... I- erm...I have none? I've neither... nor was -erm- wi -with a guy." Technically. _Don't blush, don't blush, don't bl-  
_

"But they don't know that?" Jo just singsonged while throwing him an actual _wink_ and sending Reg right back to Tomatoville.

"True....but how do I get... recommendations? They have to be legit or they will see through it." The ceiling in the kitchen had 48 tiles.

"You've been as much as adopted by a gay couple? They fuck all the time on every surface. I already told you." Her snort drew Regs gaze back to the phone.

"Don't." This time, Reg had to admit that he clearly whined as a cold shiver run down his spine. _Ben's like a brother, too._

"You are very shy about sex, are you?" That was not a question. She was calling him out. _Mean..._ but his brain refused to supply a mean- _what_ she actually was. Was his sarcasm in a coma or something? Reg very silently, maybe defiant and pouty, recounted the tiles on the ceiling while moving from tomato gradually towards red beet.

With an overly dramatic sigh, Jo pushed her empty bowl to the side and leaned on her elbows, chin propped on her intertwined fingers. "Well, seen that I made it through all the sexual explorations of Ben while staying impressively sane, (Reg huffed at that statement. _Sane?_ ) I might as well help you out here." Her laugh at his, possibly quite goofy, grin let him feel warm all over, befuddlement forgotten.

"So, you do the following-" The grin on Regs face grew wider at the second, so did his blush. That was a horrible idea. If he could pull it off properly, he might achieve a truce.

* * *

For the first time, Reg was in exclusive charge of dinner and he was determined to make something actually edible. Chili, it would be. Fairly simple and if he refrained from eating too much rice, compatible with his dietary stuff. Preparing the dish was quite easy. Cut onions and garlic, fry, add bell pepper, chili and minced meat, fry more, put canned tomatoes, corn, beans and lentils in, wait. Add spices and prepare rice. Done. In the end, it worked out alright. The rice was a little overcooked and it turned out that he misjudged the amount of chili, so it would probably last for days.

_Doesn't taste bad, no loss._

Over dinner, Sirius and Remus reported back what Sirius had told the team and how it went down.

 _Do I want to know?_ "Do I have to know?" Reg really had tried to stop biting his nails but to no prevail. When they got too short, he unconsciously moved on to the cuffs of his sweaters, either fidgeting or, depending on the level of anxiety, straight away gnawing at them. Currently, he was busy with fraying his left cuff beyond recognition.

"I just told them what we agreed on. No childhood stories and only bare outlines of what you told me about the Snakes." Sirius offered during his third helping of chili. _Might not last days._ "But it was not easy to explain to them that we're not mad at you and that they ought to be not mad at you either, without telling them how it was there."

"So, the mob is to arrive any minute now with torches and pitchforks?"

"It's really not that bad." Remus was much better at easing tense air than Sirius. But Reg just lifted both his brows, one was not sufficient in that case.

"Well,-" Remus began but was cut-off by Sirius. 

"It's all fine."

"Liar. Let Remus talk."

"Well, as I was about to explain" The man in question shot a bemused look to an oblivious Sirius. "It's a rather tense situation. We received a lot of shit from the public and it was all chaos. Everyone on the team is very protective of the others, and that includes me. So, this pissed them off like, twice." The left cuff of his old Snakes-sweater came off completely from Reg's nervous plucking.

"But not everyone tends to hold grudges. Dumo's opinion of you has not changed, for example. You are still expected at nine tomorrow morning. Sergei, Sunny, Olli, Timmers and Talker also told me that, if we aren't angry at you, they don't see a reason to be, either. They remember how I was when I came to the Lions, y'know. Not that different from you and they seem to get that there is much more to the story than I could tell them." Sirius nudged Reg's knee with his foot to make him look up.

"James?" Reg refused to look up. He knew that the opinion of his brother's best friend was important to him.

"He'll come around; I promise. He saw how all of that hurt both of us and with his girlfriend, Lily, being Remus' best friend, he's a little guarded."

Sirius breathed in and... huffed the air out again.

"Bring it on." Reg had watched the _Emperor's new groove_ this morning upon fierce recommendation of Jo and found the scene he just quoted quite fitting.

"Alors, there are also more stubborn and protective guys on the team."

"Names?" The tabletop was a good place for a forehead, Reg decided.

"Kasey, Kuny, Nado, Finn and Logan. Although, not even Leo is cross with you so, I don't get it. But I'm sure if you come by the rink sometimes and they get to know you-"

"No."

"Reg." Sirius voice was pleading.

"No. Sirius, _t'es relou_! To them I'm a traitor, a Snake, nonetheless. I will surely not show up there and place myself on the pillory."

"Some day?"

"Maybe."

* * *

Lying in his bed this evening, he found that he was right in the morning. He felt more alone. He shouldn't have called Jo. But that wasn't all, was it? There was also the issue with some of the Lions itching for his head on a stick. Not all of them, sure but having five of them loathing his brother must be hard for Sirius and Reg didn't want him to feel conflicted. He should not burden others with himself. Not Sirius, not Jo, not the other Hobbits. And while he rationally knew, he was being dramatic; Reg often couldn't help himself feeling like a waste of space and energy. Dr. Pomfrey told him that he needed time and patience to readjust his self-perception. She also made sure to have him understood that not getting out of it on his own and asking for professional help was no weakness, but healthy. This surely was meant to be encouraging but somehow confirmed his conclusion that there was nothing he could give but issues, problems, complications, anxiety...

A notification on his phone startled him out of his pity-party.

Jo 22:42 – "Have a wonderful night :) ... and good luck with negotiations tomorrow :P "

* * *

Luckily, this night went over exceptionally quiet. This was not only much needed, but also fitted perfectly into the plan. Reg was sitting at the kitchen table when Sirius traipsed down the stairs, Remus in tow. _Perfect._ He had practised his poker face. He could totally pull that off. Yeah!

  
"Morning." He smiled sweetly but Sirius seemed to be too groggy to get suspicious.

"Morning Reg. How was your night?" Sirius yawned and stretched his back with a popping noise that made Remus scrunch his nose.

"Very calm, what's the matter?"

"What?"

"Lost momentum?"

" _What?_ " _Now or never. You got this, Black._

"I don't know, maybe you got bored with always doing the same stuff. Have you tried shoving a pillow under the bottom's hips? Better angle at the prostate." _Keep the eyes up! Do not avoid his indignant stare!_

"Wha- I mean why- crisse, how would you know about that?" Sirius already began to turn red while Remus just blinked behind his mug of coffee.

"Why not"?

"You don't-"

"It's pretty heteronormative of you to assume I've never fucked a guy" Reg said airily. _Even said the f-word!_

"What? Heteronormative? I'm literally gay!" Sirius exclamation seemed to wake Remus up a little as he rose a single brow, eyeing Reg.

"Makes it even worse." Reg singsonged while getting up for a tea refill.

"So, if you want to know anything else...." _Now finish it off with a suggestive shrug!_

" _OSTI DE CÂLISSE DE CIBOIRE DE TABARNAK, REG!_ No! Stop that. I don't want to imagine or _know_ you having- ... doing this. You are my baby brother!" All that got out of Sirius was swearing and a pathetic splutter. _Got him._

"Ah...Interesting." Reg sat back down, leaning over the table and fixing his brother with his best face-off stare. " You cannot stand the mere thought of me "doing this" as you put it because I'm your brother and yet, there you are refusing to keep the actual fucking happening in the next room down just a bit when I want to sleep unbothered by trauma?"

"Oh..." There was a dawn of comprehension on his brother's face.

"Yeah..."

"Oh." Remus seemed to have woken up, too.

Later, Reg heard them talking quietly in the kitchen while he was tucked in the couch, reading some book his brother had lying around at the downstairs bathroom.

"That was actually pretty smart of him." Remus gave him.

"Reg is dangerously clever. I've never doubted that, but we were raised to feel ashamed to even think the word _sex._ It took me years to get over this. He just turned red, didn't ever splutter in the slightest. Reg never pulled that off alone."

"Jeez, you are paranoid. Maybe he just tried out more than you know."

"Shhhh! Non."

"You think his advice was legit?"

Reg smirked at the muffled groan and Remus laugh instead of an answer.

Though, he was glad that his headphones had arrived that afternoon as the night was defined by the other two trying and _failing_ to keep it down. _That pillow-thing backfired a bit._ Reg admitted to himself while turning into a mortified tomato. He knew _exactly_ what was going on there _._ After texting Jo an extensive complaint about how her plan did not work out, he got a very short message in reply.

Jo 22:14 – " ;) "

Reg 22:15 – "You threw me under the bus!? Traîtresse."

Jo 22:18 – "French, my dude. What do you think will happen tomorrow morning?"

22:18 – "After them realising that the suggestion was very valid..."

22:20 – "...practically proving to Sirius that his six-years-younger brother is sexually more experienced than him..."

Reg 23:23 – "... I'll let you know."

Reg 08:36 – "You are a master of your craft. I kneel before you in awe."

Jo 08:40 – " ;) "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> French:  
> https://vidalingua.com/blog/french-canadian-words-phrases


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to become comfortable but then they're not and everything goes to hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people!
> 
> Please be careful while reading this.  
> TW for: Past abuse, slurs, and a bit of parental hate.

"What happened here Reg?" Reg was stuck in his shirt when Sirius addressed him so he did not know what he meant until he freed his head from the fabric-turned-trap and saw his brother gesturing wildly across the entire room with emphasis on carpet, string lights and book-shelf.

"You said it's mine now and as I intend to stay for a while, I wanted to make the room a little cosier..." Reg trailed off. Had he overstepped a border here? "You want me to turn it back in its original state?"

"No. No, it's just... the most lived-in room in that house and I never thought you would have an eye for that. Your room at home definitely did not look like this."

"Haha, no. But not everyone prefers the boring shit mother would call elegant. I had Mateo to throw recommendations at me. Their whole flat brims with live and barely tamed chaos. But I did enjoy the process and found a way to downturn the chaotic energy."

"Alright... just wanted to tell you that I'm off to the rink now."

"Have fun."

Later that day, Reg was off to learn how to fry a proper steak with Celeste for dinner. Remus and Sirius did not join them, having a dinner reservation somewhere already. Good steak, as it turned out, was still way beyond his capabilities. At first it was way to raw and then slowly morphed into something resembling a puck in his increasingly panicky attempts to get it to be more medium before Celeste took mercy on him and everyone else in for dinner. Reg was assigned salad and the roast potatoes instead and that went much better. Salad was not to be cooked, just washed and chopped. Easy. Potatoes were either raw, ready or burned and the difference, he could tell just fine.

And while cooking went down well enough after his puck-steak, his true revelation was baking. They made an Apple-Crumble for dessert and this was much more up to Regs alley. There was a recipe and all you had to do was following it, shoving the tray in the oven and be rewarded with the incredible smell of cinnamon and apples. Too bad he couldn't eat more than a few spoons of it without risking kicking his blood-sugar off balance. But baking, other than cooking, did not feel like a duty and more like fun and with the right replacements he could surely bake stuff he could actually devour whole if he wished. Not if, he surely wished to do that.

As he got back, he placed the left-over Apple-Crumble on the kitchen counter and went to his room to change into more comfortable clothes. _Maybe I should go and buy my own stuff instead of living out of Sirius' closet_... but his thoughts were interrupted by the sight of Sirius and Remus snuggling in _his_ bed, only illuminated by the string-lights.

"No."

"This is _my_ house." Remus paid no mind to their bickering and just shifted a bit closer against Sirius' chest.

"You said, it's my room. Cuddle in your _own_!"

"But it's so comfy in here! You can sleep in my room if you want, I'm not leaving." _Is that a pout? No. No, not happening._

Reg was not known to be as stubborn as his brother but absolutely capable. He just took a deep breath, narrowed his eyes, and contemplated just throwing himself in between them. No, Sirius would not budge, he needed a better reason for him to get up. Quickly, Reg grabbed Remus around the waist and carried him under loud protests into Sirius' room (closely followed by the latter). He dropped the shorter man onto the bed and sprinted back to occupy _his_ bed by starfishing onto it and staring defiantly. Sirius came back to glare at him for a moment, admitted defeat and retreated to his own room.

All the exasperation aside, Reg was unbelievably relieved and happy. He feared that living with them would be strained and weird for a long, long time, and sometimes it was. But other times, it just felt natural. On rare occasions even, as if it had always been like this.

Friday morning went by as every morning in the last week. Reg was tucked into a corner of the couch after his face-time breakfast with Jo, almost finished with his latest book, Alice in Wonderland. The pile besides him was constantly growing while the shelf in his room did not seem to get any emptier. By now, there were books scattered about everywhere, but Sirius only complained if a pile toppled over and he ran into it.

He had just opened the door to go for his morning run, when the mail carrier showed up at the driveway and handed him the letters instead of putting them in the mailbox. So, Reg turned on his heel to drop the stuff on the kitchen table, not really bothered by the short delay in itself but by the need to toe his shoes off for like three steps. He was a little squirrelly and needed to move. Being used to burn a lot of energy during practice meant that he now had to find different ways to get all the energy out of his system. So, he just threw the letters from the entrance towards the kitchen table in the hope to get moving but had to watch as all of them neatly glided across the table and fell down the other side. _Really!? This is my life? Hence shalt the earth swallow me up and endeth mine own mis'ry once and f'r all!_ Shakespeare clearly knew how to drama.

Grumbling he threw his head back, moved out of Sirius' shoes anyway and marched dover to gather the letters.

That was when he realised that one of them was addressed to him. Curiously, he turned the envelope, saw the sender and dropped the thing. _Oh no._

It was only a matter of time for her to order him back and he knew it. Reg did not open the message his mother sent him but didn't dare to throw it away either, so he just shoved it between the books besides the couch and went for his run.

Over the next three days, there was a letter from her in the mail and Reg had trouble hiding them before Sirius would see. He didn't want him to fuss more than he already did, and there was a bit of normalcy starting to bud between them. Maybe that was a topic to address with Dr. Pomfrey later that day.

* * *

"Hey, Reggie!" Sirius called out in the afternoon, apparently having no idea where to look for Reg in the giant building. Naturally, he had to creep up on his back with socked feet.

"You summoned me?" He whispered directly into his older brother's ear, making him jump almost a foot into the air and clutching his chest. _Gotcha!_

"Crisse, Reg you need to stop that." He breathed out, eyes wide. Reg felt the smug grin growing on his face and had no mind to stop it from doing so.

"Never. What is it?"

"Care to join us on the basement-rink?" The grin vanished. Completely.

"No."

"Come on. You haven't skated since you came here. Forgotten how?"

"No, I haven't." Reg was avoiding Sirius' amused gaze and teasing by all costs. How did he not remember all that happened at their childhood home?

"What is it then? I mean, yeah, Re will put you to shame but if I survived this, you will, too."

"I'm not afraid of Remus." Reg sighed rather exasperatedly. "I- I just don't feel well with the general idea of basement-rinks."

"Oh. I see." _Oh, really? Is it that easy to forget?_

"This poor little rink did nothing to you so come on." He surely was kidding. Reg looked up now, staring in the completely sincere eyes of Sirius.

"Did you listen?" he asked incredulously.

"Of course, and I know that feeling very well but I think you need to get over it. It's just a place, there is no one there to harm you. You've been hiding out here for weeks now Reg. Get back to life, please."

The pleading tone his brother ended his little speech with made Reg look down again. He knew he was hiding. Being an introvert at heart, he did not need vast social gatherings in his life but as much as he told himself that it was just his usual behaviour, he was well aware of the internal lie. Reluctant to face reality with an uncertain future, overwhelmed by the sudden amount of life-changing choices after never getting to choose a single thing in his life. Dr. Pomfrey made quite a habit of pointing that out every week. To no avail, by the way. Most people here still hated him and for calling his Hobbits, he did not have to leave the house. He looked so similar to Sirius that he was recognised in every grocery store he visited and stared at unashamedly.

"It took me years to go back to a rink after my injury...." Remus voice was quiet but cutting though the tense silence, nonetheless, while rounding the corner, a mug in one hand.

"Really?" Reg had not the whole picture of happenings but what he had overheard from Greyback at All-Star indicated a very unpleasant and career-ending encounter. Somehow, Remus did not look pained by the thought. He seemingly had managed to make his peace with what happened. Encouraging, yet intimidating concept of _dealing_ and getting over things.

"Yeah but you know what? I don't see it like that now. Sirius is right. It's just a place and you might feel a lot better by mixing some happier memories in. It helped me a lot." With that Remus looked up to Sirius in a sickly loving way. But Reg was an adult. He would not ruin their moment by feigning to throw up. Not this time, at least.

"OK then." He sighed. "But I have no skates here."

"Reg, you are already wearing all my shoes. Just take my substitutes." It was worth a try of getting out.

Reg looked up from stretching his legs, hearing Sirius already jumping onto the artificial ice, fooling around and trying to imitate figure skating poses.

"You did not stretch properly and will pull something while falling on your fat ass." He commented in a deadpan and observed his brother shrugging him off until Remus stepped in.

"Right? _Right_?!" The other man exclaimed. "Pads, listen to your brother, he's at least reasonable."

"HA! Heard that? I'm reasonable!" Reg yelled in triumph as Sirius skated over, rolling his eyes. "It's just a little fun, we will not go on full practice. You just want to impress Remus and get on his good side." Sirius mused before realising what he just saw. "Wait. How fucking deep do you get into the splits?!"

"All the way, why?" Reg was looking up, rearranging his legs and gliding into a wide split in one swift motion.

"HOW?!" Sirius just gaped and Remus... gaped, too. Was it that special?

"I _stretch_." He answered pointedly, yet rather bewildered by their incredulous stares.

"Fuck me!" Sirius mumbled. _Oh brother, you really brought that upon yourself._ Reg thought smugly, reading himself, to enjoy the dawning mortification in every way possible.

"I'll leave that for Remus, OK? I'm not into incest." After the airy comment Reg saw Sirius turning a wonderful shade of pink and Remus hiding his face in his hands, shoulders shaking in the corner of his eyes. He loved using Sirius figurative imagination against him, even if it was on his own costs.

But Sirius was right, Remus put them both to shame on the ice. At first at least. After Reg hat stomached the fact that the PT was on hell of a hockey player, he could keep up. Their style was remarkably similar, and they had good chemistry, driving Sirius into several fits of relative rage. By the end, Reg felt confident enough to test his own boundaries and kept the puck from both of them for minutes.

And of course, Remus turned out to know what he was talking about. Reg had a lot of fun with the two of them and thinking about basement-rinks felt a bit less threatening. Filling a dark place with happier memories made it a lot easier to separate the past from locations and it felt much better. After dinner, he quickly retreated to his room, feeling like an intruder more and more. He did not want to move out, wanted to enjoy the newly found closeness with his brother but not when he was a burden.

* * *

The next morning, Reg woke up to a phone-call. He woke up. To a phone call. That had probably never happened before. He didn't even set alarms in the morning, waking up early enough anyways. So, he was a stranger to being ripped out of sleep, which did nothing to help his mood. The room was pitch black as he squinted at the clock on the nightstand: 4:38 in the morning. _Quoi?_

Grumbling, he slapped his hand in the direction of his phone, shutting it off. But only a few seconds later, it rang again. This time Reg accepted the call with a not-at-all concealed grumble instead of a greeting.

**"Good morning sunshine!"** a bright and much too energetic voice waved from his phone.

_"What?" Jo._

**"I said-"**

"No, no. I heard you but WHAT. THE. FUCK! Have you an idea how early it is!?" _This is what people with alarms go through every morning?_

Jo had the nerve to just laugh. **"Yeah, I have an idea. Just pulled an all-nighter. I take this as evidence that you don't take it well to be woken up. Last time on Ben's couch you were just as grumbly."**

"What do you want?" He shoved his face more or less back into his pillow, not caring whether she would understand him or not.

**"Oh! Yeah, right. There was a reason for my call."**

"There better be."

**"Alright, hear me out! There was a huge water damage in my University building yesterday and the power is out completely."** She sounded much too excited for this information.

"Fascinating!" Reg mumbled into his pillow. "Needed to hear that ASAP."

**"Belt up, I said hear me out."** Now, her tone resembled more her bullying-into-feeling-better™ voice. He was mildly intrigued.

**"That means we only have online assignments and work sheets for the whole week. You always say you are kinda lonely there and so I checked and just now there are very, like very cheap last minute-flights to Gryffindor available. I could be there at, like 7:30 this evening and stay a week if you want."**

"WHAT?" He struggled to get all the information in his still sleepy brain. Sur le cup, je suis cogne des clous _. At first, I need to fight off the sleep_.

**"So, you're gonna pick me up at the airport?"**

Still processing.

**"Reg? You fell asleep again?"** Jo sounded amused again.

Done.

"Non, I didn't and oui to everything else! See you then!"

They hung up and Reg was suddenly alight with energy. That was, indeed, a reason to wake him up. With a hum, he stretched and went for a shower. Afterwards, he stood in front of the mirror for a while. It was not showing but he was already starting to lose strength from lack of training. If he wanted to return to the rink someday, he would need to commence a more intense and balanced workout than just running for miles. But Reg despised fitness-studios, on the rink or outside he was moving, and everything felt a little more purposeful than training in a room, lifting weights while staring at a white wall. Reg shuddered shortly at the thought of so much boredom and got dressed. It was a tragedy that he rarely found audiobooks he really liked. Sometimes it was just the way a reader would pronounce a certain word to irritate him enough to stop listening.

But today wasn't the day he would bother with that. Today was the day for being giddy. Jo was visiting him. Not that he did not enjoy his solitude, but even an introvert like him wanted some social contact with friends now and then, just not many people at once.

He scurried around the house to clean up. It wasn't strictly necessary he did not tend to create any kind of untidiness except of stray books. The time with Sirius had shown him that it was not just his upbringing, forcing him to keep his room spotless, but also his own preference. After breakfast, today without face time, re-erecting two book piles and a quick once-over of his bathroom, he was done with cleaning up and went to his morning run. No letter today. _Maybe Maman had given up?_ Yesterday, he had agreed with Dr. Pomfrey to take the letters with him to their next appointment in five days and open them together. But now, they seemed to have stopped anyway. The day just got better and better.

The rest of it broke away in weird pieces. Time did not pass for what felt like an eternity and suddenly it was three hours later. And Reg just made it to his appointment in time because Remus remined him in one of the suddenly-time-is-gone moments. He had no appointment with Dr. Pomfrey today but with a GP for a routine check-up on his Diabetes. Remus knew as he overheard him making the appointment but promised to not tell Sirius as he would probably be concerned about it. It seemed still a bit hard for him to believe that Reg was fine and nothing bad would happen to him. Diabetes was something one could easily live with if having access to education and medication, which he luckily had. But the older Black still was worried and a bit cross for the "Diabetes-care" note Reg pinned to the fridge a while ago.

As he got home around five in the afternoon (according to the doctor, he was in top condition, just as expected), he was met with an enthusiastic Sirius, wearing an expression as if he was hiding a puppy for Reg behind his back.

"REG! I've invited some of the guys tonight, so you get a bit around people and socialise. They arrive at 6."

_Not a puppy._

"Oh."

"No, no. It will be fun. Dumo will come over, not Celeste I'm afraid, Katie and Marc have a cold. And James and Lily and the Cubs."

"Who?"

"Logan, Finn and Leo."

"Oh."

"What?" Sirius seemed to lose a bit of his drive as the conversation went on.

"I- Well, I don't think that's a good idea. Especially Logan is not very fond of me and-"

"Do not worry, little brother, Tremzy will come 'round. You can be very tolerable."

"Thanks, I guess?" Connecting his brother with his chosen family seemed very important to Sirius, so Reg would try his best to _socialise._ What had Sirius done to get this people to voluntarily spent time with Reg?

"You're welcome. Now come on and help Re and me preparing dinner and snacks."

"You mean I help Remus in the kitchen while preventing you from messing up?"

"Hey!"

"It is Celeste-approved that I'm a better cook than you. Want to argue against Celeste?"

"Bien, bien. Allez." Giving in that easily was a tell-tale that Sirius was really excited and wanted this to work out. _Ouais, hence I shall pretend to be a little social butterfly instead of a snarky borderline recluse, trapped in the body of a young NHL player._

6:45 and Reg was nervous as hell. While dinner went down with few awkward silences so far (everyone was busy eating). However, the general mood was more than a little strained by now and he had somehow missed the point of telling Sirius about Jo's visit. He should really have asked him about having guests staying...

Except Dumo, everyone was wary towards him and Sirius' rather pathetic attempts to lighten the mood were making it even more uncomfortable.

Time dragged on while Finn and Logan were sitting directly in front of him, eyeing him sceptically and making him wish for sudden sinkholes. It got even worse as Leo made polite conversation with him as it seemed to make the other two guys watching him even more intense. For whatever reason. He and Leo met at the pre-season NHL camp, being drafted at the same time and apparently, he was the only one in this building who pronounced his last name correctly so, unlike with the other guys, there was actually topics they could talk about.

James and his girlfriend -Lily- were politely distanced but somehow, they seemed more concerned for Sirius and Remus than angry with Reg. Lily was mostly chatting with Remus while James joined Sirius in pure awkwardness.

_Please go home, guys._ He probably needed a whole day of tea and reading, locked in his room in pure, relaxing solitude, to recover. Also, he needed to get going if he wanted to be at the airport in time.

The day started so good and now he sat here, pressed for time and being glared at while his brother and James did... what exactly?

It seemed, James and Sirius were in some kind of ice-water drinking competition to see who could get down more before an incapacitating brain-freeze would set in. Right now, Sirius was losing, pressing the heels of his palms against his forehead, eyes squeezed shut.

"Calisse, frangin. Tu es niaiseux spectculaire." _Idiot._ Reg sighed, more to himself than addressing anyone in particular. Logan, however, wanted to answer.

"Chut, salaud! Tu est absoulment interdit achales Sirius." _You're not allowed to talk about him like that._

"Il est mon frere! I'm entitled to call him out." Reg answered as nonchalantly as he could.

"Are you really, tough?" That answer made him turn his head towards Logan.

Finn was gone, looking for another drink while Logan was now staring at him with open dislike. Eyes narrowed, chin pushed forward in an unspoken challenge. Reg gladly accepted, needing an out for his nervous energy anyway. He stood up, using the several inches he had over the other boy, leaned across the table until their noses almost touched and stared coldly into the green eyes across from him. Intimidating people with his height, build and glacial stare, he could do. He did not like it, did not like to be stared at himself but he had enough practice to pull that off.

"No, he's adopted. Isn’t it obvious?” He quietly said between them, expression not shifting.

While Logan’s face gave away nothing, there was a spark in his eyes, indicating that he was, either amused or about to explode. Leo, on the other hand barely suppressed a chuckle at the joke, despite the tense air.

“Osti! I have the feeling that I’m more of a brother to him that you ever were. _I_ did not open up his secrets for the world to stare at." So, it was anger, not amusement in his eyes. Suddenly, Reg craved to let off steam in an open fight. _Very well, let it begin._

The room was quiet now. It seems others had started to recognise the dawn of trouble. Finn and Leo seemed to feel the need to intervene in the potentially lethal situation, for they had to dispose of one or two bodies if Logan just said one more word. While he was confident he could beat the shit out of the shorter guy if strictly necessary, most people in here were on Logan’s side and he would not make the mistake to underestimate him. He’d seen videos of people on the ice, who did.

Suddenly, there was a hand harshly grabbing Reg, the thumb pressing into his shoulder blade and pulling at him. Everything went out of focus, he couldn’t breathe. Scenes were rapidly flashing before his eyes. Their father, grabbing him and Sirius like this to reign them in whenever, not only at the rink, being shoved around, being smacked for shortcomings, their mother slapping Sirius when she though he was not looking - purple bruises - tears - fear - desperation - _hurt_ -

He did not know for how long he was spiralling before a loud voice pulled him out of it. Reg jolted, staring into concerned blue eyes before he tore himself out of the grip and stormed towards the front door. _Out._ He needed to get _out._

* * *

Well, that was... unexpected. Regulus looked more than ready to engage in a brawl and Logan had just waited for the little shit to make a move. And then, a hand on his shoulder had sent him right into what could only be called a panic spiral?

Everyone was staring after Regulus, who just stormed out of the door into the pouring rain, not bothering with a coat or even shoes. They all looked confused and a bit concerned but the look on Sirius’ face was different. Logan had no words for it, but it seemed he knew exactly, what just had happened, probably from experience. Dumo began to look at Sirius and some kind of comprehension dawned on the team-dad’s face. Just as Sirius was getting up to follow his brother, said one rushed back in. He was soaking wet from the rain, eyes red and looking even more panicked than before, if that was even possible. His wet socks made squishing noises on the floor as he, apparently, tried to get as fast as possible into the opposite direction than before. _What the hell is going on?_

Quicker as one would expect from such a tall man, Sirius darted into Regulus’ way, pressing his brother to his chest and mumbling something but the younger Black did not calm down at all. He was shaking and breathing much too fast. What the hell was actually going on revealed itself as suddenly two people were standing in the doorway from the hall to the living-room. Concerning looks, it was undeniable that this were their parents but other than that he never seen less parent-like people. All cold stares and impersonal posture.

"Regulus, arrête ça! How do you present yourself in front of people?! You are a Black, not a meek little girl." The voice of, apparently Mrs. Black, was a harsh whisper but it seemed enough to make Regulus jump and rub his sleeves over his eyes frantically.

Instead of the self-assured young man, joking while ready to punch Logan in the face, there was a 6’2’’ shaking, terrified mess hiding behind his older brother, eyes wide.

Sirius had pushed himself fully in front of Regulus, staring at their mother coldly. While she had moved into the living room, facing her older son, their father remained in the doorway; A looming shadow in the background.

“Hello Maman, such an unexpected visit. What brings you here?” Sirius greeted her sweetly.

“We are here to bring back our son. He has to play a game in two days and had missed out on too many already.” The woman declared, not even bothering to address Regulus directly.

“He is on sick leave.” was all Sirius answered, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Sick leave! What for? He is obviously perfectly healthy. Allez, Regulus needs to move. We have a flight booked for him already.” Still, she was not talking _with_ him, as if her younger son was a mere thing to command around.

In the tense silence that followed, Logan’s eyes darted across the room, taking in the angry faces of Loops, Pots, Lily and Dumo and the uneasy confusion he felt himself mirrored in the eyes of his boys.

“Regulus, now. This idle little act of rebellion had been going on long enough, I won’t let you shame the name of Black for a moment longer. You will go back, you will play hockey worthy of your name and you will stop associating with this kind of people.” Mrs. Black finally spoke to Regulus directly while dismissively gesturing around but with emphasis on Remus.

“Leave. My. House. Now.” Sirius growled, barely able to pull himself together instead of exploding in anger. The others, just as Logan had themselves placed behind Sirius in support. James and Lily had their hands placed on Remus’ shoulders reassuringly. Everyone got their back on this and everyone looked just as murderous. Surprisingly, Lily stuck out of the mass of grown ass NHL players as the most alarming sight he could imagine.

“You dare throwing your own mother out? Again?” Mrs. Black scoffed coldly. Mr. Black was still in the doorway, observing silently.

“ _Oui_. _J'm'en calice._ Go.” _I don't give a fuck_. Sirius was getting loud now. Not a good sign.

“This is not how you talk to me!” The woman was getting louder too, her cold voice turning into a shrill screech as she aimed to slap Sirius across the face. In the corner of his eye, Logan saw Dumo and James darting forward minutely just as he did but Regulus’ hand already flung around his brother, catching Mrs. Black’s wrist before her hand came even close to Sirius’ face.

“Non.” Regulus said quietly. All three of them seemed to be equally surprised at this development. Regulus had neither moved nor uttered a single word until now.

“That’s enough.” Mr. Black finally left the doorway, dark eyes disapproving while he spoke for the first time. “Regulus comes with us. I won’t risk the career and reputation of my _only_ son being ruined by inadequate company and behaviour. He does what he is told.” His disapproving stare turned disgusted as it fell on Sirius and then Remus, making clear what he thought of his eldest son.

Logan struggled to comprehend what just happened. Their father had, in one sentence, discredited Sirius’ whole existence and shunned him from his family. This was the reaction that had Sirius shy away from being himself, what Logan had feared since he first met Finn. He quickly looked over to Finn and Leo, who looked back at him, just as shocked as he felt. His heart ached with how much he wanted to grab their hands, but _these_ people could not find out about them. Time seemed to have stopped, no one moved, the heavy rain still clattering against the windows felt deafening in the silence as Regulus’ shoulders dropped in defeat. He was staring firmly to the ground while he made his way around Sirius. "Reggie?" Sirius pleading was almost inaudible.

The younger Black was not looking at his brother, who was gone pale. As soon as Regulus moved, the anger and determination on his face fell away and were replaced by unbearable hurt. It seemed that all of his family had ousted Sirius now. Even the brother he thought was on his side. _Fucking asshole!_

Logan tore his gaze away from Sirius face, from Remus squeezing his hand to Regulus slowly following his parents. His expression was no longer blank, thoughts seemed to race in his mind. Like the obedient puppet he was, he opened the door for his parents, letting them go first and then, not so much like a puppet, he just closed the door behind them, quickly turning the lock and staring as if surprised by his own actions. Seconds later, there were loud knocks on the door accompanied by Mrs. Blacks screeches.

“Regulus! Don’t you dare! I will not let you get through with this!”

“Regulus Arcturus Black, you’ve been warned! We’d rather end your career than having another disgrace of a son in the public eye!”

After the first angry threats seeped through the door, Reg turned on his still wet heel and beelined to bathroom, throwing up immediately and rather violently by the sounds of it. Logan’s gaze sprang back to Sirius, who only stared between front door and bathroom, hand clutching Remus’, knuckles white.

“Allez, mon fils, go. Look after your brother, I deal with the people in front of the door.”

Angrier than ever seen off the ice, Pascal made his way over to the front door, phone already at his ear, talking to the police. Logan looked around at the others in the tense silence as Sirius followed Regulus into the bathroom and closed the door behind them. With the older Blacks gone, Logan all but threw himself into the arms of his boys, burying his face in Finn’s neck while clutching at the back of Leo’s sweater. He felt Finn shifting, his right arm gripping Logan while his left arm held Leo close. None of them cared about their surrounding while they all tried to get to terms with this new insight in the life of their Captain and all the hate that came with it.

“Motherfucking hell, they grew up like that?” He heard Finn whisper into Leo’s neck.

“Horrible. I understand Cap’s panic at the airport much better now.” Leo answered just as quietly and pressed a kiss on the top of Logan’s head.

Not just the airport, a lot of things made much more sense now: What some of the others had told him about Sirius’ behaviour in his rookie year, Regulus’ interview and him being so closed off.

_Regulus._ Logan still had trouble comprehending this rather intimidating boy being utterly scared of his own parents. No one should fear their family. He felt suddenly very sorry. Just a few weeks ago he made it quite a thing to explain to Sirius that, just because he had made a mistake, his friends and family did not hate him. And then he went along and did exactly that with Regulus. Judging his whole person over a mistake. Well, two but that didn’t make much of a difference.

An unclear amount of time later, Sirius re-emerged from the bathroom and went over to Pascal. Two police- officers had arrived and were escorting a furious Mrs. Black and a detached Mr. Black to their car, sending them away with a warning. After a short conversation, the officers bid them goodnight and Sirius returned to his shocked guests.

He looked around them all, sighed and pinched his nose.

“No. You all put that look directly back where it came from. I will not accept any pity here. Nothing has changed. I’m still the same person and Reg is still the same person. And you,” he looked directly at Logan but much to his elation, Sirius wasn’t angry and spoke softly. “I appreciate your protectiveness and I love you just as much as a brother but if you stay that nasty towards my other brother, we have a problem. Please just leave him alone if you can't be nice.”

Logan pressed his lips together and nodded.

“Sirius, - “James tried.

“No. It's alright. I do not want to discuss what happened, I do not want to hear questions or even encouragement. This is why I never wanted people to find out about our upbringing. I don’t want you to look at either of us and see _that_.” He sighed again. “But now that you know anyway: Reggie’s time with the Snakes had not been much different from what you just saw so be kind. He’s learning what a support system is, just how I had to learn. I know some of you are still cross with his involvement in the twitter fiasco, but it happened and it's over.” He grabbed Remus’ hand again, looking at him with so much love in his eyes, it almost hurt. “Not how we wanted to come out, but it's done and I’m happy to openly love who I want, alright? Get over it, he’s part of the family now.”

With that speech in mind they all said goodbye to Remus and Sirius, Regulus was still hiding out in the bathroom, and went to their respective homes. Logan went with Finn and Leo. After that display of hate, he wanted to be close to his loved ones.

* * *

When Reg felt ready to re-emerge from the bathroom, the guests were gone. _Thank you, deity whose existence I highly doubt._

He was not in the mood to deal with people now. Luckily, Sirius knew him well enough to leave him getting his head around the last hour on his own before talking about it. He did not see Remus or Sirius on his way to the upstairs bathroom for a shower, but he heard their quiet conversation wafting from the couch. At first, he brushed his teeth to get rid of the sour taste that stayed after he threw up. Under the hot spray of the shower, Reg allowed himself to take a deep breath, ran his hands over his face and tried to recount what had just happened. He sat at one of the most awkward dinners in his life, even if his time with the Snakes was taken into account, and nearly punched a good friend of his brother in the face. Then someone, most likely Leo, grabbed his shoulder, he panicked and got outside just to see the personification of his fears striding up the driveway while he was trying to calm down again.

So far, so bad.

But what followed could only be described as pure chaos in his head. He remembered getting back inside in a pathetic attempt to somehow flee and being caught by Sirius who tried to calm him from his panic. But he did not know that a real problem replaced the flashback. Remembering the dread overcoming him by the mere _sight_ of his _own parents_ made him feel cold all over, despite the hot water. People should not be afraid of their family. They, mostly Maman, ordered him back to play, completely indifferent to his mental health, only focused on hockey. He did not want this anymore and maybe that was the reason he stopped their mother from slapping Sirius for the first time in his life. Reg suddenly realised that it had always been like this but back then he didn't know anything else. Shock and fear were abruptly overshadowed by anger. Anger on how he spent his childhood thinking that love needed to be earned, that being treated like a human was parental love, that "good enough" was a lie weaker parents told their weaker children and that nothing mattered, nothing was worth perusing, except the expectations of their parents, hockey.

_Sirius._ His wrath shifted its focus from his own neglect to his brother. He went through the same upbringing and managed to find friends, a family and love despite all of it but since it did not fit in their parents view of socially adequate, they shunned him. Threw him out of the family even though he was too famous for their parents to harm his career. _Wrong Team, wrong friends, wrong love._ This was disgusting! And Reg had almost given in, following them back in the hell that was his live. As soon as their fathers voice rang through the living room, Reg's brain went into self-preservative obedience-mode, but Sirius' quiet pleading had ripped him out of his stupor. On his way towards the door he saw his brother's laughter replaced by that night in the shower, the blood dripping down his leg, then Bens embrace. This first real hug, he had received in years, followed by Mateo, their flat and Jo, by Dumo calling him his son, Celeste laughing at his pathetic attempts at cooking and laundry.Sirius, not telling their mother that Reg would stay. He just said that he's on sick leave. No command.

He made a decision and it felt like the first one he had ever made himself. He decided to stay. Not because anyone had told him to stay, because he wanted to. After turning the lock of the front door, he felt a rush of adrenaline, like escaping a hit on the ice but as his mother's words seeped through the door, the hit came. She would destroy him. His own mother just told him that she would end his career because she was ashamed of him. That statement finally had his stomach turning and he made it to the bathroom just in time. Reg did not remember how much time he spent dry heaving but at some point, Sirius came looking after him and handled everything outside the bathroom. It was remarkable how well Sirius held himself together after all that happened this evening.

After drying off, Reg felt like sleeping forever but instead of his bedroom, he headed back downstairs to talk to Sirius. The house was only dimly lit and as closer he got to the couch, the clearer it became that his brother was crying. Usually, Sirius was the strong one, the protective older brother and seeing him devastated made Reg's chest ache. He did not want to intrude the intimacy between him and Remus but also, for once, wanted to be strong for his brother. Reg didn't know why the threats of his parents left him so much calmer now, but he would make good use of it, as long as it would last. Slowly and quietly, he stepped around the couch and knelt in front of his brother, making him startle and rubbing his eyes frantically.

"Hey, Reggie. That was one hell of an evening, non? How are you?" Sirius clearly tried to stifle his sobs and appear completely collected. Did not work. At all.

"Alright but, how are you?"

"It's fine." At this answer, Reg just snorted.

"Liar."

Remus took this as cue to quietly get up, mumbling something about tea.

"Reg-" Sirius started with a small voice but Reg would not have any of it.

"Non. Listen, while I don't see these people being worth your tears, I understand that their behaviour hurt you and it's OK. You do not have to be strong for me. Let me be strong for you this once."

Reg was never good at physical displays of affection. He usually felt just very awkward and uncomfortable but the last weeks had taught him a lot about the power of a good hug and so he was pulling his brother to his chest, now both sitting on the ground. Sirius stiffened by the unexpected movement but soon buried head in Reg's shoulder and started sobbing again, comforted by soft pats on his back and arms wrapped firmly around him.

"It's ok. I'm here and I'm not leaving you behind. We've got each other, Siri." Reg tried himself at sounding calm and soothing, swaying his brother a little in his arms but as Sirius head snapped up and teary grey eyes bore into his, he contemplated booking a course in basic human interaction.

"You- You haven't called me like that in... " the older Black stammered while wiping his nose with his sleeve and spreading his snot over the whole thing. Reg was convinced he remained a calm and friendly expression even though he was completely grossed out. His brother was upset and thus entitled to behave oddly. At least, he did not fail at human interaction.

"...Five years. I know. It's high time I start again, non?" Emboldened, he tried for some slight humour and it did, indeed, work as Sirius chuckled a little and turned to grab some tissues instead of hugging Reg again with _that_ sleeve. _Oh, thank god. Now, please burn your shirt._

"Why did they even come here?" Sirius asked after clearing out his nose and taking a mug of herbal tea from Remus, who decided to join the little party on the floor.

A sudden connection popped up in Regs brain. _Oh no._ "Ohhh..."

"What?"

"She wrote to me." His face was buried in his hands as he drew out a big sigh.

" _What?_ "

"Yeah... like four letters in the last week but I've never opened them. Wanted to do that with Pomfrey next time. Merde. Je suis deloslè, that could have prepared us."

But instead of accusations, Sirius just shrugged, already back in generous and protective brother-mode. "Don't worry. I wouldn't've opened them either but why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to get all worried again. Things were just beginning to feel less weird."

"Yeah, I see." Sirius patted his shoulder with the not-snotty arm and Reg felt incredibly tried again.

"Well, I'm off to bed then, you ok?"

"Oui, merci mon frere. Bon nuit."

"Good night, Reg." Both smiled at him as they moved to sit on the couch and he retreated to his room.

On his way back upstairs, Reg felt a pang of loneliness. He knew that Siri and Remus were once more snuggled together at the couch, comforting each other. He loved that his brother found someone but somehow, he needed comfort too this night. For a short moment in the living room he had considered to just cuddle up on Sirius' other side until he saw them looking at each other and decided against intruding. Besides, he really needed to sleep. It was past eleven by now. As he did not bother with actual clothing after the shower, he was already in shirt and boxers as he flung himself on the bed, his face smacking painfully into his phone.

Reg checked it out of habit while rubbing his eyebrow and froze. 12 messages, 32 missed calls. All from Jo.

"What-" he mumbled to himself and then it hit him. Hard. In this mess of an evening he had forgotten to pick up Jo from the airport a _lmost four hours ago._

Instantly, he called her back, but she did not pick up. Phone dead.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A ratty backpack in the middle of the room had nearly gotten the better of him. Not a dream. Living, breathing chaos is visiting, Reg mused as he stepped over a pair of discarded jeans, a laptop and a binder to get out of his, once wonderfully tidy, room just to slip on a sock and land on his ass. His own sock, he had the misfortune to realise.
> 
> Be ready, we're talking feelings today. Lots of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello fellow people! I'm very very sorry this took me so long but the chapter just didn't want to sit right with me so re-wrote it a couple of times. I'm still not 10000% happy but here we are! Thank you all for staying with me and leaving comments and kudos! It means the world.

_"Tabernak! Tabernak, tabkernak, tabernak!" Shit._ Reg cursed loudly while yanking on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, hurrying down the stairs. His socked foot slipped, and he made it down the last few steps on his tailbone, yelping loudly at the unexpected pain.

"Crisse, Reggie? What's going on?" Sirius was padding from the living room, looking irritated.

"No time to explain, gotta go!" Reg was busy digging for a car key while simultaneously trying to foot on some sneakers.

"Wait! Are you bolting?" His brothers voice was unexpectedly close, and Reg jumped, almost falling over and dragging the key bowl with him.

"Siri, I really need to get going." Why wouldn't the damn shoe get on properly? Was it Remus'?

"Now? Where?"

"Airport." By now, Reg had disentangled a key and tried to get in the other shoe first.

"What are you up to? Changed your mind and hop onto the next flight to Slytherin?" Sirius sounded equally alarmed and angry by now so that Reg decided to give the shortest possible answer and _go_ , sans shoes, if they kept behaving unreasonable.

"Oh, _enculer connard_. Jo was coming over, told me this morning, I wanted to tell you but then shit went to hell and I forgot her." He hurried through the words, getting faster each syllable.

"What?!" Despite his hurry, Reg could not miss the incredulous tone of his brother's voice and decided that he deserved an elaboration. A short one.

"She landed almost four hours ago and is not picking up her phone. She doesn't have the address and I suppose she is either still there or booked a flight back to Boston. Whatever, I go now and look! "

"Wait."

"Really?" With a groan Reg turned to his brother, having no choice anyway as he was firmly gripping Reg's wrist.

"Yeah. I'm coming with you. You tried to put the left shoe on your right foot for over a minute now. You're a mess and I'm not letting you drive like this." Reg looked down. _Oh._

"You're not driving like this either, Pads. I drive. Come on." At some point neither of them remembered, Remus has gotten up from the couch, put on his shoes and a jacket and was ready to go, an expectant expression on his face.

* * *

The drive was dominated by a tense silence. At first. Then, it was uncomfortable conversation.

"So, you got a guest staying? At my house?" Sirius asked and Reg was not sure if it was teasing or accusation.

"I'm sorry. I should've told you." He considered hiding in the nooks of the backseat. His day was shit and he felt incapable of being a human.

"Hey, I understand. It was one hell of an evening and things get messy." His brother leaned back and clumsily patted Reg's knee, but it didn't help in the slightest. He should be angry, furious even about the uproar Reg had caused in his life. He felt like messing up constantly.

"What's on your mind?" Sirius asked after Reg kept quiet for a while. He could see his older brother observing him through the rear-view mirror.

"What isn't?" Reg snapped back much more irritated than he intended to. The mental list of fuckups just got longer. _The interview-thing, the twitter-thing, the leg-thing, me hiding the letters, me messing up the room, having a fried come to your house without asking, me almost picking a fight with your friends, me forgetting my own fried..._

"Fair."

The car fell silent again. Reg was rather glad for it as he buried his face in his hands. _She will have my head on a stick... if we even catch her_. But he was not left to bath in his misery for long as Sirius' voice rudely interrupted his thought.

"Is there anything else I need to know about your mysterious crush?" This time, it was definitely teasing, probably to loosen up the silence. And this time, unlike every other attempt of Siri, ever, it worked a treat. _Damn._

"Oh, shut up!" Reg grumbled out between his hands and peeked up enough to see his brother watching him with way too much glee.

"Awww, you're blushing!"

"I'll end you."

* * *

Upon entering the airport, Reg grew aware that he had no idea how to efficiently look for a possibly-not-even-there person but before he even really got into worrying, Remus made a beeline to the reception desk, brothers in tow. _At least one of us remembered to take his brain along._

But before he was done praising Remus' pragmatic side, Reg got shoved forward, facing a mildly interested but obviously tired woman and switched cursing the man internally for forcing him into human interaction wholly unprepared. _Extroverts._

He felt himself growing redder and redder as he stumbled through a somewhat coherent string of words, asking, if there was a flight to Boston in the last four hours and if Jo was a passenger on it, while trying to ignore his brothers snickers and Remus' attempts at silencing him.

"There was a flight to Boston three hours ago but concerning potential passengers, I am not allowed to share this information with you. I'm sorry." The lady really looked sorry while giving him an apologetic shrug.

"Good evening. That you so much for your time. I wonder, if the girl of question would still be here, would you be allowed to make an announcement over the speakers, asking her to come to the reception?" Remus had appeared at his side, Sirius behind him, who was sporting his most charming smile. At that, the woman bit her lip in thought and her eyes widened as she seemed to recognise Remus and _the_ Sirius Black in front of her. She smiled at them in conspiration and announced her.

_Remus Lupin. The man. The myth. The legend._

_Oh, and Sirius was there, too._

Reg's stomach knotted in excitement and dread as he recognised Jo, marching around a corner, looking dishevelled and tired. As soon as she laid her eyes on Reg, she stopped dead in her tracks and stared in disbelief. But the surprise was quickly replaced by narrowed eyes, her mouth a thin line. Reg's brain had possibly decided to call it a day and left him clueless on what to do now. While lifting his hand in an awkward wave, he already knew that this was the wrong thing but as his brain supplied only blue-screen, he went with it anyways. The answer came in two raised middle fingers as Jo turned on her heel, moving into the opposite direction, leaving Reg looking down and pinching the bridge of his nose in desperation.

"Why are you still standing here, useless idiot? Go!" Someone, probably Sirius, gave him a hard shove, waking him from his stupor.

"Jo?" Reg hurried after her as quick as he could without starting a scene right here. _Why, though? There will be a scene anyway and it'll probably be all-over social media come breakfast._

Said girl slowed down and turned around again, staring angrily at Reg, who did not dare coming closer than arms-length. Her eyes were still narrowed as she crossed her arms in front of her chest, eyebrows rising.

"Erm... Hi?" Nothing. _Yeah. That was pretty pathetic. Oh my god, brain, be of use!_

"Erm...O- Okay. You are upset. I know and I understand but I did not mean to forget about you, things just got in the way. Really." At the word "forget" Jo's brows rose higher. _The order of explanation was not very clever._

"It is a really long and shitty story and I would prefer to explain at a less public place. Could you come home with me and we talk?" Jo hadn't said a word so far and seemed not inclined to change that. But Regs brain was out of order and he was sure he could not explain the evening in a coherent manner without breaking into tears right there. While he felt not as hurt as Sirius seemed until now, the reality of the evening and his mother's words started to settle in more deeply.

"No." There was not much room for interpretation, was there? His insides felt just as cold as her glare.

"Oh." After a long moment of tense silence and being stared down, a part of Reg just shrivelled up and found new interest in the pattern of the floor while rubbing his neck constantly.

"When's your flight back then?"

"Tomorrow. 12 o'clock." Her voice really made no room for any sort of amendment. Reg sighed. It became clear that the game was lost.

"And where do you stay?"

"Here."

"All night?" Now, Reg had to look up from studying his shoes -two different ones, he realised- and furrow his brows.

"I've already waited five hours, what's another twelve?" Jo shrugged uncomfortably, rearranging the ratty backpack dangling from her left shoulder.

Oh, no. That was just ludicrous. He would not let her stay all night at a deserted airport.

"Oh, come on. I cannot let you stay here for that long. Please come with me. If you want, I bring you back tomorrow." 

"No. I'd rather stay here." She pushed her chin forward and wrapped her arms more firmly around her chest. A picture of stubbornness. "It seems everyone forgot about me at once and you didn't answer your phone at all so the visit seems not very important. I don't want to intrude or force myself into your life. Coming here was a ridiculous idea."

Oh god. He had to admit it, didn't he? "Erm... I also forgot to mention that you're coming over..." At that, Jo's jaw dropped a little. Then, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath and ...turned to go without another word. _Non, non, non, non!_

"Jo, please. I want to explain." Reg didn't think he could stand leaving it like that and he started to panic.

"But I don't know if I want to hear it! That was a shit move, Reg! Just... forget it." She didn't look over her shoulder while talking but her teary voice betrayed her anyway.

_Oh shit. I messed up. She won't ever talk to me again, not that I blame her but, oh shit, oh god, she will tell Ben and he will tell Matty and then, they will be angry with me, too and never talk to me again because there's nothing I can do to make it up and soon Siri will be annoyed with me mucking things up and then he will kick me out and that's it, I can basically just leave and live under a bridge instead of making things worse for the people I care for and-_ a hand on his upper arm ripped him out of his spiral of doom _._ It hasn't been that bad since his night in the Slytherin shower with the glass bottle. What a day.

He didn't dare to open his eyes for a few more breaths but when he did, he realised that he's very close to welling up and that the hand on his arm belonged to his brother. The dread he was feeling all evening just sank a few inches deeper into his guts. He had kind of hoped the hand belonged to someone else.

Although Reg had no idea what was happening in his face right now, his brother seemed to have caught on his thoughts and silly hopes. "She's over around the corner, Re is talking to her." He shuddered a bit "Angry, that one. How get short people that angry? I mean, have you seen Logan, or worse, Lily getting angry? Fucking terrifying."

That stupid comment of Sirius drew a wet chuckle out of Reg. Yes, he's seen Logan and Lily, just a few hours before, and also other small people getting angry. _Ben and Jo._ _And there's another wave of tears. Right. At. The. Fucking. Airport. Yay._ His brain seemed to be back from -vacation? strike? And supplied comments just as dry as unhelpful. With a groan, Reg rubbed his neck harshly while, as discreetly as possible, wiping his eyes with the sleeves of whatever hoodie he was wearing and was incredibly thankful for his brother's silence.

After what could have been minutes or hours, Remus was rounding the corner. Jo in tow. She did not look at him as Remus announced that they will go home now and talk there, in peace. They exited the airport in weird silence, drove home in weird silence, entered Sirius' house in weird silence and stood in the middle of the kitchen in weird silence as Sirius and Remus bade them goodnight and quickly fled the scene. _Splendid._

He didn't know what to say. It was as if the silence between them had grown too thick to get through anymore but then she looked up -finally- and both started rambling at once just to stop and start again at the exact same moments a few times before finally bursting into laughter.

"Oh, bloody hell, this day is so stupid!" Jo was still laughing weakly, ruffling through her hair with both hands.

Reg was relatively sure by now that he did not mess up eternally, but somehow had to make sure anyway "Do you hate me?"

"Reg, dumbass. I don't hate you." Jo exclaimed in an incredulous tone, gesticulating wildly.

Relief washed over Reg as he stooped down and just enveloped her in a firm hug, her arms trapped in between them awkwardly.

"What?" Reg teased at her muffled voice and useless squirming. There was nothing she could do to escape. Or so he thought until the heel of her left foot was forcefully punched down on his toes.

" _Crisse!_ " He yelped after releasing her immediately, clutching his foot. "Maybe it's broken!"

"Yeah, no. We would've heard it. Also, it's you own fault. If you use your strength and size as advantage, I've got to play dirty to keep up." Her tone was accusatory but the smirk on her face took all weight from it, even as she jabbed a finger hat his chest. The humour vanished and she averted her gaze after a few moments. "You know, at that airport I was angry and annoyed and tired and hungry and cold, which is -I'm sure- a bad combination to witness. I'm sorry."

_Oh. There was something he could actually_ do _._ "Nah." Reg tried an encouraging smile as if _he_ could be angry with _her_ for how the evening went down. "Overall, a shitty situation. You're good." He shoved two pieces of toast into the toaster and ushered Jo towards the couch, where he threw a blanket at her and went back to get the toast, butter and a glass of water.

The following silence was only disrupted by few elated groans of Jo while decimating the toast and snuggling up under the blanket. Indeed, she looked a lot more approachable now.

The, astonishingly contend, silence was ended with a sigh. "I don't think it's a good idea to stay. I already re-booked my flight back for tomorrow and if your life is stressful at the moment, I'm surely just in the way."

_Nope._ "You are not in the way! I was really excited to have you over...."

"And then you forgot it?" The deadpan did not help to figure out where he was standing right now.

"No! Yes...I don't know." Reg slumped sideways, burying his head in her shoulder with an exasperated groan.

"Mhm." Jo patted his head clumsily "It seems that this day was one to skip entirely. I don't know about you, but I need a break. Maybe we just go to bed and try again tomorrow morning?"

"Yeah. That sounds like a sensible plan." And with that, they made their way up to all the bedrooms.

"Jo, what made you come here?"

"What?!"

"Here. Instead of staying at the airport." Reg hurried to elaborate at her tone.

"Remus seemed like a very sensible person." The girl just shrugged while stepping up in front of him. They were almost the same height now. "He told me that there is a very legit reason why this evening went down like it did."

"I tried to tell you that."

"True." Another shrug. "But I was angry at you. Not at Remus, though." They arrived at the top of the stairs and Reg really wanted her to ask if they could sleep in the same bed. She just said that she _was_ angry. Past tense. And he really did not want to be alone now.

"Okay, so there are guest rooms down that hall, just pick one." He said instead.

"Guest rooms? Plural?"

"Yeah?"

"Ok, how big is this thing?"

"Hideously big. You want a map?" Reg felt a smile tug at his mouth. He made quite a lot of jokes on this absurd building.

"Yep."

"There is none."

"False advertising!" The accusatory finger was getting dangerously close to his nostrils when he batted her had away with a grin.

"Uh... goodnight then." Jo said after a few beats, suddenly demure but neither she nor Reg were moving. 

"Or would you like to come-" Reg tried and considered himself incredibly brave.

"Yeah." _Oh, thank god_. He was not keen on yet another embarrassment.

After a quick shower, Jo literally buried herself under the covers, facing him. Close, but not touching.

"Reg?"

"Mh?"

"Might sound stupid but was really looking forward to this."

"Same." The word was not fully out of his mouth when the exhaustion of the day won over and Reg drifted off.

* * *

Reg woke up to an empty bed, half wishing, half dreading that the entirety of yesterday was just a dream. When he got up, he tripped over something and nearly knocked himself unconscious on the doorframe. _What the-_

A ratty backpack in the middle of the room had nearly gotten the better of him _. Not a dream. Living, breathing chaos is visiting_ , Reg mused as he stepped over a pair of discarded jeans, a laptop and a binder to get out of his, once wonderfully tidy, room just to slip on a sock and land on his ass. His own sock, he had the misfortune to realise.

More chaos awaited him in the kitchen. The counter was covered in something and... egg? Jo stood in front of the stove, frying whatever and humming along a tune playing in the radio _._ Reg only stared in mild disbelief. _Crisse, how does a single person even erupt in such a pandemonium? There is an actual swath of destruction following her. It wasn't that bad at Ben's. At all._

"Good morning?" he tried, somehow wishing he was hallucinating, and the kitchen was not looking like _this_.

"Hi!" her warm and happy smile, combined with the messy hair that was getting a little too long for the cut, erased his irritation immediately, causing a very different kind of distress.

"What-" Reg was silenced by a waving spatula and Jo plainly talking over him. _Rude._

"French toast. I made some with that low-carb bread for you, don't want anyone to trace your suspicious death back to me, it's... uh..." She turned around and let her eyes wander around the kitchen, lighting up once they fell on a plate sitting on a _chair_. "-there!"

"Uhhhh-huh." _Suspicious death?_ Reg did not move an inch.

"Well, you're welcome, no need to thank me so excessively. I know you never do." She just went on waving the spatula, sending bits of – egg? flying and Reg on the edge of a cleaning fit. "I wanted to make pancakes, but you have no flour in this house. At all. Tons of food but not even normal wheat flour. Or baking soda. Or literally anything one needs to bake except eggs and milk. Not even a cake pan. "

"No one in here bakes." Jo plopped down on an unoccupied chair and ate her French toast without even bothering to look for cutlery. _This girl is a heathen._ _Wait! I thought that before._

"Shame." She just said around a bite of toast and sighed contently.

"I know."

"You like to bake?"

"I did once." At Jo's inquiring look he decided to practice his poker face and deadpan a little. He didn't want to get rusty in this department just because his sense of humour and feelings were allowed to run free for now. "It was fun."

The girl in front of him was able to hold her blank expression for about three seconds before she burst into laughter and took him down with her.

"Well. Okay, let's get over with it." Jo wheezed after a while.

"Cleaning up this disaster?" Reg wiped his eyes and spread his arms in a Sound of Music fashion.

"What disaster? I really reigned myself in." _Oh my._

Either she did not see the horror surely dominating all of his features or chose to ignore it as she just went on.

"No, I meant the talk we postponed yesterday."

_Ouais, enfin… that's worse._ "Oh."

"You don't think we should?"

Reg took a deep breath, placing the French toast back on his plate, appetite gone, while fighting down the knot in his throat. "Alors, here we go: The short story is that Siri set up a small surprise-gathering for me to _socialise_ and just before I punched one of them in his face, our parents showed up, threatened and insulted Siri and me until Pascal called the police to remove them while I was stress-vomiting violently." He forced the words out as quickly as possible, not meeting her gaze. Not wanting to see the pity on her face.

"Yikes. I mean... all of it, really."

"Mhm." His stomach twisted painfully, making him regret breakfast altogether. _Please don't make me tell more, please don't, please don't._

"Who did you punch and who is Pascal?" Jo was lounging cross-legged on the kitchen chair by now, elbow on the table, cheek resting on her hand.

_Erm._ "Almost punch. Almost. That is your question?" How did she always hit so comically off the mark concerning delicate topics?

"Fine. Who did you _almost_ punch? And that Pascal-dude." Reg still eyed the girl in front of him warily, arms wrapped around his middle until she sighed dramatically and went on. "Come on, I think we had that type of conversation before and I've already proven to you that I don't pry." _True. Still weird, but true._

"You have a way to make one feel better, Josephine." He scoffed, already knowing the very charming ways of her and Ben to comfort people, but this time, it did not work.

"Doesn't it work, Regulus Arcturus?" Jo countered mockingly; eyebrows raised.

"Really? Middle name? And no, this time I fear, you cannot just bully me into feeling good again."

After another few beats of Jo staring expectantly at Reg, she huffed impatiently, throwing her arms up. "Oh, for bloody fucks sake, what do you want me to _do_?"

"Fuck if I know." Why was he getting so angry?

"Helpful. Listen, I'm sorry and feel very dumb for being so dramatic over four hours wating and I have no idea how to react to yesterday's happenings." He was pretty sure Jo was trying to catch his gaze, but Reg kept staring over her head.

"That's not directly my problem, is it? If you don't know how to react decently, just shut your mouth." Reg lashed out and regretted it immediately. Why did he do this? His family was not her fault.

"Well, then I'm going to gather my stuff and head to the airport, asshole." Jo growled and jumped off the chair, stomping determinedly towards the staircase. _Well done, Regulus._

"Wait, that came out wrong."

"It better did." _Fair._

"I'm sorry. My parents are a very sore spot and it seems I still have fury left over from yesterday." Reg just realised he was rubbing his neck again and forced his hand down.

"So, a night of sleep didn't change a thing. What a surprise." Jo shot at him, voice dripping with sarcasm before she sighed and rubbed her hands over her face and plopped down on her chair again. "I know, postponing was my idea. I should've known better. Let's be done with it?"

"Please." Reg just sighed. All that shit was getting the better of him. He felt like getting straight back to bed but kept studying the splatters of -egg? on the counter.

"I'm off packing, then." Jo mumbled quietly after a few moments and began moving towards the stairs.

" _What?_ I thought we're good." He was looking up with furrowed brows, hand flying to his neck automatically.

"We are but I already rebooked for today and can't change again." Jo fiddled with a hole the cuff of her sweater, gnawing at her lip.

"Why?"

"Too expensive." _That's it?_ _I'm literally rich as fuck._

"If you want to stay- I mean I would be glad to help you out." Reg had gotten up by now, rounding the counter but stopped in his tracks with at the uncomfortable expression in the girl's face.

"Honestly, I'd rather not."

"Really? You'd rather go home today out of stubbornness than let me pay?" While Reg already knew that Jo was headstrong, he'd never thought her to be unreasonable.

"Come on," He took the last steps towards her and carefully bumped her shoulder with his upper arm. He didn't want to miscalculate his strength and sent her to the floor. "what is it? I've trusted you with so many horrible things already, it's time to trust me a bit in return, non?"

She kept gnawing on her lip for a few more moments before taking a deep breath "I don't want you to think that I'm spending time with you because I'm keen on your money. I surely I don't give a flying fuck about your bank account, but you've seen my place... and compared to this-"

"Jo." No, no, no. Reg had to stop that idea on an instant. Until now, he never felt status, money or fame being a thing with the Hobbits and that was what he loved the most about being friends with them. They treated him like Reg, not the famous hockey-prodigy and he surely could not stand a change there. "Don't be ridiculous. I don't think that."

"But it would feel like it." The hole in her cuff had grown considerably in the last minutes.

_Ouais,_ _time for another tactic._ "Then get over it."

Jo's head snapped up, a perplexed expression on her face "Uhm, rude?"

"No, it's rude that you value money over my company. Now come on _niaiseuse_ , lets rebook and clean up the mayhem you caused upon the kitchen. Thank you for making breakfast, by the way." He walked around her and went up the stairs to rebook. Hearing her feet tapping obediently behind him, Reg allowed himself an internal victory-dance. _Won an argument by insulting Jo into feeling better. It felt great and he understood now why that was the Hayes™ way of problem-solving._

The kitchen was beginning to revert into its former state and so was Jo, chirping Reg for re-doing her pathetic attempts at cleaning. Soon, she was lounging on the counter, not lifting a single finger. ("Why should I even bother if you're re-doing it anyway?")

"Morning." Upon Sirius' sleepy voice, Jo immediately stumbled off the counter, her face bright red. But Reg's brother paid no further mind to the people and decreasing chaos in his kitchen, just rubbed his eyes and started the coffee-machine without even looking.

A few minutes later, Jo was still frozen in place while Sirius retrieved a second cup of coffee and pushing it into Remus' hand, who just descended the stairs and looked much more awake than the hockey-player.

"Pads, you're a bad host." But there was no bite in Remus' voice as he tried to emerge from under Sirius, who had just piled himself on top of him and nuzzled his neck sleepily. "Not my guest, blame Reg." 

"You want some coffee or tea, Jo?" Remus took pity on the situation, unaware that she and Reg were already up for about two hours. But it made Reg realise that she was up _for over two hours_ with no tea in sight, which, in retrospect, was peculiar. Maybe he should have offered some but when he entered the battlefield, she was already working the kitchen as if she owned the place, so the thought didn't occur.

"Uhhh. Tea, please?" The quiet voice drew him away from his thoughts and Reg had to work very hard not to chuckle at how flustered and shy the straightforward, sarcastic little git got all of a sudden.

"Come on Pads, where do you hide it?" Remus persistently nudged the lazy fat-ass until he stirred.

Grumbling, Sirius heaved himself off of Remus and rummaged through the top shelves in his cupboards. _Okay what is he looking for? My tea is not in there and I did not find any when I came here._

Finally, he dug out a box of Lipton held it up for the girl, eyebrows rising in question.

_Lipton._ Reg eyes flew to back Jo, pinpointing the exact moment when comprehension dawned on her face in the form of utter horror: When that guy said _tea_ , he meant Lipton Peach-Mango.

_How long until she bursts?_

"Quoi?" Sirius looked at the girl in front of him, brows furrowed in confusion.

Jo just took a deep breath and shook her head, turning very red.

"Non?" he asked.

With that, she shook her head again, carefully plucked the packet out of Sirius' hand and pointedly dropped it into the bin, from shoulder height, an odd blend of apology and determination etched on her face.

"No tea, then?" Sirius asked again, clearly unsure of what just had happened.

This," She pointed over to the bin, "is not _tea_. The tea in this country is liquid hell... I'm so sorry. Did you like it?" And she really did look sorry but simultaneously offended by the existence of the "tea" in the bin.

_There she is._ It took all Reg had not to drop to the floor in mirth at the hilarity of the situation. The more of her weird antics he got to know, the more he liked her. Not giving a flying fuck about mocking the famous Captain Sirius Black. In his own kitchen. Over tea. And then backing off completely because she wouldn't want him to feel bad. Reg couldn't hold any longer. He snorted out a laugh, and went to an entirely different cupboard, setting up a cup of Earl Grey. He was about to put her damn milk in the tea when she piped up again.

"What are you doing?"

"I know, it's disgusting but I've seen you drinking milky tea before, heathen." Reg shot her good-naturedly.

The answer followed prompt "Heathen yourself! Milky tea is generally legit in but that's Earl Grey... drunk with nothing or lemon, sugar if it seeped for too long. Never milk. Never."

"Mind, I agree on your way of drinking Earl Grey, except the sugar, but where do you draw your wisdom from? The ten commandments of tea?"

"It's like having Kuny in my kitchen..." Reg heard his brother whispering to Remus behind his back as he put the milk back in the fridge. He also heard Remus chuckle in response but had no idea what to make of it.

"Sod off." Jo exclaimed with a laugh and reached out to shove Reg. It did nothing. "There is like tea etiquette? Things you just don't do if you have taste although a lot of people do it, like pineapple pizza. Completely lunatic, yet it's somewhat common."

"Ha! See!" Remus just laughed at his boyfriend's finger hovering in front of his face and holding his arms up in mock-surrender.

"Oh god. You like that, do you?" The progress Jo's face had made in stomping down her blush was rendered completely futile. "I kinda feel very bad for that but have to stand with what I said. Pineapple pizza is weird. Sorry."

* * *

"Reg?" Jo shifted uncomfortably on her resumed position on the kitchen counter while Reg finished his task of cleaning the kitchen more thorough than Jo would ever even try.

"Mh?"

"Do you think they are mad at me for dumping the... _tea_? Or insulting Remus over weird pizza? I tend to put my foot in my mouth, and I know it. Yet, it never ceases to embarrass me."

"No." Reg snorted around a sip of actual tea. "Never saw Sirius touch that tea anyway. Don't know why it's even there. Also, pineapple pizza is... special. Besides, watching you lose your shit over such tiny hiccups is quite entertaining." _I need to take a photo of her face when she learns that I_ love _pineapple pizza._ After a bit of too much silence, Reg looked up and was met with a defiant stare.

"Oh, come on."

"Right... What do you want to do today?"

"I don't know?" _Didn't think that far..._

"What do you usually do with guests?" At that, Reg had to look away. He just came to the realisation that he was eighteen fucking years old and never had a guest of his own.

"You are my first guest." He whispered.

"What, like ever?" Jo chuckled and nudged his thigh with her foot

"Ever." Her nudging got a little more insistent to make him look up and as soon as he did, Reg was met with a mischievous grin.

"Well, what did you always want to do but never got to?" That was easy.

"Eating a whole tray of brownies on my own and watching TV all day in my underwear."

Her laugh rang in his ears, sending a warm feeling to his stomach and making him uncomfortable at the same time. While he had always felt quite in touch with his own thoughts and feelings, the last weeks had uprooted him completely and Jo wasn't making things easier with her lopsided smile, her dumb humour, giant knit sweaters, tea obsession, her-

"Okay, how did you live 'til 18 without doing that?"

"Uh... diabetes and professional sports diet?"

"I see..." she stroke an imaginary beard at her chin in mock-consideration "let's google some recipes then and try to find you some stuff to bake without doing you in... and get basic equipment..." with that she jumped from the counter, socks slipping slightly on the floor.

* * *

"Hey. What's going- Are you sick Reggie?" Sirius voice wafted out behind Reg, who was rolled up on the couch in the media-room in a ball of stomach-ache, Jo tucked at his side, sipping idly on her umpteenth cup of tea.

"Reggie?" she asked mockingly.

"No regrets." Reg just mumbled, ignoring the jab at the pet-name and wrapping his arms firmer around his middle.

"What?" The alarmed tone was not ceasing from his voice as Sirius rounded the couch to bent down and look at his brother.

"We made brownies he can actually eat, and oh, he did. The whole tray in under twelve minutes. Has been suffering immensely ever since." The amusement and obvious amount of glee in Jo's voice temped Reg to kick her off the couch but he miscalculated and knocked her cup over.

"Regulus, you are a dumbass." His brother groaned while Jo shoved him off the couch instead, with much effort, while getting up to dry her sweater.

"Worth it. All of it. Wasn't allowed to eat what I want for the last six years."

"And now you overfed yourself and spent the whole day...?"

"Oh, we sat here, watching the muppet show, cartoons, 80ies movies and some four-hour silent-movie from the twenties while eating unhealthy crap." Jo supplied as voice from the off. "Well, I ate unhealthy crap... he put himself out of commission in the first fifteen minutes."

"Best day ever." Reg groaned while heaving himself back on the couch in suffering contentment.

* * *

When Reg woke up the next morning, Jo wasn't already up but sprawled out on her belly over the whole bed, snoring softly. Not quietly, but not earth shattering either. Why did he think of it as adorable? Snoring usually was mildly annoying at best, nerve-wracking at worst. He wiggled out from under her right leg for a short trip to the bathroom but froze as he stepped on one of the balloon-animals they tried to make from the handful of condoms Sirius had literally thrown at them the other night with narrow eyes. He needn't have bothered, though, as the pang of the exploding thing did not even send her stirring. _Like dead._

The gesture of his brother had caused him to turn very red at the innuendo and Jo to simply raise a challenging brow. Reg remembered very well the reasons he gave Sirius' to deem the gesture necessary and had to accept that the stupid joke he and Jo had on Sirius' expense a few weeks ago made things even weirder.

Reg was sitting on the rim of the bathtub for long enough to have _really_ cold feet, trying to stare his morning wood down but to no avail. He might not entirely see the point of sex; it didn't mean he wouldn't get horny or enjoy a good morning wank, though. But with a guest next door? Wasn't that super creepy? Another few minutes in, Reg gave up and stepped into the shower to be done with it.

A while after he got back to bed, not interested in tinkering around the house yet, Jo was border-lining on awake and snuggled closer. Reg immediately thanked past-Reg for taking care of himself earlier. He would have buried himself alive in the garden if Jo's leg had landed on his hard-on now. "Okay?" she mumbled sleepily, and Reg was quite sure that the question was whether he was okay with cuddling. Hell, yeah! But they hadn't even toed the line of talking about what was going on between them and Reg felt more than a bit anxious about that. He thought he liked her quite a lot and just waking up beside her filled him with a calm sort of happy excitement, if such a feeling existed, but he had trouble gauging the situation. However, this was an impressively dumb thought in general, given that Jo spoke her mind on every topic eventually and he could just ask her. But on the other hand, if she did not like him back that way things were bound to get awkward. He thought about the Hobbits and how they now all accumulated in Boston. It wasn't unlikely that, if things got awkward, he would lose them all. Reg could not lose the first friends he's ever had, right? _Better shut up about it completely. Perfectly reasonable._ So, he just hummed in approval, draping an arm over her shoulder. Wherever that might lead, he liked cuddling, at least with her.

After some time of useless overthinking, Jo's head rose from the pillows and she leaned over the edge of the bed just to surface again with few reading options in her arms. After picking one of her liking - _Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy_ \- and settling back into the pillows, he decided to leave the is-that-still-platonic matter be and grab _Voyage au centre de la terre_ from his nightstand, sitting beside his guest in companionable silence, reading.

While Remus and Sirius were at Sunday brunch with Potter and Lily, Reg and Jo planned out what to do that day during a rather boring granola-breakfast. The boy really had no interest in letting her loose and having to scrub the whole kitchen again.

"What's going on around here?" Jo had her feet up another chair, looking over expectantly.

Reg was a bit baffled that he came up with nothing at all "I have no idea..." _Maybe I should've stepped outside more often. But then again... to do_ what _on his very own?_

"And what exactly did you do all day during the last weeks?" _Caught._

"Reading. Lots and lots of reading... And running."

The expectant look did not vanish "You rarely talk about of what you do all day, just listen to me ramble around."

"Well, you do more interesting things anyway. I just learned how to do basic household chores and babysit and tried to keep up with training in case I go back to hockey -but let's avoid this topic entirely please. Oh, and I redecorated the room I'm staying in. Since then, the activity of beating my brother out of it with a stick was added."

"What?"

"He keeps insisting that my room is too cosy not to take it over. And it's his house anyway." Reg answered with a resigned shrug.

"Oh... well, I see three options."

_How would you come up with three solutions to a problem you've known about for five seconds?_ "Do tell." He said instead and raised an eyebrow to her imaginative-beard stroking.

"First, you surrender and move into another room." One finger was lifted dramatically.

"Never!"

"Let me speak, then." Jo countered swiftly "Second, you install and electric fence," The second finger. _That's more like it._ "third, you redecorate _his_ room as well." It bothered him a bit that she did not raise a third finger.

"The fence. The other option sounds like a lot of work."

"I think I remember the exception of you not shutting up how much fun it was to redecorate for at least three breakfasts. Also, you have a good eye for this stuff." _Good point,_ Reg had to admit.

"Well then. He's off to a game in Vegas in a few days. Conveniently, you are still here the first two days he's away."

"What has that to do with me?" The airy answer wafted over from the counter, where Jo was preparing another cup of tea.

"You help me, of course"

Jo turned and narrowed her eyes at him "Do I?"

"Yes." Reg countered with his best face-off stare.

"OK." The narrow expression was replaced with a toothy grin.

With that they filled the dishwasher and went upstairs to look at Sirius room for inspiration ("Are you sure, I should be he- oh my god that bed is bigger than my bathroom!") and then locate a storage-room in the basement in which they could hide their equipment and drove off to acquire paint and stuff to homey-up the sterile room.

"Alright, what could be his style?" Jo asked while climbing on the passenger seat.

"None, I think?" Reg had thought about it but couldn't even remember a single room his brother ever put any kind of effort in. But if he didn't care, why hogging Reg's room? "But we'll find something. Everything is better than now."

"You are the Doc, Doc."

And so, they drove off to look around several thrift stores and flea markets. Reg was quick to find a calm, yet welcoming concept for the room but earned quite a lot of jabs from Jo for his inexperience in bargaining with the flea-market sellers ("Why don't we just pay what they want?" - "Because they expect you to bargain and begin with double the price they want to charge." - "Nah." - "Ask him, then." Reg did. She was right.)

In the end, Reg decided against redecorating anyway. The whole house was random people decorating for his brother. He just got a soft blanket, fairy-lights and would force Sirius to come with him picking stuff if he wanted a cosy room. The only other thing he could not walk past was an old wooden picture frame of ginormous extends to fit in all the photographs on Sirius dresser plus a few of him and Remus Reg took when they weren't looking.

"Want to head back?" he asked after the very short and quite underwhelming adventure, wrapping the frame into the blanket and shoving both into the trunk of Sirius' car.

"We could just do that and die of boredom." Came the answer from inside the knitted sweater Jo was in the process of layering on top of the other one. "Or, we could leave the car here and have a look around the city. Apparently, you haven't had a look either?"

"Okay. Let's do that." Reg just performed the classical triple-pat around his trousers ( _Keys, phone, wallet)_ while Jo retrieved her entire backpack from the car.

"Why do you take that backpack with you?"

"Where else would I put my stuff?" As her only answer was a questioning look, she elaborated with a little frown between her brows "Water? Books? Spare scarf?"

"Scarf? It is warm?" _uncharacteristically so, for late February._

"But it could get cold?"

Reg couldn't help but chuckle at her incredulous stare and patted her shoulder while walking towards city-centre. "Whatever floats your boat."

* * *

When they got back, it was much later then they had planned for and Remus and Sirius were long back from the brunch. They were lounging in the living room, making it near impossible to sneak the haul in. Remus might have seen a bulky thing being hurriedly shoved downstairs but kept quiet, so Reg didn't know for sure and couldn't ask without risking revealing too much.

They spent the remaining afternoon and early evening each on their own since Jo had to study after all and Reg hadn't had his run today. It was a rather uneventful day until after dinner, when Remus' and Sirius' phones went crazy with messages. 

The couple alternated between staring at each other and their phones, communication on some level that went right over Regs head.

"Okay what is it?" The concern in his own voice surprised him a little. But then again, the last onslaught of attention was not very pleasant, was it?

"People on Twitter got bored." Remus laughed humourlessly while tilting the screen of his phone for Reg and Jo to see. _Sirius Black cheating_ was the trending tag. Underneath were pictures of Reg and Jo earlier that day. Walking around city-centre, Reg snatching a fry from Jo, her futile attempt to get it back, their hands meeting as he handed her a cup of tea. Normal things to do, he thought in confusion. Why the uproar? Then, he remembered the headline and had to look closer. The photos were taken from far away, but did they really look similar enough for Reg to be mistaken as Sirius? Maybe that was just a scam to thumb clicks...

He looked up, directly meeting his brother's eyes. So much like his own, and for the first time in his life, he didn't know how he felt with that. His eyes went back to the phone, to the comments of people who really believed that this was Sirius; most did. It was mixed, really. Some people were congratulating Sirius in getting "back on track", some were hating immensely on Jo for existing and daring to tear _the_ dream-couple apart. His gaze flew over to her, reading the comments over his shoulder. Jo's face was stony but the shine in her eyes gave her away.

"Hey, don't-" Reg began but was cut-off immediately.

"It's alright. The internet is simply full of idiots who think they have a say on other people's business. There is a reason I don't engage in social media. You guys done with eating?" With that, she got up, collected the dishes and hurried over to the kitchen.

Regs forehead met the table with a thud, followed by a groan. "What the actual _fuck_!?"

"I know. I'm already texting with Alice." Sirius told him, indeed, tapping away on his phone.

"Why? It's not Lions related." Reg moved his head, so his cheek was pressed on the table instead of his forehead, not making a move to sit upright again.

"No but I'm regarded as public person and so I need to check reactions to such things with Alice."

Remus hadn't said a word since he showed Reg the posts but stared towards the kitchen with a frown. "Don't you think someone should look after her? Some of these comments were really inappropriate."

"Give her a minute." Reg replied but the look on Remus face did not change. There was a sadness in his eyes, he hadn't seen in a while. And of course, being attacked by random people on the internet was exactly what happened to him.

Reg's brother had moved towards Remus by now, pulling him to his feet and enveloping his in a hug, words whispered into his hair before he spoke to Reg again "Alice advises you to simply put the situation right, by the way. To state her as your girlfriend or something."

"Oh yeah, simply." He replied drily but had to admit that there were no other practical options. He could neither delete the internet, nor ignore the whole thing. A statement would, at least, put Sirius out of focus.

With what felt like enormous effort Reg got up and trudged over to the kitchen, where Jo was no longer putting dishes away but sitting on the floor, head leaning on her knees. Reg plopped down beside her in silence, thinking about how to begin. _Just say it. She'll appreciate the not-fucking-around._

"Sirius' PR person advises us to correct things. The PR-person specified that it might help to simply state you as my girlfriend." He put out there with a quiet voice, feeling anxious beyond belief to even suggest that. _What a way to ask someone out._

"But is that what we are?" She might try to hide it, but Jo had definitely cried, and it hurt him to see her being miserable for just spending time together. The question itself caused quite another sort of pain. Reg dreaded the outcome but felt obliged to answer.

"I- I don't know..."

"Me neither." With that her head shot up from her knees, eyes alight with anger "But I refuse to be forced into deciding because nasty plonkers on twitter demand answers! That's none of their fucking business and I won't hand over my personal live to some pathetic shitheads!" She stopped abruptly, as if in wonder when she had started to yell (about three words in) and continued in a much softer voice.

"Sorry. I didn't want to yell. It's just... I've been wondering about whether this is platonic or not for a while and I'm so not ready to talk about that and when I feel pressured, I get a bit fight-y." The head was back on the knees now, but Reg was celebrating a little, internal of course, as her rant was exactly what he needed to hear. Who even cared about external expectations? There was no rush. They had all the time to figure things out.

"Jo?"

"Mh?"

"I'm not ready to discuss that either. To hell with all these people."

"Yeah." With that, Jo scrambled to her feet and offered him a hand, which he took gladly but refrained from putting weight on his arm to not yank her to the ground.

* * *

With the caption _Take a closer look._ Reg uploaded a picture Remus had taken. He and Sirius were just standing beside each other, staring into the camera with completely unimpressed looks on their faces. Reg really hoped that would be enough. He saw so many differences between them: His face was a tad slimmer, the skin beneath his eyes was a bit darker, letting him seem perpetually tired. Sirius had a mole on his left cheekbone he didn't, and his nose was stooping the tiniest bit. Also, the curves of their lips were entirely different. Very obvious for him hut he had to admit that it was quite possible to mistake them for each other. Especially to unfamiliar people.

In the past, it had rarely bothered him if people commented on how similar they looked. To be compared to Sirius' performance or success was terrible but looks? Nothing to be done, really. Hell, he had nicked Sirius' ID when he was sixteen to see if he could buy alcohol with it (Yes.).

But this evening, things changed. His urge to not be his brother had been growing for several months now but the concern of looks was new. He'd been compared to Sirius all his life but never before _mistaken_ for him (if he wasn't determined to pass as his brother to buy drinks, mind).

"Hey Reggie?"

Reg had been staring into his cup at the kitchen table for long enough to have cold tea to when Sirius' voice pulled him out of his thoughts. He and Remus were gone to do whatever couples did while Jo was in his room, on the phone with Ben.

"Quoi?"

"Would you like to come to the rink with me tomorrow? Meet the team? The guys are really curious about you, more than ever now."

Reg sighed. He remembered very well that he promised Sirius to come to the rink one day, but he was not sure if tomorrow was the day. "I'll think about it."

"Thank you." Sirius trilled in an uncharacteristically cheerful way. "You think you can convince Jo to come with? They pester me about the mysterious guest!"

"I haven't even agreed to come over myself." Reg informed his brother dryly.

" _Mais oui. Ouais_ , I'm in the basement, watching a movie with Re." And just like that, Sirius was gone again with a bag of chips he was surely not allowed to eat.

_It is time, isn't it?_ Reg thought, went to retrieve his laptop, checked on Jo, who was finishing her studies in peace, sat on the couch in the living room and began to prepare.

* * *

He was through half the team when Sirius crossed his path again.

"Hey, Reg what are you doing?" His brother threw over his shoulder on his way to the kitchen.

"Digging up dirt from your team." That made him stop in his tracks and come back, looking at the screen over Reg's shoulder.

"What!? Why?"

_What do you think?_ "So that I have leverage, should they come at me." He thought that was rather obvious, but it seemed to startle Sirius enough to abandon his kitchen-quest and sit down beside Reg with knitted brows.

"No, Reg. This is not how they are. No one's coming at you."

"Like Logan?" Reg snapped _. Wanted_ his brother to see him being torn apart by his team?

"I talked to him. It's fine. This is not the Snakes, ok? You don't need to get ammunition. Really. It will be fine." Sirius' tone border-lined on pleading now, as if Reg was a small child that would not understand to not put their hand on the stove.

"Oh?" If sarcasm was visible, Reg would've needed to get a mop to clean up.

It seemed to have no effect on Sirius whatsoever. "Yeah. You just need time to adjust."

"But that's the thing. I don't want to adjust." Reg insisted, rather irritated now. One day I will wake up and have to go back there and I cannot afford to be all weak and naive when that happens."

"I promised you, you don't have to go back, and I stand by it." When Reg did nothing to acknowledge Sirius promise, he seemed to feel the urge to continue. "What can I do?"

This was his brother, Reg reminded himself. The man who brought him here, shared his house with him, and had not done a thing to raise doubt that had Reg's back. So why not? "I could do with a hug... but I'm a grown-ass hockey-player, not a meek little boy with a nightmare."

"Reg, no one can be too grown up or too much of a hockey-player for cuddles with their brother... you don't even need to be in severe distress. You can always have all the hugs you want. Toxic masculinity be damned, you want cuddles, I cuddle the shit out of you!" The words were not fully out of Sirius' mouth when Reg felt himself being tackled into a firm hug and almost dragged on his brother's lap.

"You can be so dramatic, _stupide_... _merci_." Wrapping his arms around Sirius' shoulders, Regulus felt very young again but not in a bad way. 

The other man hummed non-committingly before speaking up again "Say, until recently, you always seemed to be more of a reserved type. Where is the border between not even shaking hands and having me in a death grip? What happened?"

"Well, I was force-hugged quite often in the last weeks. It seems that I grew a bit cuddly with people I like." was Regs mumbled answer.

"Oh, I'm honoured." The mock-tone of Sirius voice irritated Reg. _Tabernak,_ he had a moment here!

" _Décrisse!_ " Reg exclaimed loudly but could not continue above a whisper. "I thought you knew by now that I love you."

The smug grin on Sirius' face was replaced by wide eyes in a heartbeat. "Reggie... I- I think you never said that to me before."

"I never said that to anyone before and if you make a big deal out of it, you will regret it dearly." Reg pushed himself off of his brother while staring at him with narrow eyes.

"I love you, too." Was the simple answer.

They sat in silence for a while. Before Sirius addressed another Elephant in the room. "There is more, is there?"

"Mhm."

"Give it a try?"

"I wanted to ask you something, actually..."

"Okay?"

"I don't know how to explain but since I've been here- I mean..." _Who am I even?_ Now, after the Twitter mix-up, it became more apparent. Reg felt like disintegrating, losing his snark, his bite, what he always thought would define him.

"You think that your complete personality gets rearranged? Everything you thought you were somehow dissolves, and makes space for completely foreign stuff? No idea who you are anymore?" Sirius supplied with a small smile on his face.

Damn. That was accurate. "Yeah."

Sirius draped an arm around Regs shoulder, but his smile fainted, and his gaze became unfocused. "I felt the same. When I first came here, it all felt like a weird fever-dream. All these nice people with seemingly no other motive than caring for you, y'know. No one expected me to earn any of it, and I felt completely thrown over and I was scared."

_Like looking in a mirror. Again._ For weeks Reg's been surrounded by people that seemed to actually care for him, his Hobbits, the Dumais, his Brother and Remus. He's grown soft, weak to put it in his parent's words. Less bitter, more alive even while he was practically hiding out in this house. He knew exactly what Sirius was talking about. "Mhm."

"I wondered when you would start freaking out about that. I did sure as hell and it took me a while to sort through that, but you've got me. I've been there, I've made it through in one piece and ended up a much happier person. Well, I'm still learning but it gets easier."

Reg shifted uncomfortably, his hand releasing his neck _. Does it?_ "How?"

"I know you a bit Reg. What I will say now will come as a shock: Don't think so much. Putting feelings and thoughts in lists and charts and categories won't get you anywhere here." _How does he know me so well? After all these years of silence._ "Try out stuff, see how it turns out. You don't have to have it all figured out by tomorrow. Give yourself time, make mistakes. I sure did a lot of them and it is not weakness. It's learning."

"But... But I might fuck up completely." Reg whispered, causing his brother to face him before getting up.

"I don't think so. You are a surprisingly decent person, Reg." The strong shove against his shoulder caught Reg by surprise and he could not prevent falling to his side and slump off the couch like a bag of potatoes.


End file.
